Advice To My Daughters

Kelly Maida

© Copyright 2019 by Kelly Maida

Photo of a path into sunrise. {c} 2002 by Richard Loller.

As a survivor of domestic violence and I have been through both physical and emotional abuse, I would never want anyone to go through what I experienced. If I can help in anyway I would like to try. Today I was sending my daughters a message and It inspired me to write this. I told them the most dangerous position in life to be in is a situation where you donít love yourself. People will try to use and abuse you. They will try to get you drunk to take advantage of you. They will try to pressure you to do drugs. Or say I was not yelling, I was just talking loud. If you feel unsafe even for a moment, just leave. You do not owe anyone anything. Think of yourself first. Donít worry about well I wonít look cool. I used to have so called friends tell me all the time why are you not drinking you look so weird without a glass of alcohol in your hand. Those are not friends. They are people that do not have your best interests at heart. You know what is cool, standing up for yourself. Feeling good about yourself and the people around you. If you are doing things that you do not want to do to make others happy then you are not living a life to your full potential. In fact that is not living. And it is being fake. It is being fake to others and yourself.

At one point in the past I felt like my life was a Courtney Love song, I fake it so real I am beyond fake. I felt a part of me slowly dying when I used to listen to others, and take their advice to heart. I lost myself and became susceptible to narcisstists and the wolves in sheeps clothing. Men would tell me I was crazy when I used my intuition and the truth was I was right every single time. When I started to listen to myself, I had the answers in me all along. Sometimes we think we care about someone or canít be without someone. No itís called being co-dependent. All toxic relationships go through this. It is really a form of control and manipulation, I know this because the toxic men that I dated in the past had to know where I was all the time. I was so used to a man being with me all the time, I forgot all the things that I enjoyed. One relationship I was in, I was not even allowed to hang out with friends he had to come along. That ended quickly because the real you can only be silent for so long. I was screaming on the inside to break free from the toxic chains that bound me. I did not care anymore of how I looked or how I came across to people or what they thought. It was to hard to please everyone. Some people will never be happy with anything you do. Remember that is their problem not yours. I had to really let that sink in. People that find fault with you really are the oneís with the problem. It is not you, so stop taking ownership for everyone elseís problems. We canít save everyone, we can only save ourselves. And people have to want help. You canít force change on anyone. But you have every right in the world to leave a situation that you do not feel safe in. And if you with someone and they have a lot of qualities that you want them to change, just leave and save yourself the headache of not being happy. Life is to short, stand up for yourselves. Life is a gamble. It is like playing cards. Know the cards you have been dealt and know when to walk away and know when to run.

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