I wanted to share
this story with others who feel that they don’t fit in or are
misunderstood! You are not alone! We are here to create something
different!
We’re
you also the odd one out in your family? The one that didn’t
really quite fit in?
It seemed like it on the outside as long as
you
made an effort. But If you did not reach out to make an effort, you
did not hear from anyone. You would never know from the outside that
I feel anxious around others. I am always making jokes. I love to
laugh and I have always been a really funny person. Laughter always
makes me feel better and it breaks up the tension in the room. I love
the quote by Jim Carrey that says the Black Sheep in the family is
the Awakened one. The one that is Awakened to Consciousness. But
before we realize this it can be a painful experience by not fitting
in with family or friends. Once I stopped drinking I came to that
painful realization that I always felt inside. Which was I always
felt different than everyone else. I never felt like I belonged. I
used to think I was adopted. I always tried to be an extrovert and
outgoing but deep down I am introvert. People exhaust me and I need
time to recharge. In my instance I am not only the Black sheep, I am
also a Highly Sensitive person. Which is also known as an Empath. My
family now is all broken apart. It’s like an inherited
malfunction in the system somewhere. My grandfather stopped talking
to my mom and our sides of the family. Then my mom would do that to
me and I would do that to her. And now my kids are doing that to me.
It is not easy watching your family have get together online and your
not invited. Being a sensitive person makes this worse. It makes you
want to withdrawal even more from your family and society. It brings
up old wounds and triggers. Being a very sensitive person is hard to
deal with in toxic environments. You can talk until your blue in the
face, however people can only see from their level of perception.
This was always hard for me to see. I thought everyone understood
what I was trying to say.
Not
everyone will understand you. And you may not understand others as
well. Sometimes the black sheep grows up in a toxic environment. And
because of that we pick up toxic traits along the way. And then being
around toxic people becomes the normal for us. We then start dating
toxic partners. Because that is all that we have known our whole
life. Then since we feel like black sheep we tend to find others with
wounds as well. But instead of us finding sheep, we find wolves in
sheep’s clothing. The problem with this is not all wounded
people can deal with their issues. Everyone deals with things in
different ways. I would just walk away when things were too much for
me to handle when I was with toxic partners. However the toxic
partners that I dated were very aggressive and controlling. When they
felt that they were losing control of the situation, they struck.
They became violent and explosive. Trying to trap me and make me
become afraid of them. My world became a nightmare. I think that is
why I always liked horror movies. Because in a sense, that is what my
world was. I saw people as monsters. I know that everyone is not like
this. However it’s rare. It’s funny, recently I had
someone try to read my tarot cards. I am also intuitive so I had to
laugh when she said you need to sit with your dark side. I laughed
and looked at her and said that is all I have done my whole life.
I’ve done that, I’ve sat in darkness with myself. Now the
phase that I’m learning is reprogramming my mind. Telling
myself I don’t have to listen to what others say anymore, I
think for myself and go with my intuition. I don’t have to try
to please others just myself. I have come to a point in my life where
I don’t really care who stays and who goes. I’ve got me
and I’m sure at some point I will let others in. But I am very
picky now on who I let into my space. But that is the way it should
be.
Contact
Kelly (Unless
you
type
the
author's name in
the subject
line
of the message we
won't know where to send it.)
