Ezra Azra--Whatever Happened To Jonah?

In “The other bible” in The Library of Congress, U.S.A., 1984: ‘The Bible gives a highly censored and distorted version of ancient religious literature.’

In the Bible there are at least two events described that show persons who are unsolicitously in the presence of an almighty God can be physically impacted in a way that even the almighty God cannot prevent, or cause, or, at times, even know about.

The first event was when Moses asked almighty God Jehovah to show His face to Moses. Jehovah said, ‘Thou canst not see my face, for there shall no person see my face, and live.’

In other words, almighty God Himself has no power to prevent harm to any mortal who happens to see His face!

In other words, no God is or can be almighty enough to prevent everything.

The second event was when that “certain woman” suffering with the plague, deliberately touched, without His knowledge, the clothes of the Son of God, to be cured; and she was cured, instantly.

In other words, that Son of a God almighty had no control of the almighty righteousness in Him. He was so taken aback by the involuntary flow of righteousness out of Him into that “certain woman” that he blurted out, “Who touched me?” His disciples were quick to point out that that was a strange question from Him since He was being touched accidentally most of the time by persons in the crowds that followed Him wherever He went.

In other words, unlike that “certain woman”, Jesus, the Christ, was so, in a manner of speaking, out of touch?

These two examples are the foundation of the proper Bible belief that mortal persons who are unsolicitously favored by almighty everlasting God Jehovah speaking to them, directly and not through messenger Angels, are everlastingly righteously proper in their expectation that good things forever accrue to them.

It is, therefore, a sad, sad mystery that most of the, at least, seventeen mortal persons to whom almighty God Jehovah spoke directly, did not benefit eternally.

Adam, in the garden of Eden was the first of those Chosen individuals who, in the forever end, did not benefit at all from being Chosen by an almighty God.

Jehovah Himself claimed Adam was His best of all His countless six-days original creations. Among the very first words Jehovah spoke to Adam were the happiest ever heard by anyone from anyone who righteously cares forever: ‘Behold, I give you everything.’

And yet, after Adam was blessed to live 930 years, nobody knows where he was buried. Did he, the first ancestor of billions and billions of persons, not deserve an everlastingly marked gravesite? It is not recorded that any mortal person ever offered a prayer for or to Adam. So sad.

Eve, Adam’s wife, the Mother of all of us, fared worse even though she was the second mortal in all Creation to whom almighty God Jehovah made the effort to speak.

In the Bible, the Word of God, there is no mention of Eve’s death or eventual age. Nor of a gravesite!

When almighty God Jehovah became disgusted with how evil the world He had made had become, He decided to end it all and start again. He spoke to Noah about being His, Jehovah’s, new second beginning. Noah agreed.

Jehovah brought on a flood that lasted forty days and nights to kill all living things on land, except Noah’s family and the land animals Noah had saved in the ark God had instructed him to build.

It was an exceptionally high honor to have been hand-picked by God to be Creation’s new second beginning.
That is, Noah was made equal with Adam, the first likeness of Jehovah almighty God on Earth!

Noah lived 350 years. He must have accomplished remarkable achievements. Inexplicably, none is mentioned in the Bible!

All that almighty God Jehovah has allowed us to remember of Noah after the flood, is that on one occasion Noah drank himself so drunk that his appalled and embarrassed family found him sprawled naked in a motionless stupor on the floor!

Abram was a Chaldean of no special intellectual note. For that reason it was easy for almighty God Jehovah to seduce him to abandon his people and his family and his homeland, Ur, and go live in a foreign country.

Abram was so without personal note among those people, the Canaanites, that they saw him as nothing but a foreigner; the word meaning foreigner in their language was “hebrew.” The Canaanites, a people far more graciously civilized than that foreigner Chaldean, accorded that ordinary hebrew unconditional kindness and generosity.

In that foreign country, Jehovah spoke directly to Abram no less than 14 times, promising him, more than once, a fabulous world-wide future, starting in that foreign country: “The Lord had blessed Abram in all things.”

Sadly and inexplicably, all those blessings from almighty God directly, were not powerful enough to prevent Abram from being a deliberately cunning liar. Moreover, a deliberately cunning liar to a righteous person, the king of Gerar. Almighty God Jehovah Himself was so displeased with Abram’s evil that He intervened to warn the king against Abram’s evil: “God came to Abimelech, and said to him---.”

In other words, direct face-to-face communication with almighty God did not result in any all-conquering righteousness taking root in that Chaldean named Abram, who proved to be just another common premeditating liar!

Sadly and inexplicably, none of Jehovah’s grandiose promises to Abram materialized in Abram’s lifetime. Abram died at the age of 175, a foreigner, and was buried without ceremony in a cave where his wife had been buried 68 years previously, without ceremony, far from his original homeland.

