The Secret of My Memories KC Chan Haw   © Copyright 2020 by KC Chan Haw

The sun on the mountain nest, sets high up above, breathing below the heaven nectar, words, statements and some of my personal opinions tergiversate each of my terabit here. Resting as I am and should in a chair less comfortable in a columbarium, but yet what bothering me as justice has not brought forth its purpose of such new provoking disease (yet again!) - killing subjects on an instant.

Every single news related to COVID 19 connives at the core ‘human crisis’: infectious disease emergence, global surveillance and global preconceived notion of human diseases corrupting human lives. Ever since the first hit of Malaria, everything that had been preceded, today still resonating whatever around us connotes nothing but fear. Fear of being attack and we (humans) are once more defeated due to our negligence or maybe we haven't got the heart to care.

White Papers could only provide a precis to least intellect or rather in such time share only among those donnish whose decisions and opinions are better known as ‘White’. Could a satirist (of any form) be still thought as mocking or playing out his parody? Once before a time, we drive ourselves close enough to where apocalypticism breathe, the smarter subjects call them mad and eschew from their mud of purgatory beliefs.

Another religious belief conquers the other (whatever the world is arguing to believe in and establish their faith) and so does the corollary to the human infectious diseases. Asians pay quite a high price to ‘value’ and respect their deceased cinerary urns in the columbarium. Some received (and should deserve) positive complimentary while the others utilized for their personal gain. Therein somehow in later times, forms the crux and cornerstone of - ‘pay me nett, you'll get an exceptional location.’ Filial piety had become less a norm practice while those once loved by parents remained obscure about it.

In the movie ‘Noah’, the main actor (Noah himself) said rather softly than a shout out to its audience, “They forget strength comes from the creator.” Well, back in our seats, our mind said this, ‘Believe in Noah, heaven might press you charges that your wealth couldn’t pay. Heaven who?’ We asked as though it were humans’ intelligence built upon some architectural arch of heavenly space: a travelling spaceship passed the immigration check so called leading to the mysterious ‘black hole’ and ‘milky way’ in peace without interfering acquiesce.

Remember one of Hollywood’s best line said by the charming Morpheus to the handsome Neo in Matrix (sequel one), “the red pill or the blue pill?” Reality and freedom IS your choice, supposedly so, otherwise, humans would have departed and assimilated into an advanced dimensional world called ‘WHO world’.

Questions raised, eyebrows twitched, translators spoke, the world looked and stared at the gasping grimace mulling over something we played from young - ‘act as if you knew the answer’. Indeed they were called into the meeting by the World Health Organization to resolve world health issues under emergency call. When the meeting was over in the depressing hall, participated nation who spoke in one of the other foreign language out so loud were the Southern Arabians - so barbaric the descendants of the chosen one would affirm but in the world of no religious foul play, their hearts soared above intelligence and advanced technology. How their attributes married to politics and science in this century can be quite an amazing race for some progressing nations.

Marriage at one point diverted to accept anything but honoured and celebrated a home of two. Many, on both fences, heterosexual or homosexual defy the truth both these contractual and meaningful adults meant to be. How else should we redefine the word ADULT? Like lead cascading into their thoughts and behaviors engulfing further to fashionize the vocabulary of ONE-NIGHT-STAND. In obviousness, this is only meant to limit to ADULT readers. Pernicious as they had believed (once upon a time) was far from being true and then we drive through another yet promising deadly infectious disease that toiled the ego of every phallocentric: AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency) acquired from illicit behaviors and downright progressively demeaning in every aspect.

In E.B White’s novel Charlotte's Web made into a movie, the piglet told the spider this and many squirmed in their seat, “You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Children paid more attention to their friendship in the farm more rather to seeing the truth of human values in its most complex face. In everyday mathematics logic, Logarithm by far does not equate simply above our heads; values are calculated not by chance nor probability. Mistakes here are often measured and incapacitated. Spider web formed by Charlotte has less to work around this logic for no one thinks further but just a story coming up from another author.

Our ancestors have warned us all not to toy with the myth of ‘don’t idolize your mind and make full use of it’. Fundamentally, no one understands until a German girl named Anneliese Michel redefined its ancestral characteristic of mental illnesses. Until a team of scientists proved there could be something inside or outside us that deforms our mental capacity (or mind? Whatever it is called?). Drugs will do justice for a temporary moment but how else one would respond to the criminal justice house of act.

Since then, psychiatrists and religious practising priests have to succumb to her tormented twisted reality: killing both demons with one stone - the inner (vulnerability) and outer (drug diagnosis). Law enacted by MEN surrounding issues on mental illness justice has no room for further discussion as facts and research push donnish or veterans to rethink about what a newer chemical inside us (dopamine) would do to us.

