(A roll of thunder, streaks of lightning, a person screaming. In a thunder crash, an object that looks like a human body curled up, catapults onstage; rolls along erratically; exits. Fairy Moth rushes in; looks about; cautiously tracks the object's course; stops, hearing approaching sounds. Fairy Cobweb enters, warily. At intervals, they react to thunderous rumblings as objects fall from the sky crashing to the ground at different distances.)

Cobweb: (Whispering.) Moth. It's me. What was it?

Moth: It is alive, Cobweb, but I do not know what it is.

Cobweb: One of the bad things happening everywhere?

Moth: Could be. But things were falling from the sky to Earth before these troubling times.

Cobweb: I still cannot fly.

Moth: Me, too. Confused and frightened.

Cobweb: Where are Peaseblossom and Mustardseed? They should have been here by now.

Moth: The Queen has always sent the four of us together on an assignment. Perhaps they, too, cannot fly anymore.

Cobweb: We have not reported to Queen Titania for a long while. She would have sent someone to look for us.

Moth: Yes, even if only to punish us.

Cobweb: If she cannot find us, should we try to find her to only risk being punished?

(They react to sounds of thunderous rumbling in the sky ending in a crash to the ground nearby.)

Moth: Cobweb, all our protection comes from the Queen. When she punishes her Fairies, she never kills them. In every second we are away from her and cannot fly, we are in danger of being eaten by some animal. Punishment from her majesty is better than being devoured by some wild creature. So, let us keep trying to find her.

Cobweb: Are we not duty-bound to stay at our post until the Queen sends someone to find us?

Moth: You are right, but our post is somewhere up there among the flowers and leaves, not down here on the ground.

Cobweb: When they arrive and do not see us, they might not think to look for us on the ground.

Moth: Let us remain here, and hope someone comes along who can explain what is happening. Or tell us how to find the Queen by walking on the ground.

Cobweb: We are best of friends, Moth, are we not?

Moth: Of course, Cobweb, since the moment our Queen Titania created us together.

Cobweb: I am asking because I am feeling guilty about what is happening to us.

Moth: Guilty? Like it is your fault?

Cobweb: No, no, not that kind of guilty. Guilty of being happy.

Moth: You are happy we have lost our ability to fly?

Cobweb: No. That we in a moment grew to this human adult size.

Moth: (Softly, looking at her own hands.) Oh, I had not noticed.

Cobweb: I like it; but I feel guilty that I like it. It is not fairy-like. You think----?

Moth: Cobweb, had we fallen to the ground in our tiny fairy bodies, we would have been eaten by now by a frog, or bird, or lizard, or snake. So, feeling guilty about being human adult size, is quite out of order.

Cobweb: Thank you, Moth. I am so glad you are my best friend.

Moth: But do not get used to being happy with this human size because Queen Titania is most certainly going to change us back to Fairy size. You know how unattractive she and the King find human-size things.

Cobweb: I know. That is why I could not understand why they fought over possession of that changeling Human Indian child in India.

Moth: Sadly, our King and Queen, too, often are toxic to each other. That is why they spend so much time half a world away from each other. Each wanted that changeling only because the other wanted him. Sad. I will never understand why royalty allow themselves to be victims of commoners' problems.

Cobweb: Let us explore doing adult human things in this size, while we wait to be found by the Queen.

Moth: Things like what? We have to remain at this post where the Queen ordered us. Already we have tried to find a way on foot in this jungle, and we have been frustrated. When we could fly, all we had to do was fly high enough to see our destination, and then it was a straight line through empty space. I miss flying.

Cobweb: Moth, remember when we heard human children excited about climbing trees? And we could not understand why such a chore would be exciting to them?

Moth: Yes.

Cobweb: Well? Come on. Let us go find a tree, and climb it.

Moth: Before Queen Titania finds us.

Cobweb: Good. No trees where I explored that way. Did you---

Moth: Something is coming this way!
Let us hide.

(Before they can hide, Cupid enters and sees them. He limps, and walks with the aid of stick. He stares seriously at each in turn. They are terrified. He breaks out into a smile.)

Cupid: Good.

Cobweb: Good to you, too, sir.

