Wither Faith?
Lawrence Pratt
©
Copyright 2020 by Lawrence Pratt
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“Yes,
that’s correct, please remove our names from the parish rolls,”
Laura Dean said to the woman on the other end of a conversation that
marked the end of a decade-long search for a faith that she hoped
would bring her family to the embrace of a single, true god. “Thank
you for your time,” she concluded with a tone of resignation,
sadness, and fatigue.
For
the next few minutes, Laura starred at the willow tree in the back
yard as it shifted in the light breeze, so lost in thought that she
wouldn’t have noticed if the white and green entity were to
completely vanish from view.
So,
she reflected, this
is
how faith is lost. Not by failing to embrace religion, but by
embracing truth rooted in facts. Truth could be so cold and empty but
attempting to smother reality by accepting what were lies was worse.
In any case, we will prevail,
she mused, her thoughts drifting back over the years.
*****
Ah,
we were oh-so ripe for the picking,
Laura thought as she replayed the highlights of her family’s
spiritual quest.
It
started when her husband, Ted, was given a three-year military
assignment to Europe, far from home and extended family. The couple’s
emotional and social vulnerability was heightened when, after just a
few months overseas, their daughter was diagnosed with juvenile
rheumatoid arthritis. The future was not bright.
As
time permitted, Laura volunteered at the nearby military school where
she was able to use her English degree working as a tutor and
assistant librarian. Here she struck up a friendship with Mitch and
Carol Bradley, both teachers at the school. They were members of a
church with which the Deans were superficially familiar and the
Bradleys began what the Deans later learned was a “soft sales
pitch” for their faith.
“So,”
Carol asked one day, “are you and Ted active in any of the base
chapel programs?”
“Not
really,” Laura replied, “we’re what I call low-key
Catholic. You might say we attend weekly Mass on a weakly basis,”
she remarked with a slight grin. “The truth of the matter is,
with our daughter’s medical condition, the Catholic community
is not meeting our spiritual or emotional needs, especially with our
being far from home.”
“Well,
we’re very happy with the community of faith that our church
offers,” Carol replied. “Let me know if you’re
interested in looking into any alternatives to what you have now.”
Oh,
how I failed to realize the quiet guile of that moment,
Laura thought, her mind running over time like a long forgotten
movie.
Within
days, Laura and Ted began conversion lessons regarding this new
faith. One of the community’s tenets was the concept of “health
blessings” intended to aid the afflicted in healing and dealing
with chronic illness. While the couple knew such a concept was not
confined to any one faith, it was not a major building block of
Catholicism,
and they quickly focused on what could be offered to their daughter.
Another
major concept of the new faith was belief in the “eternal
family” which was a major step up from what other Christian
faiths offered regarding reconnection with loved ones after death.
The eternal family was ensured by a ceremony referred to as
“joining”.
Fast
forward two months and the Deans were baptized as adult converts into
their newly found faith. While placing more expectations —
particularly regarding time and money — on its members than
Catholicism, there was nothing that they considered to be “bizarre”
about their recent spiritual embrace.
Little
did the couple know what the future held.
*****
Reflecting
back over the years,
Laura thought, the phrase
“there’s a sucker born every minute” was
made with the Deans in mind.
*****
As
time passed, the Deans became entrenched in the community of the
faith, for the most part getting as much as they gave. After eighteen
months of membership, the family was “joined for time and
eternity” as a unit that would endure forever.
At
least, that’s what was promised and that promise didn’t
come without a price in real demands on the family.
“Have
we written the monthly tithing check, yet?” Laura asked one
Saturday, knowing the ten percent payment was due at the next day’s
service.
“Got
it covered,” Ted replied, the both of them knowing that, order
to have full privileges in the church — including continuation
of their eternal marriage — the faith demanded a consistent ten
percent tithe of pre-tax income.
“Am
I being a bit calloused resenting having to pay this much for full
church membership?” Laura asked, revealing some emerging cracks
in the foundation of her faith.
“Nope,”
Ted responded. “But, if ya don’t pays your dues, ya don’t
get into the clubhouse,” he added with a bit of a dark chuckle.
“At least the clubhouse dues are tax deductible.”
“So,”
Laura remarked, “after all these years as members of two
faiths, I’m not the only one who wonders how corporate religion
qualifies as a tax-exempt charity.”
“I’m
right with you,” Ted replied, confirming that his concerns
paralleled those of his spouse.
*****
The
major shortcoming of the faith for the couple was the continuing
failure of numerous health blessings to achieve anything close to
what they had been led to expect regarding their daughter’s
health. When they questioned the blessings’ ineffectiveness,
the Deans were told to develop more commitment to the church.