Fascism in varying directions continues spinning off into maelstrom. If one party decidedly to terminate or discourage its movement, both affected populations believed this is worse than the theory of apocalypticism. Should there be a functionable phagocyte exercises its form to protect, humiliation and illusions are observed as threat meantime only esoteric members of society cushion it off as it is part of marking another yet epoch of human activities.

This time round, more motivational practitioners stood in different world corners and stated in loud clear voice, “it’s OKAY, we just have to maintain peace inside and learn to let go.” An antidote that still works for a while among the mass population at current time. Half the time, they worked harder selling more books and parking more public speaking engagement under their belt. A cup of smaller portion from the martyrdom whistled strength but then only after the wife and children turned in to bed can their words of encouragement both made some progress.

Well, it turned out it was not ‘OK’ for some diseased infected people around the world. Quite a large number of them may appear fine, but to them it was the end of their utopia world. They must have begun to think being infected with HIV or cancer or any deadly disease their health conditions were managed by some ‘high level’ of health standard (of course minus off the myth of cure).

Psychologically, they faced their death sentence in a sleeping mode. Doctors around the world says, “We’re still looking for a cure so far.” Belief so far has been distorted with stigma and discrimination. By this time, Buddhism taught most us to be less concerned with internal struggle, it advises infected ones to focus on their wrong doings and repent from their mistakes. It is therefore still a choice to be made.

HIV patients then and now are in the minds of some outcast in most society, be it there are some legal regulations or not however to accept them slowly is a great deal of challenge, and it remains a significant debate among parents and children.

In some parts of the world, children and women were (once again) victims of public crime. To recall such analogy with anyone affected with the news, it was recommended to learn more about Europe art scene. Place audience into the Europe theatre whom once thought they were safe and secured, the noted Pierrot should in present time, stands side by side with Hollywood Joker and The Purge. Aristocrats could have attempted to rewrite the history of Pierrot for a paradox that seemed to enter the new era of crime scene rejecting the false ideology of racism and sexist.

Premature sociopath murderer turning into philanderer front for their crime acts in several locations rendering all crime observers to state clearly in front of every TV station documentary that ‘They are all mentally unstable.’ What had shackled these criminals from believing what shambolic actually meant in their systematic and well planned act was rather oddly misrepresented in courts or in tabloids - “I have no comment.”

Victims screamed for justice on behalf of gaining pride in their denouncement of sex and death. While the crime driver drove them and by watchers mad in thrilling them in Pierrot's motionless drop dead shoulders. Maybe only the aristocrats at this point understood the drama of this young petite man. They smiled and applauded on the other side of tangent of the world where art survived at the least.

Therefore in the Hobson’s choice, education remains the key to empower the underprivileged and least common people. For let’s say for a probability of three public poll, two agreed that it takes more than just brains to stand out from the crowd. Or perhaps they would take the role of Miss Universe or Miss World to manifest this point. Bringing up the poverty margin line and calling for action for sick people in non-English speaking countries were their fundamental mission to eradicate inequality among peoples.

No matter how their physical shapes and heights were judged, their wide smiles and their intrepid acts so human, we only cared the winner would be crowned before we dropped dead in front of the TV set. After all, the next Miss Universe or Miss World crowned on her sub-cultural stage would most likely had torched quite a half million of population across the world without prejudice. Her journey followed by remained in the hands of smarter people who thought she could ‘change the world on an instant’. Partly, its industrial traditions and values were robust in this century, the most part, beauty and talent had a voice second to none to healing worldly diseases. Still as rampant as before, their characteristics had brought to a CURE to all otherwise, their duties must have been fulfilled.

On a more scientific level, through their patient and kind acts, more scientists entered the scientific research to better advance medical treatment to all global citizens nonetheless less successful. Either their experiment had stepped into an ambitious abyss or a whispering campaign in political drive had won over the truth of science. Health issues amid global politics are connected like macrame where Christmas trees sometimes displayed them so publicly.

 Another pratfall in medical research insights proved only their work deserved to be recognised as growing and developing researchers. Battling through the tedious tasks, these veterans could be seen running from room discussion to labs experiment, and further on, to writing and producing endless journal reports and presentation. Professional work funded as such had only showed they better themselves as a more refined researcher less of a saviour. In reality, sun worshipper enjoyed life they ought to deserve, getting a sun tanned, remembering they were sick as well as their loved ones ignoring the outcome of advanced invention of medical updates. On the other side of the world, doctors and researchers walked together under the phantom of political stratus - offering more funds to them if more LEGAL drugs were invented.

Phone suddenly ringing in my bag and I pick it up to listen to what seems to have distanced myself away from a peaceful break from news. A closed friend tells me the government is providing some financial relief to us - suffering and affected citizens from COVID19. Indeed, in every way, financially I am affected for I am struggling to earn a living. Inside my breathing nest, I revive another stream of oxygen that would make me breathe better at this moment of truth: forgiveness.