Cupid: I am relieved to see you are Fairies, and, like me, you have morphed into ungainly human adult-size.

Moth: You are a Fairy, sir?

Cupid: Well, not an ordinary Fairy like the two of you, but, nonetheless, a citizen of Fairyland.

Cobweb: Oh, good! You serve King Oberon and Queen Titania.

Cupid: Yes, I do.

(They react to sounds of thunderous rumbling in the sky ending in a crash to the ground nearby.)

Moth: Pray, sir, what is your name? I am Moth.

Cobweb: I am Cobweb.

Cupid: I am Cupid.

Moth: Sir, we do not know why this has happened to us. But the same has happened to you. You cannot fly, and you have grown to adult human size.

Cobweb: Do you know why this is happening in Fairyland, sir?

Cupid: Do I know? Do I know? Of course, I know! I am Cupid! I am not a God, but in one respect I am more than any God! Do you erstwhile Fairy-size people know in what respect I, Cupid, am more than any God?

Both Fairies: (Timidly, softly.) No, sir.

Moth: I am sorry, sir.

Cobweb: Me, too, Mister Cupid, sir.

Moth: Sir, Mister Cupid, we do not know because as Fairies created by the King and Queen, sir, we are not permitted to have knowledge that the King and Queen see fit to not give us themselves.

Cupid: You are, both of you, giving me to understand that if their majesties do not want you to know I exist, they will not allow you to know I exist?

Cobweb: (Timidly.) Yes, sir.

Moth: Sorry, sir.

Cupid: That is disgusting! No freedom of thought!

Moth: The other side of that coin, sir, is that we Fairies witness firsthand every day countless humans
willfully and egregiously abusing their freedom of thought.

Cobweb: And every other freedom, for that matter, sir.

(Cupid is speechless for a second.)

Moth: (Timidly and hastily.) Sir, you were telling us the respect in which you are more than any God.

Cupid: You're trying to change the subject!

Cobweb: Yes, sir, Moth is, because, sir, you were the subject, and it changed to being us. You are far more important than we are, sir, and so we would like to change the subject back to you.

(For a second or two he stares at her, not quite following her thought.)

Cupid: (Abruptly.) Of course. All right, then. Back to me.

(Cobweb and Moth exchange quick glances of triumph.)

The respect in which I, Cupid, am more than any God is that
I am everywhere. Gods claim to be everywhere, but none of them really ever is everywhere. Do you want to know why no God is ever everywhere, huh? Huh?

Moth: Not really, sir.

Cobweb: I want to know, Mister Cupid, sir. Please.

(Moth tries to wither Cobweb with a look. Cobweb shrugs and gestures apologetically. Cupid looks approvingly at Cobweb.)

Cupid: The brighter of the two, I see. I will tell you. (To Moth.) You may listen in, if you like. Will do you a world of good.

Moth: (No-nonsense firmly with authority.) Mister Cupid, sir, I am here at my post ordered me by Queen Titania.

Cobweb: (Timidly, respectfully.) Mister Cupid, sir, please. Moth is my best friend. We were created and named in the same moment by Queen Titania.

Cupid: (To Moth. Genuinely remorseful.) I apologize. I am sorry. Not being able to fly, and being this galumphing oversize, make it difficult for me to be my real loving gentle self and winning personality.

Moth: (Genuinely forgiving.) I understand. My apology.

Cobweb: (Timidly.) Sir, you were telling us why no God is as everywhere as you are.

Moth: (Genuinely respectfully.) And that you know why these unhappy things are happening unpredictably in Fairyland.

Cupid: Yes. Well. Uh, which would you like me to tell first?

Cobweb: Whichever pleases you more, Mister Cupid, sir.

Moth: Yes. Of course. Your choice, entirely.

Cupid: Then I choose neither. First, I choose to unburden myself of the curse I was under long before the misfortunes that are befalling Fairyland at present. That curse was brought about by my gold quiver and its arrow.

(They react to sounds of thunderous rumbling in the sky ending in a crash to the ground nearby.)

