It
came packaged in my DNA direct from my dad, who I incidentally look
like, this dogged propensity to go to the mats to right wrongs. After
years of being the family bulldog, I’ve decided that I will
first try humor as in the old adage, “you catch more flies with
honey than vinegar.”
My
first attempt at the new me was September 2019. Official notification
came in the mail that contended we’d parked in a no-parking
zone on Hancock Street in Quincy, Massachusetts on August 16 in the
afternoon. In addition, they claimed we ignored the first ticket
they’d sent. So, we were facing an additional fine for
delinquent payment and possible cancellation of our vehicle
registration and driver’s license if we did not pay. I asked
Bill if he’d been in Quincy. He shook his head and asked me if
I had been. Never. We were puzzled and looked closely at the copy of
the information by the police on the report.
Their
scribbled information had our make, model, color and license plate
correct, except for one key thing- we’d never been in Quincy!
AND, we had never received the first supposed ticket in the mail. It
was a bonafide mystery.
I
fussed and fumed, looked online and discovered parking was a mess in
Quincy, so much so that they contracted out to a company in
Tarrytown, New York to handle their fines because they were inundated
with collecting fines. My husband just smiled with the assurance that
this dog wasn’t going to let go of the bone and moved about his
day.
Despite
not being able to get through the city call system to someone, I took
to writing and by the next morning, emails detailing the problem
along with this ditty greeted four city officials of the City of
Quincy, including the mayor.
Dear
Parking Ticket Folks of Quincy, MA,
‘ Twas
a day in September when
it came to our house- A
ticket for parking that
declared us a louse for
not promptly paying a
supposed parking fine. I
could not believe it, this
ticket’s not mine! In
25 years of living in Mass we’ve
never been in Quincy, not
present nor past. This
letter said we parked on
old Hancock Street… But,
we assure you we haven’t yet
managed the feat of
being two places at
the very same time. We
were in our own home At
the time of the crime! This
whole kerfuffle was
a huge surprise as
any sane person could
aptly surmise! The
paper had the info which
had it all right, except
for one thing- the
crux of our plight. We
were never there, despite
what twas written. Instead,
in our drive our
car twas sittin’! And
so you see, This
is just a mistake. The
fine is unfair, the
charge, just a fake. We
cannot explain what
happened that day. We
promise you this- We
were far far away. And
so to whom it may concern. please
take our ticket And
in justice, overturn
I
admit, I was a bit disappointed that nobody responded back directly
to my Seuss-like humor, but, the next day we got notification that
they’d made an error and our fines were dropped. HUMOR WINS!!
Life
is full of those unexpected inconveniences and frustrations
because…well….it’s life! Two months ago, my
husband’s beloved power recliner once more stopped working. Its leg
rest remained stuck up in the air. He fussed and fumed as he
clambered awkwardly out of the bowels of his chair while I dug out
the warranty paperwork. “Not again!”
Well-versed
in the delays of this warranty company, I called them that afternoon,
hoping we would see them before the following week. “Sure,
we’ll send out a technician as soon as we can.”
I
knew what that meant….. wait for them to come then wait for
the part to arrive then wait some more for them to return to install
it. But Bill was in the throes of football season and despite the
fact the Patriots were dismal, he was just as devoted to watching
every game on TV and the chair was an integral part of his football
ritual. This once more called for persistence laced with humor!!!
Don
McLean provided the inspiration and Jordan’s Furniture
corporate office was blitzed with my parody by email the next
morning.
Wasn’t
so many years ago I
can still remember how that recliner used to make him smile If
I’d known there was any chance That
this chair was a bad romance I’d
ignore its leather and its style But
my husband was all aquiver with
dreams of its promised deliver Bad
news in its innards This
chair ain’t no winner Annoyed
but we didn’t cry Warranties
were on our side Oh,
the headaches it did provide The
day, the recliner died
So
bye bye power leather chair
Watching games who’s to blame,
our legs get stuck in the air? It’s
a shame so we complain that it’s just not fair Singing’,
“ This was such a bad buy…… This
chair was such a bad buy
Did
you sell us a lemon chair when
you should have told us to “beware- this
recliner just won’t last!” Now
do you believe in integrity Boy,
this chair was far from free
When we consider it,
we’re aghast
Well
GBS thinks we’re in love with them (GBS is the warranty
company)
‘Cause
we have to call again and again Five
times they got the news We
got dead recliner blues! We
would just like to put up our feet And
hunker down in our leather seat But
all we have now is defeat The
day, our recliner died
So
I am singin’ bye bye power leather chair Watching
games who’s to blame, our legs get stuck in the air? What
a shame so we complain that it’s just not fair Singing’,
“ It was such a bad buy…… This
chair was such a bad buy!”
