: Aravindan Sumaithangi Sambasivam--Respecting Above Age

Respect is the degree of addressing one person to another. It applies to all living and non living things in the universe. Everyone wants to retain their respect. Everyone and everything need to paid respect at it required level. Paying respect at its required level is the normal or usual custom which we have to adhere to. But in recent observation, a habit of respecting above the required level among people is happening. We need to discuss the impact of the same. Here the person giving respect can coded as respecter and the one who is receiving respect is respectee, as like transferor and transferee.

Age is the simple and common criteria which intiates respect. Age is simply the number of years the person is living in this world. How old are you means how long you are living. From a child to a person aging above 80, everyone like everyone like to addressed as young. Every one want to reduce their age not for the purpose of applying to any position, but for the fantasy in being addressed as young. No body is willing to be called as aged or old one. On the contrary to above many have started using words to address others more than their age this is over-respecting or respecting above age; ultimately calling as an older person. Respecting to their age is true respect and above age is false respect. We will see what about these respects mean.

As already discussed, respecting to the age is true respect and above the age is false. Calling or addressing people according to their age is true respect and calling people with most respectful words above their age is false respect. When an unknown person is to be addressed, no clue about his age then can use good respectful words. Here this is not false respect. Addressing younger age people with usual way of addressing like calling by name or by relationship is a true respect. A type of address which is not ambiguous in addressing a person is true respect and the ambiguity in calling is false as there is no necessity in such addressing.

Respect is always expected from heart, then how it could be true and false? Yes, When the respect is above the required level then we are misleading the person as if he/she is eligible for such a praise which is undue for them. It is a form undue influence. As per contract law undue influence is punishable. Respecting over and above the required level is undue influences which false as well as a punishable act. Over respecting may look like enthusiastic, but the actual impact is drastic. Over-respecting is a misleading act which makes the person assume as if he/she is sitting on very place in other’s heart due to the false respect, the respectee will start assuming that he/she will get the same level of higher respect everywhere. This unusual expectance of higher level respect makes the respectee to live in an imaginary world , which never makes him to understand the ups and downs of the life. This unusual respect does not make him to accept the scold when he even does a wrong thing. The real reasoning skill goes off, due to addiction on over respect or unusual praise.

False respect can also be identified as high dosage of medicine which practically harms the respectee. The pathetic thing is neither the respecter nor the respectee really knows the psychological harm or gap created in their conversation. Why gap created in conversation? Every time we may not happen to address with over respectful words, but some time we may have to address as normal also. When we address an over respected person with normal calling, then that person will surely assume that he has been thrown out, when he hears normal way of addressing. He will think as even scolding, as he was tuned with only over respecting. For him anything over respecting is normal and normal is unusual. Practically this is vice versa. Practically calling or addressing anybody with usual way of respect will only keep up the bondage and improve the understanding to very higher level. Neither the scolding nor the over respecting will never any intimacy among people. This is be more decorative when we hear, this unusual address at higher level will land up in problem as it will pose that the respect is only for the name sake or have any work accomplished. This false respect is very much could be observed when many address children in relations or of their friends in a very degree of respectful words. Speaking to children or boys/girls with high degree of respectful words will not show the real respect. Actually the intimacy will develop when we acknowledge with usual way of addressing them. Usually calling younger people with high degree of respectful words will make them assume that they are so special and will expect such special from everywhere and everyone which is practically not possible at all.

Making others to believe as special without any acquired special effort from them, ensures such special is basic requirement of them from the society at large. These kind of attitude will never help them to perform to their potential. Making believing as special is entirely different from encouragement. Encouragement is simply identified potential which is looked up for better performance. In over respect there is not identified potential, only addressing through decorative words. In encouragement the person with some identified potential tries to groom self or searches avenues for grooming. In false respect or over respect people tend to assume as special and when such respect is denied, without realizing they tend to have wrong ideas or wrong decisions.

The unusual height of false respect will not give the alertness of damage when happen to fall. With reference to scolding that cannot be encircled as false respect. When we scold we make the people to come down or suppress. But while scolding we should always be careful in pointing out the actual mistake or the damage happened. Other than English, Indian languages have N number of beautiful words which reflect high respect. These respectful words only to be used according to its credibility. Like medicine, these respectful words are high end ones, which used very cautiously. Not only with children within friends also currently addressing with pet name or childhood names has also reduced to a very larger extent. Calling friends with “sir” has increased a lot among highly educated professionals.

If we are true in our respect, then we have to address them as we have to address them from our side. We should never try to address the other by unnecessarily elevating them. Usual was of addressing everyone with respect to their age, position will only ensure smooth relationship continued for ever. False respect or over respect may look like icing on the cake, but it is always half baked. This will break the relationship or intimacy one day of the other. Calling by pet name, childhood name, nick name has to be brought to 360 degree to ensure practical joy. False respect or over respect is only a false praise which will suspect the real love itself. The society should come out of the enthusiastic approach of over respect to make the day to day life dutiful and beautiful.

I was born on 08-Jan-1980. I have completed M.F.C and M.B.A (fin). I also started writing poetry in my mother tongue Tamil as well as in English. In my mother tongue capable of writing poetries in few traditional scales of venba, aasiriyappa. In English capable of writing in cinquain, diamante and acrostic forms. Normally use freestyle in my poetry writing in English. I have already published a poetry book Heart Instructing the Mind. I am currently working in a private concern. I live in Tamil Nadu, India.

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