Fried Chicken Gizzards

Robert P. Herbst

© Copyright 2005 by Robert P. Herbst


It was only recently, when I discovered there are people out there who have never even heard of Fried Chicken Gizzards. In our modern world, I find this absolutely unbelievable. I have been to the chicken gizzard farms and seen, with my own eyes, the thousands of little chicken gizzards running about trying their best to wrest choice morsels of food, found in the feed tray, from their siblings.

This is a heart warming sight as the little gizzards flock to the visitor begging for treats. It’s quite hard to refuse them, but the farm regulations prohibit feeding the little gizzards, as there is great concern about the spread of infectious disease. The little gizzards are severely limited in their ability to move about, to keep them soft and toothsome. Thousands of them are packed, by the farmer, into an area the size of a military Quonset hut. One or two germs dropped by the casual visitor could spread through the whole Chicken Gizzard house within a day killing all of them like the Black Death.

Periodically, the little gizzards are rounded up and packaged for sale by the Chicken Gizzard Friars. The gizzards are then sold to select distributers with all the profit going toward the support of their order. So, when you buy and eat Fried Chicken Gizzards, you not only have a tasty treat in your hands, but you are also supporting a charitable organization.

As Mount Perry seems to be the heartland of the Chicken Gizzard production industry, I thought I might spend a bit of time educating those of you who have never eaten a chicken gizzard. The gizzard is what’s left after one disposes of the rest of the annoying chicken. With the advances in genetic engineering, our very own Dr. Gene Splicer has developed a line of Hybrid Chicken Gizzards, produced primarily for the Fried Chicken Gizzard trade and sold only by the Fried Chicken Gizzard Friars.

It was only the other day when I mentioned Fried Chicken Gizzards to a friend from England and he was shocked, we here in Mount Perry, would eat such a thing. This was told to me by a man living in a land where they wrap fried fish and potato chips in a sheet of old newspaper and call it a treat.

I’m almost glad I didn’t mention the fried chicken livers for sale in the very next tray. I just can’t imagine a man from a land where explosives are served for breakfast not having at least tried Fried Chicken Gizzards. The last time I was in England, it was right there on the menu, "Fried Eggs and Bangers".

Now I fully understand we at one time advertised a breakfast cereal shot from guns, but this should not have discouraged my friend from at least trying a Fried Chicken Gizzard. I tried the Fried Eggs and Bangers while I was over there. Unfortunately, by the time the bangers reached my table they seem to have lost their explosive best. I poked one with my fork and all it did was hiss a little and deflate.

Why, I’ll bet there are even more Brits over there who have never even heard of Fried Chicken Gizzards. What a terrible way to go through life, separated, by politics, from a tasty treat and being subjected to eating fish and potato chips from sheets of old newspaper.

At this point I must advise the reader it is necessary to get your Fried Chicken Gizzards immediately after they are cooked. A little too long under the infrared lights used to keep them warm and the gizzards mummify into hard, dried out little bits of gristle. However do not throw them away simply because they are a bit dried out.

I was once out in a boat with a bucket of fried gizzards when the boat sprung a leak. Grabbing a hammer I drove one of the gizzards into the hole. Years passed before I had another opportunity to go out in a boat again.

A few weeks ago I was at the same boat yard where I'd rented the leaky boat. There was poor old leaky over on the side of the boat yard. Termites had eaten most of the wooden boat hull away, but the gizzard was still there, hanging grimly onto the anchor rope. How can one find fault with a food as tenacious as this? Knowing it’s tenacity, one can just imagine the Fried Chicken Gizzard laying there in the digestive tract daring you to try to digest it. Now there is a picture to warm the coldest of hearts.

Should you find you have unwittingly purchased dried Fried Chicken Gizzards, all is not lost. It is possible to beat them with a hammer until they are once again soft. Unfortunately, in doing this, most of the tasty crust will fall off the gizzard. The gizzard, however, will, after a few whacks, be tender enough to eat.

The dried Fried Chicken Gizzards also make excellent slingshot ammunition. Unfortunately, their lack of uniformity makes their flight erratic and it will be necessary to sneak up to within a few feet of your elephant, before taking your shot. Fortunately, one shot with a dried fried chicken gizzard is usually all it takes to bag your quota.

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