It is a long, long story, but I will give you just the important facts. That quiver and its arrow were foisted upon me by some tyrannical unknown mischievous power. That quiver and arrow were irremovable off my back. Like a malignant tumor. I had to hasten and fire that arrow because while it was in the quiver, the quiver continued to grow heavier. When it was empty, that quiver was lighter than a sparrow's feather. This is why I fire without caring to take aim, most times hitting the wrong person, like in Pyramus and Thisbe, Romeo and Juliet, Mark Antony and Cleopatra, King Edward VIII and that Simpson woman, Prince Charles and Princess Diana, Harry and Meghan. (He pauses, to think.) Those last two? I cannot place them. Who are they?

Cobweb: (Shrugging.) Not a clue. Probably before my time.

Moth: Never heard of them.

Cupid: Oh, well. Never mind. The memory will come back. They all do, sooner or later. I have missed the mark so many times, romantic love is a veritable metaphor for missing the heart of the matter. The list was doomed to be unending until this curse erupted in Fairyland, and is overtaking the entire world of Fairies and humans.

Cobweb: Sir, I do not see that quiver and arrow on you now?

Cupid: Fell off me when I plunged flightless to the ground. Mighty good riddance, I say. One really good result of this curse happening all around us.

Moth: This means, then, no more lightning bolt romantic love?

Cobweb: Good riddance, I say. That 'lightning bolt romantic love' thingy was the cause of infinite misery.

Cupid: So right, you are! So right! I love you. (Cobweb curtsies to him.)

Moth: But, Mister Cupid, that quiver and arrow could attach themselves to some other unsuspecting innocent, as you were.

Cupid: Not likely! I saw them crash to the ground and explode to smithereens. No greater goodness come about by this present curse, as far as I'm concerned. The end of romantic love. And a very good riddance, I say. Romantic love is like that Serpent in Eden. Just comes out of nowhere and adulterates our chances at perfect happiness.

Cobweb: I'm glad you are free of that quiver and its arrow, sir. Now, sir, please, tell us why you are out and about more than any God.

Cupid: The moment that quiver and its arrow tyrannically attached themselves to me, the curse of irrational romantic love infected the world like a bubonic plague. It was everywhere, more than any self-respecting God cared to be. But I had no choice but to be there, by that confounded quiver and its arrow. I have to sit. This leg is killing me. (They help him to a seat.)

Moth: Here, sir. (He sits.)

Cupid: Thank you. Thank you. Anything to drink?

Cobweb: Sorry, sir.

Cupid: Oh, well, we are probably going to be killed by an animal or something falling on us from the sky, before thirst kills us.

Moth: Now that you are free of the tyranny of that quiver and its arrow, sir, you will not be under the burden of having to be everywhere more than a God.

Cupid: You are so right! That did not occur to me.

Cobweb: Now you can take your time healing that injured leg, because now you can be as unavailable as every God makes a point of being.

Cupid: Yes. Absolutely. By the minute, good things are coming out of this curse. Perhaps we should just let it have its way.

(Smiles all round. They react to sounds of thunderous rumbling in the sky ending in a crash to the ground nearby.)

Moth: We will not disturb you any longer, sir. We will stay quietly at our post until the Queen contacts us.


Cupid: Do you not care, then, to hear why there are unpredictable things happening in the world?

Cobweb: Yes, yes, sir, we most dearly care to know.

Moth: Yes, of course. Please tell us, sir.

Cupid: It is because King Oberon cast a spell on a human named Demetrius, and the King forgot to remove the spell when he lost interest in the human. A spell spills over in unpredictable ways if it is not lifted in a short while. Every Fairy knows this. Everybody is now being adulterated by King Oberon's neglect.

Cobweb: King Oberon has never forgotten to do anything he needed to do.

Moth: Nor Queen Titania.

Cupid: You would rather that Oberon's negligence was deliberate? Which would make him the culprit for all the disasters happening.

(He glares at them. They helplessly look at each other.)

Good, then. Let us believe he just plain forgot. Oberon is a king merely. He is not a God. As a mere king, he cannot be faulted when he forgets.

Cobweb: Could that mean the king, too, will be a victim?

Cupid: His spell; his neglect; him, too. Yesssss! Sooner and later.

Moth: And Queen Titania?

Cupid: (Incinerating Moth with a look.) Hello! And you got all miffed when I observed your friend here is the brighter one!

