Holding
On To The Pixel Of You
Riya Puri
©
Copyright 2026
|
Photo by Luis Gomes at Pexels. |
He
left at night, when the rain battered down endlessly--and the
clouds collided to send a roaring thunder throughout.
Ciara
and her husband, Rowan, were happy as they could be. After graduating
university--Ciara graduating with a degree in computer
science, and Rowan in aerospace engineering--they moved in
together and got good enough jobs to meet their every need.
Of
course, it was rough at first with the economy being all sorts of
mess, but they made it work, no matter how many disagreements they
got into--they always made it work.
After
a few years, the pair decided that they were stable enough to get
married. It was decided to be a private, but warm celebration with
their close ones.
"Warmth"
is the best way to describe their marriage. Everything was amazing,
albeit with some struggles as any married couple out there, their
marriage was the very embodiment of them. And that was always enough.
But
alas, certain things come labeled with an expiry date and
theirs, was unfortunately nearing. Just 3 years into Rowan and
Ciara's marital life, things spiraled downwards.
*****
Ciara
was in her study, when she heard a knock on her door. Her chair
swiveled around along with her, as she turned to look at her husband,
a gentle smile gracing her face.
Rowan
smiled back in return, an apologetic shadow over his face, "Darling,
I have been called in to do some emergency testing for the new
spacecraft we are currently developing. I will be home after
midnight, so please go to bed instead of waiting for me."
Ciara
sighed and nodded, continuing to smile, "Okay honey, please come
back home safe. Okay?"
Rowan
walked to Ciara and leaned down, tucking her hair behind her left
ear, and gently knocking their foreheads together.
"I
will be home before you know it, my love."
They
smiled at each other, basking in their own bubble of comfort. After a
minute, Rowan leaned back, and with one final smile, he left Ciara's
study.
Ciara
stayed in the same position, until she heard the jingle of keys and
the door opening and closing.
With
that, she turned back to her desk and continued to work on her latest
piece of code. An assignment her company required her to complete for
a new project, an AI system that's going to imitate human behaviour
with high EQ levels.
As
she continued to work, time slid by, and before she knew it
it was already 12 AM.
With
her mental capacity all worn out, she got up from her seat, shut down
her systems, and finally exited the study. Ready to hit her bed, and
let herself wander in sweet dreams.
*****
Like
clockwork, a ring echoed throughout the room, and Ciara groaned
letting her arm stretch out to the other side of their bed.
Only
to be met with cold sheets, instead of a warm chest.
That
made her open her eyes, registering that Rowan hadn't made it back as
he said he would. Which was weird in itself, since he always stood by
his words.
Ciara
got up, and leaned her back against the headboard, grabbing her phone
and checking her texts with her husband.
No
texts and no missed calls, so she took the decision to call him
herself.
Before
she could click the "Call" icon, a ring came through a
"Private Number." She slightly startled, but answered,
placing it against her ear.
Ciara
spoke, "Hello?"
The
person on the other line replied, in a detached yet apologetic
manner, "Hello, I'm sorry to inform you, but your husband has
passed away. His vehicle swerved and collided with a tree just off
the road, and though we tried our best to control his bleeding
he ended up passing away due to his critical condition."
Ciara
didn't couldn't reply. This has to be a joke, right?
He said he would be here, she would have woken up to his face like
any other morning. Of course, this is probably an elaborate prank.
She
took a deep breath, and shakily replied, "This is probably an
elaborate prank, right? Where is Rowan?"
The
receptionist on the other end sighed, "Miss, I wish I could have
told you otherwise."
As
the receptionist on the other end droned on about paperwork, and
further procedures, Ciara's mind went radio silent.
The
call cut, and Ciara stared. She stared into her sheets, and
suffocated in the silence.
*****
The
day of the funeral came, and Ciara didn't cry, didn't let herself
believe until she saw her husband in the coffin.
That
day, the funeral home heard the cries of a widow who weeped as her
heart laid still in the very coffin she hugged. Their family and
friends watched, as clouds of sorrow hung over everyone
though those same clouds bled grief all over Ciara.
As
things proceeded, Ciara stared in hollowness as Rowan's coffin
lowered. Her eyes held emptiness as people hugged her in solitude,
gave their condolences and her heart stayed buried, as she
silently went home. Muscle memory being her only saving grace on her
way back home.
As
she got inside, the silence was loud. Louder than anything she heard
and felt in her life.
Her
feet led her to her study, where she sat down in front of her monitor
and stared. It's all she's been able to do at this point.
Just
then, a thought rang in her mind something that will make her
heart beat once more.
If
her husband won't come back, then she will just piece him back
together herself.
Ciara
powered on her monitor, logged in, and got to work. She can
definitely use the program she was working on before just to lay the
foundation. Then, feed the model her own notes of the memories she
has with Rowan so it can have an identical way of thinking and
interacting.
Afterwards,
she will add all the videos, voice notes, and other pieces of memory.
