Coping With PTSD

Kelly Maida

© Copyright 2021 by Kelly Maida

Photo by Richard Loller.                               

I have already felt like a misfit and that I did not fit in before I was diagnosed with PTSD. And ever since I found out almost five years ago that I have Ptsd, I feel now more than ever that I really donít fit in. I feel the biggest problem is society does not even understand ptsd at all. I have been through several counselors over the period of five years. None of them have been helpful with my recovery. I was told by a psychiatrist that unfortunately with my type of insurance that the area I live in does not have the type of professional care that I need and my insurance company will not pay for the help that I need. So what exactly do individuals with ptsd do when they are not able to get the mental healthcare that they need? I do research on my own to see what other types of help there is out there but one common denominator that it comes down to is money. A counselor of mine has suggested trauma art to me. However itís not adult coloring books in fact they suggest against that. Trauma art is where a licensed therapist is also trained in art as well. It said that this person can help you release repressed emotions maybe that you are having trouble saying. This also would be another fee. However having Ptsd it not easy at all finding work. And when you apply for disability, if you are not a veteran well basically the government does not consider you disabled. Even though they label ptsd as a disability they should rephrase it because they do not recognize people that are not war veterans as having any problems. I may not have been on a battle field in war with the government but my whole life was a war zone. I did not ask to come into this world to the parents that brought me into this world. It was a very toxic environment from the moment I arrived in this world. Not to mention the physical and mental abuse that I went through. . From a young age I remember all of the yelling and screaming. I still have flashbacks of these memories. I try talking about it to people and everyone tells me to move on. If you donít have ptsd then you donít know how we have constant flash backs and nightmares of our abuse. My abuse did not stop after I grew up and moved out. I was abused in every relationship I was ever in. I almost died several times. I have stayed single for last almost five years because I know first hand how toxic most people are. I would like to say that their are good people out there but to be honest I never met one in person. I am just being completely honest right now. I just wanted to write about my experience so that maybe more people will come forward and talk about this as well. We read in the papers so many times of people being killed by domestic violence. But what about help for the domestic violence survivors? Our attackers go on to their next victim and just continue a viscous cycle of abuse. I have seen this personally. Domestic violence really is not something that the law enforced very well. My last attacker only spent one month in jail. He got out and went on to his next victim. So the law basically encourages in a sense the abusers but does not recognize the victims. It is a sad society that we live in. All over the news now they are talking about more deaths and most of them are domestic violence. We will see if the government changes their tune any time soon because obviously this is getting to be a situation that is definitely out of hand now.

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