Rio Bravo Grande
Marcela Torres
©
Copyright 2024 by Marcela Torres
|
Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons. |
Pharr,
Texas
I
really needed to take poop. I made it clear by shouting. My father
jumped off the seat. "Not right now” he begged. It was our
very first trip together. Father and daughter. I was too little to
tend to my own needs, he was a grown man that barely spoke any
English and we had just crossed the border.
By
the time we got to a Chick-fil-A I'd repressed my poop in for so long
that I no longer felt like I needed to go. My father insisted. He had
made friends with an old lady who offered to take me. She grabbed my
hand and pulled me inside the bathroom. I stood there looking at that
massive white bowl. When I lifted my dress she asked me if I knew how
to wipe. I stared at her eyes, they were glitching almost like
praying for me to have the right answer. With my underwear in my
ankles I told her I didn’t really need to go. She took me to
wash my hands. She was too frail to pick me up to wash them so I
jumped up and down to splatter water into my hands. I returned to my
father while she disappeared into the pick-up orders crowd.
My
father got us chicken sandwiches and we went to the Pep Boys after.
My father’s English was very limited so he picked me up on the
counter and used me as a translator. Everyone thought it was funny or
adorable or something was happening because people gathered around me
while they asked me to say things in English. The attention excited
me so I started counting all the way to 10 just to receive words of
admiration. I recited poems while some eyebrows were lifted. We spent
hours there until we eventually got what my father needed. We ran
some more errands to finally stop at the gas station to get some
snacks and fill the truck.
It
was getting darker so we started making our way back to Mexico. While
we waited in the queue for the border checkpoint, my stomach started
gurgling and something inside of me was demanding to be let out. My
father said I had to wait until we got home but this time the chicken
sandwich was pushing with force. He had to swirl the truck around and
park on the side of the road. He carried and sat me at the edge of a
public bin by the road. It all came out of me with ease. My father
looked me in the eye and worryingly asked me if I had already
mastered how to wipe by myself .
Mc
Allen, Texas
We
were at the mall, my parents were trying to get a pram for my sister.
She was a newborn and I was 2. Everyone in the shop kept admiring
her. My parents didn’t notice I hid inside some leftover boxes
behind the counter. When it was time to leave I just stood up and
walked out gloomy. My parents noticed my mood and we went to Walmart
where they got me a doll with a pram. I was supposed to act like my
mother with my sister but with my doll. When they forced me to try it
out I decided I wasn’t up for it so I cried. I cried loudly. I
was sad but also very hungry.
My
mother walked faster with my sister and left me behind. I was left
there crying with my dad. He started getting very angry at me. His
eyes exhumed anger and I was worried he would punish me so I walked
over towards the mall cop. He immediately asked for my mother and I
said she’d abandoned me there.
The
mall cop called the real cops and they took me to a room. My father
could barely speak English so he was trying to explain himself but
they wouldn’t let him take me. I cried harder because I was
hungrier and now very scared. It took hours until my mother could
confirm they were my parents. The cops let me go with them. I wasn’t
given any dinner, they were too upset at me. I sat hungrily in
silence in the back of the car all the way back to Mexico.
Pharr,
Texas
My
grandmother took me to the gas station to fill the tank. She let me
get the Kebbler peanut butter neon orange crackers and I got an extra
package for my sister. She also bought me a fluffy rabbit keychain
that was dangling next to the counter. I kept that rabbit until I was
18.
Laredo,
Texas
My
father took me and my brother to a record store in which he was told
that he could get all the new music from the world. At the record
store he flicked through the classics he owned: Queen, Abba, Pink
Floyd and Fleetwood Mac. In the CD area he found Soungarden. We drove
back with the windows rolled down making up words to sing along to
their melodies. He made pancakes that Sunday while we listened to
Black Hole Sun.