A clue as to why Jehovah did nothing special for Abram at the end is offered in Jehovah’s confiding in the prophet Habbakkuk just what He really thought of Abram’s Chaldean nation:

“For, lo, I raise up the Chaldeans, that bitter and hasty nation, which shall march through the breadth of the land, to possess the dwelling places that are not theirs. They are terrible and dreadful.”

In other words, from the mouth of almighty God Jehovah Himself, Abram’s deceitful nature was fully naturally genetic in his Chaldean ethnicity.

The really unpleasant mystery is why did an almighty God make such awesomely generous promises and covenants with a man whose nationality that God secretly regarded with so much contempt? A contempt that man’s nation earned, as is evidenced by the fact down the ages Jehovah had occasion to be angry at them at least seven times for being “stiffnecked” against Him.

Isaac was one of Abram’s sons whom Jehovah treated as ambivalently as He had treated Abram himself.

While He repeated to Isaac the grandiose promises he made to Abram, when Isaac was old and blind, Jehovah abandoned him to the premeditated evil deceit of his wife, Rebekah, and their equally evil son, Jacob.

That is, Isaac’s flawless loyalty to Jehovah all his life earned him no protection against most treacherous evil in his very own family, at the end. Nowhere else in world literature in fiction, fantasy and biography, is there a comparable account of a wife and son so easily successfully ganging up to deceive their blind old righteous husband and father, supposedly particularly blessed by that luckless man’s almighty God: “After the death of Abram, God blessed his son Isaac.”

In no other world religion is there recorded an instance of an almighty God leaving in the lurch to premeditating evil an impeccably loyal righteous devotee, whom He had particularly blessed, and who all his life had not displeased his God in any way.

To Moses, almighty God Jehovah spoke directly more times than to anyone else. At least 170 times. Although the maximum total has never been determined, what is absolutely certain is that the final total is many, many times more than 170.

By rational guesstimate, by the time Moses died at the age of 120 years, almighty God Jehovah had spoken to him at least 5 times a day! Happily; most times. It is reasonable to expect that that much happy direct contact with an almighty God would earn any mortal a glorious destiny, forever and forever.

Most sadly, it did not happen to Moses, of whom it is said in the Bible, the Word of God, “And there arose not a prophet since in Israel like unto Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face. In all the signs and the wonders, which the Lord sent him to do in the land of Egypt to Pharaoh, and to all his servants, and to all his land. And in all that mighty hand, and in all the great terror which Moses shewed in the sight of all Israel.”

Moses died a most unfair death brought on by and in the presence of Jehovah Himself, an almighty God criminally unappreciative of loyalty from someone who was originally conscripted against his will by that most dictatorial almighty God, Jehovah.

Jehovah God deliberately determined openly to Moses that Moses would not be allowed to lead His Hebrews into the Promised Land as Jehovah, unsolicited, had promised Moses he would; and that Moses would die alone and far away from everybody.

To this day, nobody knows how Moses died, or, even, where his gravesite is. The Bible states clearly that Jehovah God was there and fully responsible for the end of Moses; and that there were no mortal companions in his company when Moses died!

The end of Moses was most unfair since at one time Jehovah was so impressed by his loyalty, that Jehovah had declared to Moses, “See, I have made thee a God to Pharaoh.” And at another time, “Thou hast found grace in my sight, and I know thee by name.”

Most unfair since, at one time when Jehovah was in one of His immature tantrum moods of ‘kill-‘em-all-and-let’s-start-all-over,’ He made Moses the offer: “I have seen this people, and, behold, it is a stiffnecked people. Now therefore let me alone, that my wrath may wax hot against them, and that I may consume them, and I will make of thee a great nation.”

Of the, at least, 17 persons almighty God Jehovah chose to speak to directly, not through a messenger Angel, Samuel fared the very worst after serving Jehovah flawlessly as High Priest until his death.

After she had weaned her baby, Samuel’s mother had given Samuel, her firstborn, to the High Priest, Eli, to serve almighty God Jehovah in the House of the Lord, forever.

Samuel has the distinctions among the chosen, at least, 17 of being the only one who was spoken to by Jehovah when Samuel was yet a child, and of being Jehovah’s first High Priest to have been instructed by Jehovah to anoint the first two kings of Jehovah’s chosen Hebrew nation.

Sadly, and quite inexplicably, these three highest distinctions together with a lifetime of flawless loyal service, did not save Samuel from suffering the worst fate among the, at least, seventeen.

When King Saul asked the Witch at Endor to locate the spirit of the long dead Samuel, she found that Jehovah had abandoned him deep in the netherworld where Samuel had been made into one of the familiar spirits whom Jehovah God Himself had explicitly condemned:

“Regard not them that have familiar spirits to be defiled by them: I am the Lord your God. The soul that turneth after such as have familiar spirits, to go a whoring after them, I will even set my face against that soul, and will cut them off from among their people. A man or woman that hath a familiar spirit shall surely be put to death; they shall be stoned with stones; their blood be upon them.”