Cobweb: (In consternation to Moth.) Queen Titania is unable to contact us!

Cupid: (Purposely ignoring their
situation.) When I came upon the two of you here, I was following an object that was tumbling uncontrollably from the sky to Earth. Lots of noise. Did you hear or see something?

Moth: I saw an object crash to the ground, and roll along. I followed the trail for a short while, but I quickly stopped in order to return to my post here. It went that way.

Cobweb: I heard it, but did not see it.

Cupid: It is that good-for-nothing prankster, Puck or Hobgoblin or Robin Goodfellow or whatever.

Moth: Puck, special servant to King Oberon?

Cupid: The very same. I was flying on my way to tell King Oberon of his majesty’s neglect. Puck meets me on the way, and laughs at me when I warn him, and he proceeds to prevent me from going to the King. Then, whammo, he suddenly loses his ability to fly. He crashes to the Earth. The next second the same thing happens to me.

Cobweb: And that is when you turned into an old adult human?

Cupid: Yes!

Moth: Puck, too?

Cupid: I do not know. But I wish! Wish! Wish!

(Cobweb and Moth look at each other in fright.)

Cobweb: We have not hurt anyone, like you and Puck have, Mister Cupid.

Cupid: All right, young lady, that is a fact about me, and I am sorry. I deserve this fate. I have shot my arrows of romantic commitment indiscriminately at vulnerable hearts. I have too often made love a source of agonizing death. This curse on me is justice. I accept it. But I have never hurt anyone intentionally. As that good-for-nothing Puck has.

Moth: All that means is that intention or lack of it has nothing to do with the bad things that are happening. I have lost my ability to fly, and I have grown into this ungainly human adult, and yet I have not harmed anyone my entire life, intentionally or unintentionally.

Cobweb: Me, too.

(They react to sounds of thunderous rumbling in the sky ending in a crash to the ground nearby.)

Moth: Mister Cupid, please, sir, do not get angry. But why is it you think King Oberon's neglect is the cause of all the disasters?

Cupid: That is a fair question. I know because of the flower, "Love-In-Idleness."

Cobweb: I have not heard of that flower, sir. I know the name of every flower in the world. Queen Titania herself teaches every Fairy the names of all flowers. Moth?

Moth: (Looking at Cobweb and then at Cupid.) I have not heard of that flower, sir.

Cupid: I created it by accident. As usual, I shot the arrow in haste, and it killed a bird, turning that bird into a flower that bleeds and wails when plucked. My excruciating burden of guilt forever. The blood has powers. I do not know how Oberon found out. He sent Puck to pluck petals and then steal drops of blood. King Oberon used the drops to conjure up a spell on the human, Demetrius. A spell his majesty has not removed to this day. I hate all flower pluckers! A flower is a miracle within the miracle of life. There are humans who, with flowers plucked, death-bleeding, wailing, in their hands, will smile and say, 'So beautiful; I'll put these in some water.' Takes it days to slowly die in their water. I hate all flower pluckers! Damn you, Oberon!

(Both fairies scream in fright.)

Cobweb: I'm sorry, sir.

Moth: So many times, Queen Titania ordered us to pluck flowers to make coronets. (Few seconds of silence.)

Cobweb: (Softly.) That's why we are victims.

Cupid: (Softly.) My ravaged Love-In-Idleness died in my hands, whispering to me her vow:

"They think
They are so cultured
And so civilized
To cut me down
To bleed
For their delight.

And as in fatal pain
I agonize,
They thrill
They marvel:
"What a pretty sight!"

It was my kind
First brought this world
To life;
Precambrian weeds
Deep in primordial seas.

We'll still be here
Long after their demise.

They're not the first
Nor last
We will survive.

They're just another
Seasonal disease!"

Moth: Sir, how did you find out King Oberon and his Puck had stolen the drops?

Cupid: Because I had created the flower, I know all the thoughts of any living thing that comes into contact with its blood, however tiny
the amount. King Oberon and Puck are the culprits with blood on their hands!

Cobweb: Sir, can you not use some drops to undo King Oberon's mistake?