Now
for three years we’ve been stuck with this The
mechanics are merely hit or miss But
that’s not how it should be When
I sit down in our leather chair I’m
never sure that I won’t stay there
‘Til
someone comes to set me free Oh
while my husband was sitting down the
gremlins worked without a sound The
footrest would not lower His
face began to glower And
we ‘ve been through this so many times to
the point of making silly rhymes of
this chair craziness sublime The
day the recliner died.
So
we’re singing’ bye bye power leather chair Watchin’
games, who’s to blame our legs get stuck in the air? It’s
a shame so we complain that it’s just not fair Singing’
This chair was such a bad buy… This
chair was such a bad buy!”
Click
and stick in every single season The
chair gets stuck without a reason Patience
stretched and falling fast It
lands stuck in a single place I
try getting’ up with style and grace Once
again it’s a service case
Now
it broke on Sunday afternoon And
it won’t get fixed up very soon My
husband took a glance just
in case there was a chance but
the only thing his looking revealed is
that its fate is surely sealed And
the mechanism just won’t yield The
day, the recliner died
Once
more we’re singing bye bye power leather chair
watchin’
games who’s to blame, our legs get stuck in the air? What
a shame we complain and it’s just not fair singin’
“This chair was such a bad buy….this chair was
such a bad buy!”
The
next afternoon after I got home from school, the phone rang. I
picked it up to hear a man’s voice asking if he could please
speak with Linda. “I’m Linda.”
He
let out a guffaw saying, “That was the best complaint letter I
ever saw!” “ I was singing it out loud to myself over and
over. If you ever want a job working with customer
service, just call me.”
He
promised he would contact the service provider directly and have them
out within a day or two with all the parts in hand so we would avoid
a wait. Roy was as good as his word and two days later, Bill was
happily lounging in his working recliner. Humor won again!
In
appreciation for him being true to his word, I let Elton John speak
through me and wrote a parody for Roy.
THE
SWITCH IS BACK
I
was justified when I made the call
Tellin’ Roy, it don’t
work at all
Time and time the chair just laid flat
He stepped
up to the plate and went to bat
Repairman
came and that’s alright
He fixed it up- made the wires
tight
I can sit on the leather chair once more
But we’ve
been through this too many times before
(Ooh-ooh-ooh) It’s
the switch, it’s a switch, oh the switch is back
Workin’
once more as a matter of fact
Oh that switch, oh the switch what’s
it gonna do?
For now it will move, maybe things will improve oh
oh oh
I’m
skeptical you cannot blame The
problem always seems to be the same
I don’t like sayin’,
what’ll happen next?
The chair works fine for NOW that the
switch is back!
(Oh-oh-oh) It’s
the switch, it’s a switch oh the switch is back
Workin’
once more as a matter of fact
Oh that switch, oh the switch what’s
it gonna do?
For now it will move, maybe things will improve oh
oh oh
It’s
the switch, it’s a switch oh the switch is back
Workin’
once more as a matter of fact
Oh that switch oh the switch what’s
it gonna do?
For now it will move, maybe things will improve oh
oh oh
The
switch, the switch, the switch is back The
switch, the switch, the switch is back The
switch, the switch, the switch is back The
switch, the switch, the switch is back……
I
like this new me that tries to find humor in petty annoyances. I
like the idea of making someone chuckle. Yeah, sure, there are going
to be those times we have to tackle something truly wrong
head-on….like a recent private message I sent to someone I
didn’t know who’d posted sarcastic responses on a local
town Face Book community page to a young man with autism who I did
know. The guy didn’t know he was being publicly cruel to young
man on the spectrum who was simply being himself in prevaricating
publically about a topic. When I told this forty-something year old
man as kindly as I could that he should be aware that there are many
people on the spectrum who post things that seem odd but are very
much in character and signed it “Mama Bear”, the guy
backed down. He removed his posts and apologized, telling me he would
“never make fun of a special needs person knowingly.” But, the thought
crossed my mind, why do we make fun of people at
all, why not use kind humor and encourage one another? Do we need to
fight all the fights we think we do? Do I need to?
So,
while I have had fun, I have been looking for a way to intentionally
reintroduce civility into my own life while addressing even the most
annoying real life issues. Forty years ago, my wise older friend
Jane told me that best advice that I am finally getting around to try
to put into practice, “You catch more flies with honey than
vinegar.” I’m trying to hold onto that. Honey tastes
better on the tongue anyway!