“You
must have more faith and give more to the church,” their
congregation leader admonished.
We’re
giving as much as we possibly can,
was the Dean’s repeated response.
What
could we possibly add to the process,
the couple began to ask one another.
More
but increasingly persistent cracks began to expand in the foundation
of their faith.
*****
A
bit more than half way into their overseas tour, Ted developed a
job-related back condition that became more intense with the passage
of several months. The result was over a year’s worth of
medical treatments, a major surgery, three relocations, and a
completely new military specialty assignment.
Throughout
this time, they continued to give what we could to the faith and
received support from congregation members wherever we went. Needless
to say, the issue of health blessings again came forth and, for both
their daughter and Ted, continued to prove to be completely
ineffective.
The
couple finally settled into an assignment in Idaho and, as they were
now back in the states, while Ted served out his military obligation
Laura was able to land a part-time but paying position in the local
county library.
With
this more stable arrangement for the Dean family, the couple was able
to critically focus on limitations of the faith, particularly when it
came to health blessings. Soon, this limitation of the faith had been
accepted and, in response, the couple began to set boundaries on what
they would give to the community.
The
issue finally came out in the open during one of the couple’s
dinner conversations.
“It
seems,” Laura remarked, “that with the failure of health
blessings, we’ve reached a point where we don’t buy into
everything the church wants us to believe in and espouse to others.”
“Yeah,”
Ted replied, “sounds like we’re going to have to start
‘cherry picking’ what to believe and participate in based
on what works for us and rejects what doesn’t.”
“Kind
of ‘buffet believers’,” Laura said with a short
snort. “A little of this, none of that, and some of the other.”
“Pretty
much,” Ted concluded. “Makes me wonder if we’ll
ever hit the point where it will all be ‘none of any’.”
The
seed of permanently abandoning the faith was sown. Not a viable
long-term position in a community that expected unwavering acceptance
of doctrine and authority.
*****
It
was during this time that the Deans became increasingly aware of how
authoritarian, paternalistic, and controlling the faith could be. As
former Catholics, the couple had little issue in accepting male
leadership but began to encounter situations that ran to the extreme.
Shortly
after their arrival in Idaho, the Deans were involved in an incident
that indicated cult-like tendencies in their adopted faith.
*****
Shortly
after dinner one evening, the phone rang and was answered by Laura.
“Dean
residence,” she said.
“Laura,
this is Craig Bowers. Is Ted available?” Bowers was the
congregation leader.
“Sure,
Craig, let me get him.”
A
moment later, Ted was talking to Craig.
“Good
evening, Craig,” Ted said, “what’s up?”
“We’re
looking to have Laura take on duties in the elementary Sunday school
program,” Craig replied, “and are need your permission to
let her take on this responsibility.”
“I
don’t understand,” Ted said, “you were just talking
to her and could have asked her directly.”
“I’m
guessing this is your first experience regarding such as request for
a wife to do work within the congregation,” Bowers continued.
“Yes,
that’s right,” Ted answered, still a bit confused and
catching Laura’s attention to join him so he could put the
phone on speaker.
“Okay,”
Bowers went on, “in the church, wives can serve in positions
only after the congregation leader has received permission from the
husband to allow her to do so.”
“I
don’t think so!” Laura interjected, a bit surprised at
her own defiance. Perhaps the demands and shortcomings of the faith
were beginning to take their toll.
“Oh,
I didn’t realize Laura was listening in,” Bowers said
with an acidic tone.
Over
the next few minutes, the Deans were lectured on “how things
were done” in the faith and about their duty to get in line.
“I’m
going to withdraw Laura’s name from consideration for the
Sunday school position and perhaps we can visit such a matter at a
later time,” Craig concluded. “Good evening.”
Over
the next few days, the Deans did a bit of independent research
regarding gender roles in the faith. Essentially, the system was
patriarchal on steroids with positions of authority held by or
accountable to some level of male authority.
Under the best of circumstances, it was an institution of soft-sell
misogyny. There were
no “Mr. Moms” in the church and any couple who assumed
such a reversal of gender rules was denied full community acceptance,
including denial of being joined as an eternal family.
“Well,”
Laura commented during a bit of pillow-talk one evening, “the
past few days have been a bit of a learning experience.”
“You
are the master of the understated,” Ted replied with a short
laugh.
“I
think that’s the first time I’ve ever been subjected to
hard-core
authoritarian, misogynistic, man speak.”