Cupid: That was my intention immediately I discovered from the flower's powers, Oberon's purpose. Oberon's remorse would have healed my Love-In-Idleness. But it died in my hands, evaporating into the wind. I decided to go to the King, anyway. When I was flying on my way to King Oberon, I was intercepted by Puck. He would not let me talk. He kept attacking me. Suddenly, the both of us lost ability to fly. We plummeted to the ground. On the ground, I turned into this ungainly adult shape.

Moth: Cobweb, we have no other choice but to leave this post and walk our way to Queen Titania.

(They react to sounds of thunderous rumbling in the sky ending in a crash to the ground nearby.)

Cobweb: Mister Cupid, sir, accompany us.

Cupid: Thank you. But this leg will slow you down. Go. Good luck.

(They move to exit. He stops them.)

I've just remembered. Not all changes are for the worse.

Moth: What do you mean, sir?

Cupid: Do you know about your fellow Fairies, Peaseblossom and Mustardseed?

Cobweb: They serve the Queen alongside us.

Cupid: I gather you have not seen them since they changed? (Moth and Cobweb look at each other, worried.)

Moth: (Fearfully.) Oh, no.

Cobweb: We have not seen them, or heard from them in days.

Moth: Oh, no! You know what the curse has done to them?

Cupid: I do. Came to the knowledge by sheer accident. I passed them on the way as I was falling flightless from Heaven to Earth, like my uncle Lucifer long, long ago. He fell like lightning; I fell like a wet feather.

Cobweb: They were falling, too?

Moth: Oh, poor Peaseblossom and Mustardseed.

Cobweb: So, so unfair!

Cupid: I did not say they were falling. (Both look at him.)

Moth: You said you were falling.

Cupid: Yes. I was indeed falling.

Cobweb: And you said you passed them on your way down.

Cupid: Yes, I said that, too.

Moth: That can mean only that you were falling faster than they were.

Cobweb: What else could it mean?

Cupid: It could mean they were flying up, passed me.

Moth: They were flying!

Cobweb: The curse had not yet fallen on them?

Cupid: On the contrary! It had. They turned into magnificent fire-breathing dragons. They were flying around magnificently.

(For a few seconds, Moth and Cobweb are speechless in surprise.)

Moth: (Barely able to get the words out.) I am so happy for them.

Cobweb: Me, too.

Moth: I would love to be a dragon!

Cobweb: Dragons take orders from nobody!

Cupid: That is the spirit! Good for you!

Moth: Thank you for the happy news of our Peaseblossom and Mustardseed, sir.

Cobweb: Yes, Mister Cupid, thank you.

Cupid: Now go find the Queen. This
foot is killing me.

Moth: Uh, Mister Cupid, where do you live?

Cupid: Nowhere right now. I will find a place, and hide from the many people whose love lives I ruined.

Cobweb: If you wish, sir, you could come live with us after we find the Queen.

Moth: (Hastily, and in good humour.) After all, sir, now that you are out of business, we don't have to be concerned about the possibility of having our love lives ruined by you. Meaning no offence, sir.

Cupid: No offence. I accept your offer. Now go. Wait! Have you heard rumours of Fairy outlaws?

Cobweb and Moth: Fairy outlaws?

Cupid: I thought it was a poor joke at the time because I could still fly, and was not aware of the curse about to fall on the world. But if the curse had already arrived, you should be alert for Fairy outlaws.

Cobweb: This is horrible!

Moth: Thank you for the warning, Mister Cupid. Come, Cobweb. Let us go.

(Puck enters in front of them. He is as old as Cupid, and, too, walks with the aid of a walking-stick. He is battered and bruised.)

Puck: Hah! (Shakes his stick at Cupid.) I suspected it was you, you---you---

(They react to sounds of thunderous rumbling in the sky ending in a crash to the ground nearby.)

Cobweb: Moth, let us get out of here!

Moth: Cobweb, we must not desert Mister Cupid---

Cupid: Yes, you must, young lady! He is dangerously confused. He is drifting into criminal insanity. Go!

(Moth and Cobweb exit in consternation, looking back once. Puck attacks Cupid. They fight, using their sticks as swords, while engaging in angry verbal assaults. They are hilariously clumsy, losing balance, missing more times than not, etc.)