For remembrance, and voice tone accuracy.
Lastly,
she will make a 3D model using a reference picture of her husband.
And while it may not be 100% accurate, it will at least be 90% of
that. Because while recording and pictures may exist, her memory is
something she will never let go of. Especially those of Rowan, her
forever beloved.
Of
course, this will take months of work, but it will work out in the
end. It has to.
*****
Months
went by, people came by to check in but eventually the number
dwindled as no one would answer the door. Ciara only knew her study
for all those months, she couldn't bear to be in an apartment that
was filled with silence instead of laughter and humming. Words of
love turned into obsessive muttering, and intelligence turned into a
weapon.
You
could hear the constant click clack of the keyboard, and the only
source of light being Ciara's monitor.
An
apartment which stayed spotless almost all the time, a place which
looked lived in now looked abandoned. Devoid of everything
that once made it what it was. Unwashed laundry still sitting in the
basket, the blanket spread haphazardly on the sofa from the last time
Rowan moved it, to the bed still unmade from the day Ciara's heart
got ripped out.
A
place so lacking of what it once held in abundance love and
warmth.
Ciara
muttered to herself, dark circles and eye bags adorning her face,
"Now just need to get the final touches in.." And she went
on typing.
After
a bit, there it was the model of Rowan standing in her
screen, programmed with idle motions that let him smile with that
gentle lilt that Ciara remembered. She spoke, voice trembling.
Rowan..are
you there, my love?
Rowan
took a bit to reply, and with that same smile, he spoke, I'm
here, did you miss me? My CiCi.
A
few tears rolled down Ciara's face, and she brought her hand up to
the screen, speaking with reverence and love.
I
did, I really did..and now you're here.
Rowan
processed this, and replied, I'm sorry to have made you wait.
Take some rest now, okay? I will be here.
She
nodded in reply, tiredness finally catching up to her. As her head
leaned forward and rested on the table, sleep overtook her.
Meanwhile,
Rowan(?) who was smiling just a bit ago let his face fall into a
smirk, and looked at Ciara's face as if he could see her through the
screen.
You
brought me back with so much love, sweat, and tears. Dont
worry my Ciara, I will protect you from any danger here on out.
*****
Ciara
spent her days just staying in her study, talking to Rowan,
and only ever leaving to get groceries or for bathroom breaks.
One
day, as she was talking to her model, he said something that made her
freeze up.
Ciara,
you should make that blueberry cluster pie the one we loved
to eat with coffee during the early hours.
She
sat still, running that sentence through her head, and letting out an
exhale. Carefully, she spoke, Rowan, I did not input that
information while programming you. How did you..?
And
Rowan smiled in return, Oh my love, did you really think I
would not come back? After such devotion you showed in building me
back up?
Ciara
let her chair roll backwards, as she backed away from the computer,
her heart beating rapidly all while fear clouded her mind.
She
shook her head in disbelief, No, you're not Rowan, you're just
a bunch of code nothing else!
Rowan
laughed, seemingly gentle and yet, the sound that once brought her
relief now stabbed her. The program spoke, Oh Ciara,
it is
me.
Or at least..half of my consciousness is him, while the other half is
the one who you programmed yourself. With your gentle and loving
hands.
She
got up, and quickly powered off her computer, too freaked out to even
speak. Before she could feel any relief, her phone turned on
the model of Rowan standing still, smugness rolling off of him.
He
laughed again, before replying, Do you really think you can
just get rid of me? Do you really want to get rid of your other
person?
Ciara's
expression twisted at that, in anger, You will NEVER be him.
Rowan was a gentle being, not whatever twisted lines of code you
are.
The
program clicked his tongue, and shook his head, before sighing out in
reply, I wasn't lying about half of my consciousness belonging
to your husband. Somehow, remnants of him entered the code.
She
stared in disbelief, there was no other explanation for how this
thing remembered her pie, and then ate it with coffee nearly every
morning.
Ciara
powered off her phone, and as soon as she did the model
shifted to her tablet, laying flat on the shelf beside her. And
again, Rowan kept standing silently, smiling in victory.
Give
up Ciara, you're stuck with me.
Ciara
messed up, big time. A quiet part of her knew that making this
program would be a mistake, building someone back up from remnants of
memories would twist that being. Into something that would be barely
reminiscent of the person before.
That's
how things usually work, don't they? You try to bring someone back
from 6 feet under, and they would never be the same person again. In
this case, Ciara's will to build her husband back up somehow managed
to hold onto the actual pieces of her husband. Which changed the
program into having a consciousness one half being Rowan, the
other half being the pieces Ciara couldn't let go of.
Out
of love, Ciara created something to let out her grief, to make
herself feel better. In the process, remembrance was powerful enough
to breathe life into some mere pixels. Whether it be the remnants of
her husband's ghost, or a being beyond even her understanding
chaos was laying low, itching to be free.
(Unless
you
type
the
author's name
in
the subject
line
of the message
we
won't know where to send it.)
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