“Me
too,” Ted chimed in, breaking out in a full laugh. “I
think you really shocked Craig with your intense pushback the other
night.”
“Is
it really funny?” Laura asked with a bit of irritation in her
voice.
“Only
in how ridiculous it all is” Ted answered. “No one in
this church has any more authority over us than we let them have. For
my two cents, I’d like to vote that we stop tithing for a bit
and see what happens.”
“Good
point on the authority and great idea on the tithing,” Laura
said. “It’s not like we’ve been reaping a lot of
benefits. We can still be decent people and good Christians without
helping fill the coffers of folks who’d like to micromanage us
like we’re two-year olds.”
*****
Things
seemed to run along quietly and low-key for the Deans within the
congregation over the next couple of months. Then, one Sunday, they
were called into Craig Bowers’ office. Once everyone was
seated, Bowers began.
“It’s
been noticed that you haven’t been paying your tithing for the
past couple of months,” he said. “May I ask why?”
Ah,
Laura thought, the
dollars need to keep flowing to keep the authorities in power.
“The
fact of the matter is,” she replied, surprising Bowers by
taking the lead in responding, “we were pretty offended by the
treatment we received in our last conversation regarding the Sunday
school position.”
She
paused for effect and to see what Ted might offer up.
“Laura’s
spot on, Craig,” Ted added, continuing the couple’s line
of thought. “The church’s decision-making process is more
top-down and patriarchal than we’re comfortable with. Plus,
it’s not something that’s going to help the church
recruit converts in the future.”
“The
two of you have some valid points,” Craig responded, “but
change in established institutions comes slowly. That said, I’d
like to ask both of you to consider a way of maybe getting a ‘reset’
in place.”
“We’re
listening,” Laura replied, not vocalizing her growing opinion
that the church was more of an entrenched institution than an
established one.
“There’s
an area-wide youth talent competition in the works,” Bowers
continued “and we’d like to invite Laura to assist other
women from area congregations in pulling off what’s going to be
a major organizational and logistics effort. It’s pretty
big-time as the three top finishers will be awarded college
scholarships to be held in trust until graduation from high school.”
“I’ll
do it,” Laura replied without a moment’s hesitation.
She
turned to Ted and saw he had a look on his face that told her he was
taking great satisfaction in seeing his wife make Bowers more than a
bit uncomfortable with her directness.
Laura
Dean had drawn her line in the sand.
“Well,”
Craig said, “I guess that settles it. Laura, you’ll be
contacted in a few days about getting on board with the committee
that’s being formed. Oh, before I forget, might the
congregation treasurer expect a tithing check soon?”
“We’ll
be getting a partial catch-up check to him shortly then see how
things go in the coming weeks,” Ted replied.
Bowers
nodded with a look of disappointment on his face as the Deans rose
and left his office.
*****
Later
in the week, Laura found herself gathering with other church women
from various congregations to move forward on the talent competition.
Before the group began their work, an unexpected visitor, Thomas
Sterling, the church’s regional leader, arrived and indicated
he wanted to address the group.
Who
was going to say ‘no’ to such an auspicious person?
“Ladies,”
he began as Laura developed a feeling that the next few minutes would
not end well, “on behalf of everyone in all the area
congregations, I’d like to thank you for your efforts in
support of the competition. However, I’ve determined that a
couple of proposed performances are too controversial for our faith
and need to be deleted from competition. First is a so-called magic
presentation. As we all know, magic is a tool of Satan and cannot be
tolerated within the confines of church activities. Similarly, a
proposed rendition of the song ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’ is
to be deleted due to its support of the drug culture.”
“You’re
wrong on both counts,” came the strong, sure voice of Laura
Dean.
The
ensuing seconds of silence at Dean’s unexpected comment seemed
to linger for minutes.
“Who,”
Sterling asked, “are you and by what authority do you
contradict me?” his tone making it clear he was not used to
being questioned, especially by a woman.
“I’m
Laura Dean,” she replied, “and my authority to question
you comes from the fact that you have no more authority over me than
I give you and right now, that’s damned little.” The
women in the group gasped at Laura’s profanity, particularly
since it was directed at a church authority in a public setting.
“Your attitudes on magic and the song in question are based in
ignorance and backward, provincial thinking. Your dictate on these
matters should be ignored by this committee.”
Again,
there was a silence so thick it could have been cut with a knife.
“Ah,
Laura Dean,” Sterling said, maintaining his composure in face
of this challenge. “The uppity one. I’ve heard of you.
Consider yourself relieved of membership on this committee and expect
to be contacted by your congregation leader very soon.”
