I grew up watching
cartoons of superhero’s such as superwoman and wonder woman. I
also grew up watching women work hard to raise their family while
maintaining a job. I always wanted to be like superwoman and be able
to handle everything.
As I grew up I noticed my friend’s
mothers and even those of people I dated worked hard to cook
and clean and even after they prepared a meal the women sat down
after everyone else was fed. I saw this in some of my family members
as well. Somehow I picked this up subconsciously. I also had this
feeling of wanting to help others. However as I grew up and went to
college, had kids and went after jobs that paid the bills, I did not
follow my dreams.
I went to college and pursued degrees that I
thought would pay the bills at the time And I thought it would make
me happy too. However I didn’t follow my dreams then. I tried
to make everyone happy. But I found people in need of fixing. Somehow
by helping these people to stay clean, healthy and sober. I lost who
I was.
I thought superwoman helped everyone and could take on
anything. I guess I forgot I was human. I never thought we could burn
out after so many years of helping others and not helping ourselves.
When I reflect on the past I thought I was taking my care of myself.
I didn’t realize just how much energy I was giving out by
helping broken people out their lives back together. It took major
shake ups in my life to help me see that I was not even on my own
path. I was on other people’s paths and I didn’t realize
it.
Even though I have been writing since I was a child, I did not
know how to even start the process of writing for a living. Until I
started to make major changes in my life. I didn’t realize all
of the things that were prohibiting me from my dreams. I always
thought that superwoman and other role models that we see on tv, etc.,
had to be perfect with no flaws. So any flaws that I had I tried to
bury them deep inside so they would go away. But instead they all
came up to the surface all at once after years of trying to keep them
hidden.
I thought strong people had to bear all the burdens and could
not ask for help. Until years of taken on so many burdens that I came
to a point of almost burnt out. I never realized that strong people
can ask for help when they need it. Their is no definition of strong
or weak. But I do know this--a strong person never gives up and always
keeps trying. It doesn’t matter if your strong or weak at the
moment but everyone needs help sometimes. It’s okay to ask for
help. It’s okay to admit your flaws. If you didn’t know
areas that you were weak in life how would you be able to improve?
Isn’t that what life is all about? Constant change and
evolution seems to me that in life we are always learning
something new. We are always learning from our mistakes. It is okay
to start from scratch and build a totally new path in life and have
no idea where the road that you are on will take you. I used to want
to plan everything out for myself. But I found that by trying to plan
everything it takes the life out of living. If you plan everything
where is the room for spontaneity or change? We think we know what we
want or have things planned but then life throws a curveball at us.
It’s okay to change your mind and venture on a new path.
Change
is constant and one thing I have learned for sure is that everything
in life is constantly changing. As much as we wish things would stay
the same, things change. We should look at it as a good thing. If we
stayed the same how would we grow or learn? Without change we would
never evolve. I feel the quote that says if you want things to be
different in your life you have to change what your doing is correct.
I wanted change so badly in my life I changed everything down to taking
different routes when I drive. Completely changing my behavior
because I wanted to be the real me.
The real me really loves to read
and to write. The real me could care less about going to bars or going
out. The old me used to go out a lot because I felt I was missing out
on life. And I love music and dancing. I had children young so I
always felt like I missed out on my youth. But I really didn’t.
Eventually everything became old and boring as far as going out to
bars and doing the same old thing after awhile.
The one thing I find
that never gets old or boring is reading and writing. I finally found
things that give me meaning in life. It’s never too late to
carve a new path for yourself. It’s never too late to start
over. As long as your breathing you still have time. No matter how
old you are! It is never to late to find yourself.
We all owe it to
ourselves to be happy. Once we are happy it is so much easier for
those around us to be happy. Once we are happy we will attract the
right people in our lives. You will no longer have to search for
happiness outside yourself. You will never find it in another.
Happiness was always inside you. You just had to find it for
yourself. No-one can help you do it, or find it for you.
In a sense
everyone on this earth that is trying to cope with life and keeps going
, or who
provides for their families and never gives up is a superhero. They
come in all shapes and sizes. They don’t have to wear a mask or
a cape. They help others out and do what they can to improve their
life.
However super hero’s need time for self love and care
too. It is quite ironic how much I mentioned superhero’s
and looked up to them as a child. When I was young I had to be
around seven, I’m not exactly sure, I went with my dad to his
friend’s restaurant and I wandered off from him. I was walking
fast and not watching where I was going. I did not pay attention to
where I was going and fell down what appeared at the time to be a
hole. It was a trap door for a cellar that was left open. I landed on
my feet, I was quite lucky.
My dad said I was like a cat and called
me cat woman. I then got a pair of cat woman glasses and one of his
friends called me cat woman. My dad always said I was like a cat and
landed on my feet. I just find this funny because cat woman was
always portrayed as a villain but she landed on her feet every time.
Whether you look at yourself as a superwoman, cat woman, or just a
woman we are all just doing our best and trying to find our own way
in life.
Even when life seems at it’s worst, you can always
land on your feet if you keep trying! Even if you fall down, you can
get back up!
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Kelly (Unless
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