Austin,
Texas
It
was the longest queue I had ever seen. My brother could not contain
his excitement. He ran around the parking lot pretending to shoot
hoops at an imaginary court. Most boys ran around in circles too,
others compared their shoes, some even had the Chicago Bulls jersey
on. Everyone wanted to get a pair of Jordans. My mother had to run
some errands before it got dark so she left us there in the queue
next to a lady with corn hair sitting on a camping chair. My mother
came back with chicken nuggets and Dr Pepper for both my brother and
I. The sky started to turn a shade darker of blue so we sat in the
parking lot and ate in silence. I felt the cool summer night air
refresh our bodies while we waited. When we got in, my brother’s
size wasn’t available anymore so my mother got him a pair
larger and some thick socks.
Reynosa,
Tamaulipas
My
mother forgot my sister's passport. My father claimed he had a
brilliant idea so he drove us into the city and left me alone at Luis
Eduardo’s home in Reynosa. I sat around the living room for
what felt like hours playing with the cat while their baby cried. My
mother arrived later by herself with a smile on her face and my
passport, which my sister had just used to cross the border. My
mother drove to a bridge I had never seen before. The bridge was
lengthier, the river was closer to the road and many Americans were
swimming ignoring the crocodile signs. I saw a man walking around
with a gun belted around his shorts. I felt very nervous, so I asked
my mom if I could just stay in Mexico but she ignored me. When we got
to the border check I held my breath in while the officer asked my
mother questions. My lungs started to fill and my face felt red. We
crossed the border and I released the air which made me feel dizzy.
We met my father and sister at Red Lobster. My sister was colouring
sea animals with crayons and dipping her fingers in the lobster
sandwich.
McAllen,
Texas
My
grandmother loved Michaels. It all smelled like a crusty bouquet of
brown mouldy roses. They never had music playing. It was silent. My
grandmother was never crafty, she never knitted or baked anything.
Whenever her shoes looked like needing mending she would toss them
away and get a new pair. I walked around mindlessly through the
corridors. I reached the payphone outside and called Pamela on her US
landline as it was the only American number I had memorised. She
said I was off by 10 days for her birthday. I ran out of pennies
before I could make up a story. I was ushered inside by an old lady
carrying crafts. My grandmother bought a box filled with fake green
vines. I asked her about them and she sneered at me. We didn’t
get any snacks on the way back. We drove in silence to Mexico while I
snoozed with my face stuck to the window.
Brownsville,
Texas
I
waited standing with Reese's buttercups directly in my eye sight
while my mother hunted for school supplies on sale. We couldn’t
afford the Lisa Frank collection so I sat there in silence containing
my tears. My father took me and my brother to Spencer’s. He
bought us fake chocolate cigarettes and taught us how to use them.
When we got home he asked me to wait until my mother was washing the
dishes to stand near the kitchen window and put the cigarette in my
mouth. My mother didn’t find it amusing or entertaining.
Nonetheless we all laughed and my father gave me two more to take
them to school. I didn’t get to play the cigarette stunt there
because I was hungry and ate one before I could and I sold the other
one to Aaron who offered me good money for it.
South
Padre Island, Texas
I
forgot my border crossing card. I lied “American Citizen”
at the border check and we crossed the border.
Ciudad
Victoria, Tamaulipas
My
father got a new antenna thing he bought in McAllen. He said that now
we will be able to watch cable television. He spent the entire day
roaming around on the roof with cables. Around seven he called us in,
we all gathered around the television. He turned it on and
nickelodeon came on. Kenan and Kell were speaking in English. In the
midst of our disappointment he said we couldn’t afford the
Mexican cable but that with his solution we would learn English. That
weekend I watched “Are you afraid of the dark?” for the
first time ever.
Houston,
Texas
The
stadium was full. It smelled like popcorn and hotdogs. When I sat
down my legs dangled in the air. My American cousins were taller and
larger, my mother told me it’s because their food has hormones
so when she got me a hot dog I felt nauseous. My father didn’t
go, he couldn’t be bothered with baseball. He likes boxing and
racing cars. The stadium felt larger when people were chanting.
