Damn That Radio Song  Djurica Radmila   © Copyright 2001 by Djurica Radmila

I was still hearing my "Pictures of You" in the head, looking for the photograph that marked my rare pleasures teen moments in flowers. I was looking at my gorgeous 16 years old boy, stuck somewhere in my messy room stuck somewhere in my messy brain, a memory of the innocent happiness of time that we spend together.

When Civil War in Yugoslavia started from the beginning of 90s, we all had been in our golden age than.

At First it was the war between Croats and Serbs in Croatia, one of at the time Yugoslav Republic in 90'.

I couldn't go for further on in Croatia on Summer Holidays, as we done before, no one could, because we been hating each other. However, there were lots of people from both sides who have had never been personally influenced by this national hatred? I was one of them. It took me at least 5 years to get over my Croatia friends, not crying at the parties where it was played our music, the music of our youth, and school days, endless parties beside the sea, secret vows for lifetime faithfulness, secret looks over the table, love and innocents of that special period of our lives...

He was one of my friend that I will always keep in my heart hidden in subconscious's, a handsome blonde young man, with restless blood running in his vain, that I secretly wanted. We shared the same passion to a same kind of music, taste, and dreams....

Everything. We had our nights, parties, hands under the table, romance.... All this on appearance had gone with the few first years of civil way, with national hatred, fear and political conflicts. But yet, we all been left with our music as lifetime remainder, along with few tries to get together once again on David Bowie's concert in Croatia from the very start of the 90s, when the border closed and horror, global disappointments, mansloter started, when brother killed brother, and best friends became enemies...

Even now, when I hear that song, I know all the words and occasionally if I'm alone I pull out our pictures when we were 16. The pictures that I treasure with special care, whispering to myself that I still care and that I do not want ending on the bottom of the endless Jerusalem Wall of Cry. With the song that is most adequate and consistent to our case, or better say situation, "Pictures of You" by The Cure. All I know by now about him that he [I quess] have fulfilled the part of his dream, educate himself to be high class musician on Music Academy in the country that I once considered as mine, and that he's managing to forget all about me, by now.

"We all been children back than",

I heard that he's saying now. And I heard though that he gladly watches the video of us, where I'm singing this song along with the rest of our song list favourites, with funny ponytail on the top of my head, and the apple on the stick instead of real microphone. And the parody where my sister plays prime horror movie star because at that time she wore iron dental helper for her teeth, for what she was called " iron death" as she played mass killer always ending up in the sea fully dressed. The video of it we use to called "The Parody of All ever made". Still "Pictures of You" by The Cure, marked our last summer together, when he bagged on his knees, with the bunch of flowers in his hands, for me to sing that song only to him. And when I got pissed that much that he has to dump me in the sea upside down holding my legs up, to cheer me up even if he was drunk than I was. And later on, when we got sober his tries to hug me, while his natural innocent shyness in his beautiful blue eyes that went off bursting together with other chemical body reactions...

"We are not kids no more, we are 18 already" he use to say, leading us out to something completely different that was apparently hanging in the air.

That night we been celebrating something, and my sister was telling the story about my very first getting drunk episode when I stocked the elevator with huge jumps, as I wanted to prove the gravitation rule. This story gave our friends an idea that I might be very amusing knocked pissed, so she gave a huge cocktail, full of sugar and ice together with half bottle of vodka in. Even If I was aware of the consequences I would be drinking it from the bottom, because I wanted to prove how good I am in drinking without really really getting drunk. Any way I got so drunk that I couldn't swim that night at all, even if I was very good swimmer. Someone pushed me in the sea, even if I was completely dressed. He saw me sinking, so he jumped in the sea pulling me out.

"I'm so heavy, how come that I can not swim"

"Shut up, you crazy, I don't wanna loose You now", he said.

Soon all other boys went on jumping following his example. I clambered out of the sea, and run along the edge to take refuge under the port umbrellas, that was used to keep boats roped to a port. He picked up a towel and catching up, began to dry my laughing down at me. His eyelashes stuck together with water and his blue eyes rivalling, the drained sapphire of the sky.

Gradually in his arms I calmed down and stopped giggling. Our song "Pictures of You", by The Cure was banging on, and he wanted me to sing, so I sang, saying something that remanded the words of the song.

"Quick, here is Rada's father coming, lets hide her, he'll realised that she's been drinking." Someone than said. I was lying on floor covered with fish nets, hearing my father saying "Common', take these nets away from here, someone will eventually fall down, stacking the leg in between." I remember that I wanted to keep on singing "Pictures of You", but I couldn't because of the huge amount of alcohol in me that I wasn't used on. And I remember me trying to move the head away from the smelly throw up liquid.

Later on, my breathing became heavier, as suddenly he got up stepped over me, and went towards the bed. Through halfshut eyes that I saw were gazing down, very slowly. He loved to keep his hands in the pockets, so he put his hand out and began to stroke my face. I was still drunken do not recognising the face, yet I knew that was he. Was him, or was that somebody else?

As"Pictures of You" was absolute hit that summer, the brand new The Cure, and he was bragging that he's gonna go abroad on The Cure Concert, by looking straight at me. I knew that I was the one who he wanted to bring along.

"But David Bowie is coming to Zagreb [capital of Croatia now] soon, I can't wait to see that one", he said.

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