Plus One     Thomas Turman   © Copyright 2025 by Thomas Turman

Photo by Vishnu R Nair at Pexels.

All Blanton’s embossed invitations included the typical ‘Plus One’ after the relative’s name. ‘You can bring one other person to the wedding’ is what this means but be careful what you ask for; you might get it.

What she can’t control are the older cousins of her daughter. With their tattoos and piercings, they are a gang of unknowns; who knows what or who their ‘Plus One’s might be.

Sure enough, two of the female cousins displaying full rebellion dress with crazy hairdos, hats, tattoos and piercings, dance through the double doors into the formal hotel dining room harmonizing on one of the currant pop songs. Their Plus Ones, in yesterday’s clothes, menace the waiters and the bartender. None of the elderly aunts is fainting, though, so Blanton thinks she’s made it past the most embarrassing entry of the morning.

Next, from her carefully chosen observation/greeting post, she sees her husband’s brother Chance burst into the room with his arm around a pretty woman half his age.

“Blan, this is Cherry my Plus One,” he shouts to his brother and sister-in-law in his usual three-scotch-voice. “Let’s get this thing started.” Certainly another kind of entry Blanton had hoped to avoid.

Cherry, stunned by the stares from the few well-dressed relatives and the elegant room, wobbling on her very high heels, looks like she might pass-out. Blanton wrestles her away from Chance and prances her to the bar. Cherry finally takes a breath, clutches Blanton’s arm and smiles. Blanton tries to smile too…

…then through the double doors comes Pace Neval Hoxton, Blanton’s best friend since they met in the third grade at Mrs. Saville’s school for girls. The joy at seeing her long-time social accomplice disintegrates when Pace drags her Plus One toward Blanton. It is W.T. Hitchens; Blanton’s former lover and fiancé. With her arm still hooked to W.T., Pace’s clipped smile and cold stare say all there is to be said about their attendance.

The lunch has turned into a psycho-social-research-project-nightmare. What else could happen?

Some distant, truly small-talk relatives from Wyoming and two workmates of her husband’s slip into the hall without incident. Blanton takes a couple of deep breaths, and gulps her drink hoping that the afternoon’s drama is over...

…when Baltz family friend Chick crashes through the entry doors, stumbles and falls on his face. His Plus One casually steps over him and introduces herself as Blanche M. Melody. Blanche, preceded by her significant bust, continues on into the room shaking hands leaving Chick to fend for himself. Chick is another of Blanton’s former lovers she’d hopped never to see again. Talk about ‘Plus-One luck of the draw’.

Bradford, who had invited Chick, helps him to his feet and steadies a chair for him.

“Don’t need a God-Damned chair. Going to be alright…” in his best drunken bar bluster. To his wife Bradford mouths, “Surprised?”

Blanton, with eyes closed, slightly nods her head “Yes.”. What Brad doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

From his chair, Chick leans forward and stage whispers, “Blan, remember the time we made love on the third-floor balcony of this hotel?”

Bradford lets go of Chick’s chair, straightens up and retreates to stand by Chance at the bar.

Before she can recover from the Chick entrance, her daughter arrives surrounded by the squad of her six bridesmaids. Family members rush to cluck and coo over the bride. The bridesmaids spread out in military ‘take the field’ style searching for their Plus Ones. None has arrived yet due to the on-going bachelor’s party taking place up on the hotel’s top floor. The bridesmaids, in their matching but strikingly ugly dresses, regroup at the bar. Much to the glee of the predatory Chance and Chick.

Blanton tries to gain control by announcing, “Please take a seat for lunch everyone. Find your name card and sit so we can move on.”

There is a massive re-arranging of Blanton’s ordered seating tags by those who know who they want as lunch partners. The final groupings are just introducing themselves when the groomsmen in tuxedos crowd into the room carrying the naked groom held high above their heads like a conquering hero.

Total Silence.

Cherry and Blanche Melody are the only ones who rush to tend to Blanton Tallow Baltz as she faints out cold onto the cheap, dining room carpet.