Everyone seemed to understand the game but me. My siblings appeared
happy and attentive. My mom offered me something else to eat but I
refused, I just wanted to sleep. So I laid on her lap and she covered
me with a t- shirt and when I woke up I was somehow at my uncle’s
home. The next day we went trick or treating around the same block
because in Houston none really walks.
McAllen,
Texas
My
grandmother took me shopping. While she was choosing hers I grabbed a
shiny red pair and replaced them with my old black shoes. The red
ones were tighter but shinier. She noticed until we were walking out
of the shop and the clack clack clack from my shiny red shoes made
her look down. She was deeply embarrassed that she couldn’t
dare to walk back in. When we got home my mother was furious that I
had stolen and lost my good pair of shoes to shiny red ones that were
a size too small.
Soto
la Marina, Tamaulipas
My
grandfather gave my cousin 10 dollars for diving and retrieving
oysters. I sat on the dock and watched him dive like a dog. My
grandfather offered me 5 dollars for carrying the bucket filled with
oysters. I struggled all the way back while he laughed at me. But I
was 5 dollars richer. My grandfather opened the oysters with a Swiss
Army knife. They were slimy and salty so he offered me a sip of
Budweiser to swallow them. That night I was sick all night. My mother
was not impressed by my grandfather offering me alcohol and raw
oysters.
Brownsville,
Texas
My
grandmother took both me and my sister to come along with her for her
errands in Texas. We were at JCPenney for what seemed to be an
eternity. We got bored so we started playing hide and seek. I told my
sister we could hide from grandma too so she slid inside a wooden
chest in the shop and I went right in the middle of a pile of
clothes. It took my grandmother half an hour to notice we were not
there. She started screaming angrily so we got scared and remained in
our hiding places. Her anger turned into fear and that’s when
my sister decided to come out. My grandmother furiously slapped her
in the face. I was scared of a similar reprimand so I stayed hidden.
I watched my grandmother drag my sister by the arm while she howled,
calling my name. It was until the shop clerk calmed her down and she
sat that I decided it was time to come to her. On the way back to
Mexico she ignored us. She never took us together to Texas.
Ciudad
Victoria, Tamaulipas
A
terrorist attack happened in New York. Our teacher turned on the
television in our class. We didn’t really acknowledge what
terrorism meant. I watched the second tower collapse and I didn’t
understand that the dark dots in the television were people. It was
not later until I got home that my brother explained it to me. The
next day the border got a temporary physical fence. Later we learned
that we had to get border crossing cards. The fence turned to a wall.
Tampico,
Tamaulipas
For
Easter break we didn’t go to Texas, my father drove south
instead. We were meant to go all the way to Veracruz but the narcos
had some roads blocked so we settled for Tampico. I fed some racoons
by the dock. I was happy to see my mother relaxed by the beach,
sunbathing on a towel and drinking a Tecate. My sister and I shared a
beach bed while we fought for space. My brother threw sand at us and
my skin hurt. I was sunburnt so I hid from the sun the rest of the
day. For dinner my father got us crabs.
Laredo,
Texas
Only
mine and my father’s border crossing card got home on time. My
father drove me to the record store. He said I could get a CD. I
picked an album with a beautiful girl smiling at the camera, wearing
a denim skirt and a red buttoned shirt. Her songs felt like summer. A
couple of months later the same beautiful girl was singing on MTV. I
was the first in my class to get Britney Spears’s first album.
Ciudad
Victoria, Tamaulipas
A
hurricane was set to hit the whole state. Everyone at school said the
aliens will look out for us. I saw some people wearing alien costumes
on the way home. My father tapped all of the windows. I spent hours
chasing the cat to get it inside. The dogs were happy to be inside
sniffing around the kitchen. We all slept in one room while the wind
slammed against our house. My sister and I shared a sleeping bag and
we both giggled at our father’s tales. My brother spent the
whole night reading a book about a wizard boy my auntie got him in
Brownsville. The hurricane felt like a holiday.
