'Have you got clean knickers on?' my mothers clarion cry could be heard the length and breadth of Middlesbrough, followed up with, 'if you were to have an accident I’d be mortified if you didn’t have clean knickers on.'

Presumably it mattered not whether I was at deaths door personally as long as my knickers were clean.

Question, do we have an obsession with knickers? Mine were pinched from my clothes line years ago and the police asked if I was bothered that they were found, along with 200 other pairs, in the drawer of a rather strange young man, I declined their return!

Do we age with knickers?

Young women, two triangles and ribbon at either side; mums, chain store ‘bikinis’; more mature bottoms graced with ‘high legs’ in cotton; then of course the ‘pants’ that define young old age as opposed to the real ‘bloomers’ which seem to have been a relic from World War II.

One must hide the ‘panty-line’ at all costs, a slim silluette must be shown through trousers, ( even at size eight the elastic digs in a bit!!) we must then resort to a ‘body sculptor’ (no that is not another ‘Rodan’ with ideas about bottoms,) it is an elasticated contraption which stops ( so I am told) the dreaded ‘bottom wobble’.

My understanding was that bottoms should ‘wobble’, sadly not, if the cheeks move independently it is wobble, avoid at all costs. Tell me where do you get a bottom with no meat on it to wobble?

Does my cynical mind suggest perhaps an advertising ploy?

My mother, bless her heart was an officiado of the ‘corset,’ no not the sexy ‘le femme’ variety more the ‘under belt and laces ‘ variety in a fascinating shade of elastoplast pink, along with of course the barrage balloon ‘drawers’ in a matching shade, I was an only child, I after discovering her ‘under garments’ did not question why.

Since I have now passed from youth to age I favour the cotton brief, easily washed, dried and at least at that size I can find them. I do not envisage entering the ‘bloomers’ stage for some considerable time ( to the relief of my husband!) though I have to say they did keep the thighs warm and cover the suspenders ( I am told on good authority) added to which these long winter drawers are held in high esteem by climbers and hikers for their thermal values.

One must of course move with the times, we have not always worn knickers , there have been tights with ‘built in’ knickers, some ladies prefer the French variety ( think shorts but silky and frilly) personally it is entirely up to you, but do remember though they must be CLEAN, heaven forefend you have an accident!!

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