‘Then said the Witch to King Saul, Whom shall I bring up unto thee? And the King said, ‘Bring me up Samuel.’ And Samuel said to King Saul, ‘Why hast thou disquieted me to bring me up?’

In other words, after serving God faithfully all his life, all-righteously and truly holy, Samuel, the High Priest, was made into an accursed underworld familiar spirit, by God Himself!

The prophet Balaam was Mesopotamian. He was not Hebrew. Almighty God, Jehovah, had no covenant-obligation to get involved with him. Jesus, Jehovah’s only child, centuries in the future would affirm this self-imposed pro-Semite racist prejudice: “I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of Israel.”

And yet, when Balaam was in the process of doing that which displeased Jehovah, He took the time to speak directly to that non-Semite Mesopotamian holy man prophet. When Jehovah told him to desist immediately, Balaam obeyed immediately even though it meant treasonously disobeying his own non-Semite King of Mesopotamia.

And yet, despite Balaam’s immediate and unwavering obedience to a God foreign to Mesopotamia, that exclusively pro-Semite God, Jehovah, let non-Semite Balaam be killed in a war, as any other nondescript co-lateral innocent non-Hebrew casualty.

Of the, at least, 17 persons almighty God Jehovah chose to speak to directly, not through a messenger Angel, was Jonah, son of Amittai.

Jonah has the distinction of being the only one of the 17 who turned Jehovah’s intended one-way communication into a forensic dispute.

Moses was the only other who had feebly tried to discuss the matter with Jehovah, but Moses was quickly cowed into supine humility by Jehovah’s tyrannical anger: “The anger of the Lord was kindled against Moses!”

Jonah’s actions, more than his words, challenged, most eloquently, Jehovah’s unfair despotism.

Jonah disagreed with Jehovah’s instruction, and tried to flee and hide. And even when Jehovah caught up with him and punished him, Jonah did not obey penitently; as Moses had.

Eventually, Jonah had to obey almighty God, but he did so under protest, and God punished him again.

The reason why Jonah’s story has been found in only one, so far, of the hundreds and hundreds of translations of the Bible over thousands of years in hundreds of languages, is that Jonah is the only mortal who eventually outwitted Jehovah, supposedly and allegedly an all-knowing God almighty.

The story goes that Jehovah, intending to punish Jonah for all eternity, planned spitefully to trick Jonah into unwittingly selecting the punishment himself. And so Jehovah cunningly offered Jonah a wish in reward of Jonah’s eventual, yet surly, obedience.

What did not occur wittingly to either Jonah or Jehovah was that the prolonged verbal emotional intensely and intently forensic dispute the two had been engaged in for weeks, had made the physical-spiritual interdynamics between them exceptionally developmentally enlightening at a subliminally instinctive level of being, in Jonah. Hence, though unwittingly, Jonah subliminally and instinctively sensed Jehovah’s ulterior spiteful intent in offering him a reward.

And so, with an ulterior design of his own in mind, Jonah wished to be almighty and immortal and in perfect health at age thirty.

Jehovah instantly granted Jonah’s wish, and to seal the covenant Jehovah scooped up dust from the ground at his feet, as he had done in Eden to create Adam.

Jehovah expected the repetition would give the meaningless ritual legitimacy. Jonah pretended so perfectly that Jehovah’s repetition certainly did give the meaningless ritual legitimacy that the self-immersed egocentric almighty God Jehovah quite missed Jonah’s exquisite subterfuge.

In tying the granting of Jonah’s wish for almightiness and immortality in perfect health at age thirty to dust of this world, Jehovah knew that the granted wish would apply only for as long as he, Jonah, was in touch with Earth.

As He had fully intended at least once before to destroy all His Creation and to start all over again, Jehovah fully intended to destroy this world as soon as He had granted that stiffnecked surly son of Amittai his wish for almightiness and immortality in perfect health at age thirty.

While devious spiteful fiercely egotistical Jehovah’s attention was diverted when He had bent to scoop up the dust, Jonah simultaneously bent, unnoticed by devious spiteful fiercely egotistical-egocentric Jehovah, and picked up a small smooth stone and hid it in his pocket.

The moment devious spiteful fiercely egotistical-egocentric Jehovah granted Jonah almightiness and immortality in perfect health at age thirty, Jonah fled far away from this world into outer space many, many times faster than the speed of light.

As long as Jonah had that stone with him from Earth, he would always be almightily immortal in perfect health at age thirty.

And, perhaps Jonah is waiting in the wings for that time when Jehovah eventually succumbs to His ever recurring temptation to destroy this world. Then Jonah, son of Amittai, loyal to this world, will create a new and perfect world, not in this world’s image.
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