Dallas,
Texas
We
had to share a room with Bianca and her weird sister. My mother said
I had to be nice to her. But Bianca was the most disliked girl in
school. She came from a girls-only catholic school, wore pristine
white clothes, made judgements out loud and spoke with her lips
almost closed. Bianca’s parents were avid catholics and held
free couple’s support groups. My parents were struggling then.
They invited me and my sister to spend the summer in Dallas to give
my parents some space.
That
night we learned that Bianca often wakes up in the middle of the
night. She did it with her eyes open and then started to talk
gibberish. On Sunday we were taken to church. The service was in
English so I pretended I didn't understand it to be left alone for an
hour. Bianca’s mother said I would still be able to feel God in
either language. Her father was onto me. My sister wasn’t an
avid liar so she sat there listening to a priest preach about family,
Dallas and hell. I explored outside and ate gummy bears while I
waited for them. When they came out Bianca’s father muttered
that liars go to hell. Bianca repeated that “liars go to hell”
while she was sleep-walking that night. It was a long summer.
Matamoros,
Tamaulipas
Adriana’s
American cousin Ale was old enough to drive across the border. We
were staying in Brownsville that week. Ale drove us to Matamoros. She
said there was a “ladies night” and explained that it
meant we could get all the drinks we wanted for free. I had no idea
what to order so I got something with juice. Adriana was boy crazy so
she sipped her drink trying to find a boy to talk to. The bar was
packed with Texan cowboys and Tamaulipecos wearing cow prints.
I
wasn’t interested in chasing boys so I walked to the bar by
myself to get another drink. I pushed through the groups of underaged
American girls trying to get a free drink. I reached the bar when the
loud echoed bangs silenced the music. I jumped behind the bar and
crouched with the bartender. He covered my ears while silent warm
tears came down my cheeks. I heard loud bangs again, this time
followed by horrified screams and howls. The bartender crawled to a
small door behind us and he gestured to me to follow. I dragged
myself between pieces of glass and sticky floors. When we reached
behind the bar I stood up and saw a big black Cadillac SUV with
american plates racing towards the bar. We jumped to the trash and
kneeled. Bangs again, more screaming and people running like headless
chickens around the parking lot. When the Cadillac left and the
screams settled, I looked for Adriana and Ale. When I found them I
saw that Ale had peed on herself. We didn’t talk about it, we
got in her car silently and drove back to Texas.
South
Padre Island, Texas
Monica’s
parents were too relaxed and their beach house fit 8 teenage girls.
They didn’t get upset when she got some American boys to bring
her bud lights to drink by the beach. Me and Adriana didn’t
like beer so we walked to the seven eleven. We covered our bodies
with large t-shirts and towels turned to skirts. The American girls
walked in bikinis. I was too skinny and young so I wore a full
swimsuit. I grabbed a bag of Doritos and a package of pads. It was
the second time I had my period so tampons were out of the question.
My
dad had given me 25 dollars to spend on that holiday. Monica and the
other girls spend hundreds the first day at the mall. I pretended I
forgot my wallet and I didn’t get anything. When I reached the
counter I counted 14 dollars left in my hello kitty coin purse. There
was a boy behind the counter and I embarrassingly shoved my pads and
Doritos to pay. He smiled at me and I looked at the floor. I spent
the rest of the week with cramps avoiding boys.
McAllen,
Texas
I
forgot my border crossing card. I stayed in Mexico that day.
Ciudad
Victoria, Tamaulipas
My
grandmother died and my grandfather inherited her will which brought
a whole set of money related problems to that side of the family. I
wrote her a letter but I didn’t send it.
Ciudad
Victoria, Tamaulipas
They
opened a Mcdonald's here. We all queued there. I saw people from
school. I got chicken nuggets and my father a chicken sandwich. He
said that with NAFTA we will get some American stores here. He
mentioned a Home Depot and I wondered if we would get a Michael’s.
We have a record store where he gets his music now. Nobody casually
drives to Texas anymore. Rules and attitudes have changed.
Marcela
was born and raised in the north east of Mexico. She is a social
scientist and holds a degree from University College London. She is a
writer based in Mexico City. She loves writing essays, creative
nonfiction and fiction.
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