Sterling
departed and the committee was left to its work which first consisted
of all its members turning their back on Laura in a clear act of
shunning.
Enraged
but, after their recent interactions with Craig Bowers, not
completely surprised about what had just transpired, Laura made her
way home where she waited for Ted to come home from work.
*****
Over
dinner, Laura related the short, but highly intense, incident with
Sterling.
“Sounds
like we’re looking at some serious dealings with the church
over the next few days,” Ted remarked.
“Don’t
you mean ‘me’?” Laura asked.
“Oh,
no,” Ted replied, “why should you get all the fun in
dealing with what will likely be our last days of membership. What
you endured from the other women was nothing less that a clear case
of shunning. I don’t think we should be part of any
organization that condones such behavior. Very cultish and something
we should get away from as soon as possible.”
“Thanks,”
Laura said with a small smile. “The past months with the faith
have been like sitting through a bad movie that you hope will get
better but never does.”
At
that moment, the doorbell rang and Ted rose to answer. He returned
holding a legal envelope.
“I’m
guessing that’s not a winner’s check from some publishing
contest,” Laura quipped.
“No,
it was dropped off by the congregation clerk who just said ‘This
is for you’ and left. It’s addressed to you, so I’ll
let you do the honors,” Ted remarked, handing the envelope to
Laura.
Opening
it, she read aloud:
In
view of today’s incident with Thomas Sterling, your presence is
expected at a church hearing tomorrow at 7:00PM to assess your
fitness for continued membership in the faith.
Respectfully,
Craig
Bowers
“Sounds
like I’m about to be kicked to the curb,” Laura said with
mixed emotions in her voice.
“Lucky
lady,” Ted remarked trying to lighten the mood. “Let’s
call Craig after dinner and just finish all this over the phone.
Being dragged in front of a hearing to be abused just isn’t
going to happen.”
Laura
nodded in agreement, tears of disappointment, frustration, and anger
welling in her eyes.
“We
just wanted the best for our family,” she said in exhaustion.
“Unfortunately,
the church wants what’s best for the church. Its supposed
devotion to family is just a smoke screen,” Ted concluded.
*****
An
hour later, after the Deans had gathered their thoughts and brought
their emotions in check, they called Craig Bowers.
“With
Laura’s hearing scheduled for tomorrow,” Bowers began,
“there’s no need for this call. In fact, the church
considers it quite inappropriate.”
“Well,
as you well know, the church seems to consider me to be very
inappropriate,” Laura snapped back. Yeah,
she reflected, this
is definitely the end of the line with this supposed faith.
“What
do you — and I mean both of you — want from me?”
Bowers asked with more than a bit of exasperation in his voice. It
was clear the Deans meant to leave the church and he now just wanted
to reduce his personal headaches in the matter.
“We’ve
discussed the matter at length and we’d like our names and
those of our children removed from the church records,” Ted
replied.
There
was a long pause before Bowers spoke.
“I
can arrange for that to happen and to cancel the hearing as well. Be
aware that you will be considered to be ‘voluntarily
excommunicated apostates’, your eternal joining will be
nullified, and you will be shunned at every turn by church members
wherever you go.”
“We
can handle that,” Laura retorted.
“Then
I guess we’re done here,” Craig concluded. “My
personal best wishes to you in all your future endeavors.”
#
In
the days and weeks that followed, the Deans adjusted to their new
reality. People who had been their friends ignored them and children
from church families were no longer permitted to play with the Dean
youngsters.
Fortunately,
virtually none of Ted’s coworkers were church members and the
couple quickly established a new social network. A year after leaving
the church, Ted separated from the military and took a job as an
airport manager at a small city in northern California close to
family on both sides. Laura again found part time work at a library
which left her plenty of time to spend with the couple’s now
two daughters. Fate had been kind and the older child had moved into
full remission from her illness. Unlike several years ago, the
family’s future seemed quite bright.
As
the Deans settled into their new life, one evening, Laura approached
Ted with an unexpected question.
“Ted,”
she began, “what would you think about returning to the
Catholic church?”
His
eyebrows rose in surprise.
“Maybe
not full immersion right away,” she continued. “Baby
steps, actually. Especially after that last disaster.
“So,
weakly attending weekly Mass?” he remarked with a grin.
Laura
nodded with a laugh.
“Consider
me to be your willing plus-one,” he said.
#
Over
the next couple of years, the Deans were reasonably active in their
parish, attending services on a fairly regularly basis, taking part
in charity work, and adding to their social network of friends and
acquaintances.
