Arriving Back To The Land Of The Living






Kelly Maida



 
© Copyright 2024 by Kelly Maida


 Photo by RDNE Stock project: https://www.pexels.com/photo/welcome-sign-in-front-of-yellow-tulips-7281926/
Photo by RDNE Stock project: at Pexels.

For the longest time I was an abandoned house in a sense. It took a lot of going within and healing work to figure this out. For me to return back to the land of the living, I had to figure out what happened?

I had a revelation today and it came out of the blue. I was watching a meditation on core wounds and out of nowhere I figured out what some of the oldest and deepest wounds were. I never knew I abandoned myself. It sounds a little funny when you think of it. Usually someone has to leave another person to be abandoned. So this is a new concept for me to abandon oneself. It sounds like one of Sigmund Freud’s analogies. It’s so profound and yet quite remarkable. But let’s get back to how this happened today.

I woke up not feeling myself. I thought for years I had abandonment wounds from people leaving me. And I told myself well let’s watch another abandonment wound video for the 100th time and see if that works. However something inside me said no let’s watch the core wound video. I watched it and it made me go back in time. The woman in the video kept suggesting that I go back five years and then further. then to reach back as far as you can remember. The further that I went back, I started saying things out of the blue. As far as I can remember I used to be afraid of the dark when I was a kid and different fears came up. However after going through this and going back in time, I suddenly realized something. I had abandoned myself as a child.

I felt so powerless as a child. I think we all do. We look up to our caregivers for our wants and needs. We don’t know what we are doing. We look to them for guidance. But when that is not happening and you're reprimanded so much and always told you're wrong, something shifts and happens. We just check out mentally and quite possibly physically. Detaching from oneself on a spiritual level is when even your soul is out. It is kind of like having an out of body experience. It is like having an out of order sign on a soda machine. It’s living in fear and always feeling unsettled. Today is the first day I felt like myself in a long time. I had to come to this awareness inside myself. I feel as if I let go of so many burdens. For so long I had abandoned myself. I was the one I missed. It was such an odd thought I’ve never heard of this before. I always thought I was afraid of people leaving me. No, it was I who was scared because I left myself. All along I was afraid to trust myself because I checked out a long time ago. To finally come home to oneself is an amazing feeling. Maybe this is what we are all here to do on earth. We are all coming home to ourselves!



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