James L. Cowles--Extended Family

My wife and I recently arrived home after an afternoon, and evening, family Thanksgiving dinner, and it got me thinking about something I call, “extended family.” Actually, the host and hostess from our dinner are not all direct family, but they seem like it. They are the sister and her husband of our sister-in-law, the wife of Teresa's brother. We have been invited, first because they like us (and we, them), but more importantly, they know we would otherwise be eating our dinner alone. You see, my children from my first marriage both live far away, my daughter in California, my son in Florida. We of couse are invited to travel to be with them, but we have no desire to either drive a long distance, or do we wish to fight our way through airport mobs. Those days are long past, so we settle for long,pleasant phone conversations, without the hugs from them and our grandchildren. We miss that of course, but they are entrenched where they live. Besides, they visit us several times each year, and we share happy times then.

We, Teresa and myself, are nearing our 50^th wedding anniversary, and we enjoy seeing our children as often as possible, but Thanksgiving and Christmas are two times that is usually not possible. Most would agree, these two holidays are truly meant for family, but what do you do when distance is such a problem? We simply make the best of it by joining extended family, our friends and relatives who have invited us to be a part of their celebration, and we are so thankful for tbat, and them. If you find yourself in a similar situation, that is, with close friends who have passed on, and children who live far away, there are often others exactly like you; the key is to find them.

Church is of course a good place to find new friends, as is volunteering at a civic function, or helping to feed the homeless. There are many good sources for finding those who would appreciate sharing a holiday, but perhaps one of the best is through other relatives, or close neighbors. Of course, an invitation is required, but nothing says you can't do the inviting. I've always liked “potluck” dinners; it's a good way to prepare a meal for several people, with less pressure on the hostess, and or, host. I even named my band, the “Potluck Ramblers,” and the band actually met at a bluegrass music potluck dinner, and decided we sounded pretty good together. We performed throughout the area for over 20 years, playing music in over 100 venues. These friends make great guests, and it is a delight to spend time playing and singing music after gathering for dinner.

We also found that our band led us to meet musicians from all over the area. Although I am no longer playing musical gigs, we still go out to see our many friends when they play in restaurants, taverns, wineries, or festivals, and inevitably, I am asked to join them and sing a song or two. I'm talking about more than just a few bands, too. We have been privileged to meet many musicians here in Louisville, Kentucky, and guess what! Many of tbese folks have become extended family.

Just about all of us know of someone who is alone. These are obviously the people who need extended family the most. Although some may be resistant at first, they generally end up being especially grateful for being included. When we were having our Kentucky Derby parties, which we did for many years, we included several single friends; no one thought a thing about it. It was obvious to us, they fit right in, and they were having a great time as well. They added to our group, often talking about their experiences, both from the distant past, and in recent days. In fact, that's what people talk about, and we enjoy doing so. As you age, you of course begin to lose those close to you. There are lonely people close by, and some day you could be one of them. Wouldn't you want someone to reach out to you if you were all alone? It's nice to be thought of, to be included.

One last thought; I've often admired those who attended Catholic schools. The reason being, their friendships often last a lifetime, all the way from elementary school, through high school, and often into college. The connection continues through church and beyond. It doesn't seem to work that way with public school, but old classmates are a good source for extended family. My daughter maintains high school and college friendships from 40 years ago. Old schoolmates are often a great source for holiday gatherings. Who are those you would love to see again? Certainly worth thinking about.

Hopefully I have given you some ideas for those future days when you find yourself a bit lonely. We humans are social animals and we enjoy being around other.othes. Best keep extended family in mind; you will need them some day. If you haven't given this much thought, it means you are probably young, or your family is local and still gathering for these precious holidays. If that’s the case, is there a lonely soul out there you could include in your celebrations? You may well be their extended family…

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