Hopalong Cassidy, Kookla, Fran and Ollie and Howdy Doody, the line-up on TV, was just not something that would attract two teen boys. No, they needed excitement and a game of Monopoly or pick-up sticks wasn't going to cut it. Not this time!

     "Hey, Lee Boy, any ideas? I'm bored, man and I ain't about to go outside. It's cold as Christmas in here and I'm gonna have to turn up the heat. It must be zero outside."  "Whadda ya wanna do, Danley?  Ya wanna play mumbly-peg, that's if your mom and dad don't mind us sticking our knives in the floor? That's exciting, ain't it?"

     "Coy, you are so full of crap! I'll play mumbley-peg on your rear-end if you even think about throwing your knife at my floor, you idiot. I don't feel like silly kid games, man. I feel like I wanna pull a history making prank on some unsuspecting dummy, how about you?" "Okay with me, Danley, but I got no ideas, man."

     "Watch this, Coy-boy!" "Who you callin,' Han? 'Click, click, click......' What the?" "Shut your pie-hole, now and listen, boy. " Hello, ma'am? Ma'am, this is the Electric Company and we're doing a random check in your neighborhood. Will you do me a quick favor, please? Yes, it's LG&E. Will you check to see if your refrigerator is running, please?  Shhh! Keep quiet now. She's gone to look at her 'ice-box,' man. Ain't that a kick?  Ha!  Oh, yes, yes. Hello? Yes-ma'am. It is running, huh? Now, would you say it is running slower than normal, normal, or faster than normal? Normal, huh? I see. Yes ma'am, now, would you say it is running faster than you can run? No ma'am, this is not a joke. I wouldn't joke about this, I am a professional, ma'am.  Now, if it's running normally, you better try to catch it now, before it gets very far.  What's that? Oh ma'am, I have never heard such language. Would you talk like that in front of your mother? Ma'am! Ma'am! She hung up on me, Coy-boy. Ha, ha, ha!"

     "You are a complete idiot, Han, you know that?" "Ahh, man, I'm just trying to have a !little fun. Here, you try one." "Are you kidding, man? I ain't gonna do that stuff! That's stupid stuff, man"  "You are a chicken, ain't you, Coy-boy? " "No, I'm not chicken, it's just a stupid deal and I ain't gonna do it.  " Puck, puck, puck, puck! Chicken!"  "No, I am not." "Okay, then, do one! Come on Coy, prove it!?" "Oh, okay okay. I'll do one. You want me to try the same thing you did?" "Yeah, sure. Let's hear you try it. Stay loose man. There ain't no way for them to know who you are, man. Just do it."

     "Give me the phone, Danley. Now.... What did you do, now? You just dialed a number and waited to see who answered?" "Yep, that's what I did. Now, do it!"

     "Okay, here goes nothing. 'Click, click, click......' It's busy, Danley." "Well, hang up and dial another one, man."  "I said I'd do one, and I did. I can't help if it's busy!"  "Puckkkkk, puckkkk." "Oh, shut up, Han! Alright, I'll try one more, but if it's busy, too, then that's it. I ain't gonna do another one."

     "You wouldn't lie to me, now, would you Coy-boy?" "No, darn it, and quit callin' me, 'Coy-boy!" Okay, okay here goes. 'Click,click, click......' Hello? Hello? Yes sir. Sir, this is a checkup from the Electric Company. Yes, yes. It's about your refrigerator, sir. What? No, no sir, I'm not kidding. I know there's a joke about it. Awww,, but... Sir? Sir? Sir, you don't have to get upset, sir. Well, I, I.... I don't think your refrigerator would fit up there, sir. No, no you are a dumb-butt, and no, it wouldn't fit where you want me to put it.  I, I, I tell you what, sir, you can just shove it where the sun don't.........   He hung up on me, Danley!"

     "Let me catch my breath, Coy. It  took everything I had to keep from laughing out loud, man. You did pretty well, kid. I mean, the guy had heard the joke, so he was one up on you, son. What got me about to explode was you kept callin' him sir, even after he said he was gonna shove his refrigerator up your rear! Ha! That was a hoot!"

     "Listen, Danley. I think you ought to sell cars, or something." "Yeah? You think so?" "Yeah, I do. You did a lot better at this than me, Han, that's for sure."  "Well, maybe, who knows? You got a hold of a guy who knew the joke and I talked to a lady who was dumber than owl-poop. I think we need to make two more calls each, before we can say who is the best." "No no, 'Don-key,' it would probably take a lot more calls than that, and I ain't gonna be makin' 'em.  Nope, not me."

     "Oh, come on Coy-boy now listen to this....  This time, we'll pretend we are a long-lost relative from 'down South,' and whoever keeps a person on the phone the longest is the winner." "No, 'Donkey-boy,' you can count me out!"  "Awww, the chicken is back. Okay, just sit there and listen to my genius, boy.  'Click, click click......' "Why, howdy, ma'am, I jus' am so proud to tale yawl, aw am yer long lost relation, from Alabama., and I am a-hopen' you awre as ex-cited 'bout it as Aw am, ma'am" Ma'am, what is it you aw a-laughin' at?..............  Ma'am? Ma'am?

Story list and biography for James

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