Then
the scandal about the long-enduring sexual abuse of children and
associated cover-up by Catholic clergy became public and grew into a
worldwide tumor on the faith. The church was shaken to its core.
After
several weeks of following media coverage of the scandal, things came
to a head for the Deans.
#
“So,”
Ted asked as the couple cleared the dinner dishes, “what’s
your take on all that’s going on with the church?”
“Very
much wondering what we’re doing with continued membership,”
Laura replied without hesitation. “Despite the church’s
attempt to soft-sell the media exposure as isolated cases of ‘abuse’
back east, those priests and higher-ups were doing nothing less than
committing the most horrific levels of child abuse. Short of outright
murder, it’s the most heinous betrayal one person can
perpetuate upon another. Then there’s the cover-up and
complicity at the highest levels. It sickens me to my core and I
believe the Catholic church should be driven into the ground and
eradicated from the planet. I want out.”
Given
his wife’s strength of character, her feelings on the matter
didn’t surprise him.
“Maybe
it’s time to cut all ties with religion,” he said.
“Sounds
like you’ve been reading my mind,” Laura continued. “I’m
all but life-and-death certain that what’s been exposed is
going to be just the tip of the iceberg and what’s happened
isn’t limited to one small geographic area.
“I’ve
been doing a lot of research over the past few days and the
only logical conclusion is all faiths are nothing more than
self-serving and dishonest corporations. There’s just no
reliable and verifiable information to logically and rationally
conclude that a deity of any sort exists or has ever existed.
“The
human species has simply allowed itself to be taken in by a massive
‘god fraud’ perpetuated by those who gain much at the
expense of the few.
“I’m
done,” she concluded.
Ted
took a few moments to process the intensity and finality of Laura’s
comments.
“I
can’t fault your logic,” he replied.
“Am
I hearing a ‘but’ about to be added?” she
questioned.
“No,”
he answered, “just thinking about overcoming a lifetime of
‘go-along, get-along’ inertia. I think friends and family
won’t question our dropping out of religious activity, but
we’ll likely have to tread lightly when it comes to being open
about our atheism.”
“Atheism?”
Laura repeated.
“It’s
the only practical answer to leaving religion behind,” he
continued.
“Well,”
Laura said, “in my research, I did come across concepts
associated with humanism and there are several organized groups in
our area.”
“That
might be our next best stop,” Ted agreed.
“Yes,
but first I want to call the parish office and get our family off the
church membership rolls.”
“I’m
guessing that’ll be easier than our last fiasco,” he said
with a short laugh.
“No
doubt,” Laura concluded.
*****
The
next morning, Laura made the call that would forever disconnect her
family from any established religious faith.
“Good
morning, this is the Rosemont parish. How may I help you?” was
the friendly greeting from the parish admin.
“
Yes,
this is Laura Dean,” Laura replied. “I’m afraid
circumstances are compelling us to request removal of all our family
members from the church rolls and that there be no contact from
anyone in the Catholic church in the future.”
The
deep sigh Laura heard from the admin indicated that the woman had
heard this before. But, she was obligated to make a last-ditch pitch
for continued membership.
“Is
there anything the church can do to change your mind?” came the
rote question.
“Regrettably,
no,” Laura answered.
“Alright,”
said the woman, “just to confirm this is full removal from
membership.”
“Yes,
that’s correct, please remove our names from the parish rolls,”
Laura Dean said to the woman on the other end of a conversation that
marked the end of a decade-long search for a faith that she hoped
would bring her family to the embrace of a single, true god. “Thank
you for your time.”
The
search for true faith had ended with a short phone call and a family
entering the world of humanistic atheism.
This is a short, fictional
adaptation of the two-decade, off and on effort
by my wife and I to find “the one true church”. Needless
to say, the text is a highly condensed version of this effort yet may
well touch reality for many readers. If this work of fiction can
assist anyone in the search for factual truth, all the better.
The author is a
retired Silicon Valley technical writer who has pursued creative
writing as an avocation for the past twenty-plus years. His first
published works were a series of travel and local interest items,
culminating in a “Your Kind of Town”
contribution to the Smithsonian magazine in late 2009. From there,
the author focused on a series of short stories, two of which
appeared in anthology releases with other texts published by
independent outlets. In 2013, he released Dark
Deception, a
self-published novel
that is still available via various online sources.
In
addition to writing, the author pursues freelance photography
efforts, gardening, time with an aging but energetic Dalmatian and
travel with his wife, Mikayla. As time permits, he tinkers with his
website, miroerarts.com.
(Unless
you
type
the
author's name
in
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