Puck, let us talk about this!

Puck: You talk, while I beat you into little pieces!

Cupid: Come now. You said you suspected it was I. Who am I?

Puck: I am not surprised you do not know who you are. You are still wearing that ass's nole I fixed on your head. Still thinking like a donkey, are you?

Cupid: I heard about that trick you played. But look closer, and you will see that I am that human changeling Indian boy you helped King Oberon steal from his Queen Titania.

Puck: That just makes things worse for you because I hate that human mortal. Because of you King Oberon had me running all over the world in search of something or other.

Cupid: You remember what his majesty had you searching for?

Puck: It does not matter. That changeling is a mortal. Why all the fuss? Mortals die eventually. A thousand years from now Oberon and his queen will have long forgotten it lived.

Cupid: So why are we fighting? You and me?

Puck: Because it is your fault.

Cupid: My fault? How is it my fault?

(Puck stands still and thinks. Cupid stands still, too. Puck stares about, confused.)

Puck: I don't remember. But it will come back to me. (He attacks Cupid.)

Cupid: Could it be because of the flower?

Puck: What flower?

Cupid: "Love-In-Idleness"?

(Puck stops. He gets a flash of memory.)

Puck: King Oberon?

Cupid: His majesty ordered you to find it and bring it to him.

Puck: Ordered! Yes. Do this. No, not like that, like this. Go there! Come here! I, Puck, ordered about as I were a tuppenny slave! I who can put a girdle round about the earth in forty minutes, ordered to fetch as I were a mongrel dog!

Cupid: I agree! It is time you take a stand!

Puck: I will! Like this! Like this! Like this!

(Strikes at Cupid each time; Cupid parries each time. Both pause, exhausted.)

Cupid: Back to the flower, then.

Puck: Flower? What flower?

Cupid: The flower the King ordered you to pluck. And when you plucked it, blood flowed.

Puck: (Yelping.) Blood! Yuck!

Cupid: It is my flower. I created it. You and King Oberon used it to cast unrighteous spells to interfere with Nature.

Puck: It could not have been me. I faint at the sight of blood!

Cupid: You closed your eyes and held your breath! The flower told me.

Puck: I do not know anything about a flower. And the King is King because he can do whatever he chooses. Yukkittypoo!

Cupid: Yes. Of course! And this is why you and I are now old farts like this; because King Oberon forgot to undo one of his choices!

(They react to sounds of thunderous rumbling in the sky ending in a crash to the ground nearby.)

Puck: Farts? When I report you to King Oberon, he will turn you into a farting rat! Worse than the farting ass you already are!

(Thunder rumble. An object explodes onto the stage and keeps rolling to exit. Cupid and Puck are thrown to the ground. They lie still for a few seconds, then slowly move. Puck eventually stands unsteadily.)

Puck: I know for a fact that this curse did not begin with King Oberon. It began in the Witch cauldrons of Endor!

Cupid: That’s because, obviously, you are ignorant of the family connections amongst those Witches and the good fairies who serve King Oberon and Queen Titania.

Puck: Hah! Slanderous lies!

Cupid: Clearly, that explosion that felled us to the ground, has damaged your brain.

(In the distance, animal roars and bellowing and growling, approaching.)

Cupid: That is not from the sky. That is on the ground coming this way. I'm getting out of here! (Exits.)

Puck: (Grumbling to himself as he exits behind Cupid.) There was a time I could easily defeat anything on the ground or in the sky!

(Minotaur bursts onstage. It rampages around; sniffs the ground, and takes off after Cupid and Puck. Cobweb and Moth enter, their clothes showing they have travelled through unforgiving forest bushes. They sit to rest. Cobweb looks around closely.)

Cobweb: Moth?

Moth: (Weakly, not looking at Cobweb.) What?

Cobweb: You're not going to like this. (Moth looks at her.) I think we've come back to where we started.

(Both get up and walk slowly, looking around.)

Moth: Were we careless, or is this part of the curse?

Cobweb: Worse. We left two old persons here. And we stumble on bloody body parts back there when we come back.

(Thunder, ending in a crash to the ground nearby. They exit scrambling, crawling on the ground.