Just A Dream Eman Khalid   © Copyright 2018 by Eman Khalid

You and I,

held hands 

and danced perfectly to the rhythm of your favorite song.

I tilted my head slightly 

giving you the permission to kiss me,

as you came closer,

my breath quickened.

I woke up.

It was a dream, 

just another beautiful dream.

They say that as the time passes by, things change and feelings change. But I say that's the biggest lie ever told. It's been eight years. But I still remember that day perfectly. It was mid-December when I spoke with you for the first time. On the other days, I'd just gaze at you from across the street or from my bedroom window. You moved next to my house when I was ten years old. But I never got the courage to talk to you. Because when I stared into your chocolate brown eyes, my heartbeat fastened and my knees got weak. I wasn't actually the kind of girl anyone would want to date or hang out with. I've always been insecure about the way I looked. Messy brown curls and freckles, that's who I was. I always thought I was unappealing until the day you told me that I wasn't. 

"You look beautiful Meg!" You said. I blushed and looked down at my twirled fingers.

It was the Christmas Eve party. Trust me when I tell you this, I dressed up extra nice that day because I knew that you were going to be there. I saw your name on the invitation list. I wore a red lace dress and applied a dark shade of red lipstick, which by fact was the first time I wore the darkest shade of lipstick. After the day you told me that I looked beautiful, I always wore dark shades of lipsticks.

When school started after winter break, it was the beginning of a new year. As I walked past the school corridor I noticed you standing in the corner with your group of friends, laughing at something you thought was funny. Your laughter was like music to my ears. But you didn't notice me walking past you. I stood at my locker a bit longer just to hear the sound of your laughter. 

It was a chemistry class and I sat on one of the benches in the corners and solved away some complex equations. I was a top student by the way. But you were the complete opposite of who I was. 

I was shy, quiet and soft-spoken.

You were ruthless, rebellious and a social freak. 

I was a loner

You had football guys and hot girls roaming around you 24/7.

I loved reading books.

You loved making out with random cheerleaders in your car.

We were the exact opposites of each other. 

But as the saying goes,

opposites attract

and even physics proves that.

Maybe that's why you asked me to go to prom with you at the end of senior year. You said that I wasn't like the other girls, you said that I was different. You said that I had a cute smile and a shy aura. You found me attractive, right?

It was prom day. I woke up early morning to get ready. My family wasn't rich so I couldn't get my hair and makeup done professionally. I worked part-time at a retail store to collect money for my prom dress. It was a cream colored gown and it had the white lace design on it. I decided to do soft curls on my long brown hair. When I got ready, I looked in the mirror and for the first time in my life, I felt beautiful. First of all, because you chose me as your prom date. The boy I've had a crush on since elementary school. The boy whose eyes I could write a thousand page poetry on describing their depth and beauty. I decided, tonight I was going to tell you how I felt about you. I didn't care what you would think or say about me. I was going to tell you how you made my heart race and whenever you approached me, I would feel like I am floating on the seventh sky. I would tell you tonight, how I wished upon a star once for you to call me "my girl". I will tell you everything. 

You, my dream, my wish, my muse and my poetry. You are my person and you don't even know that yet. 

It was almost 7 pm but you still didn't show up at my front door to pick me up, which you promised you would. I waited and waited. Hours had gone by. I called you, but you didn't pick up. I texted you, but no reply. I went to the school. Thought I'd find you there. Well, I did find you there but in the arms of another girl. As usual, you did not notice me standing there. I wore the lipstick shade you find beautiful. How could you not notice me? I looked beautiful but the girl you held in your strong arms was more beautiful. She had long blonde hair. She wore a velvet colored dress that showed off her long legs. She was everything that I wasn't. 

That's it, I couldn't stand there any longer. As I came out of the school, the cool wind hit my face and I breathed heavily, taking in the smell of the fresh air of spring mixed with a little summer. I walked. I did not know where I was headed to, but I just kept walking on an endless road. I don't know how much time had gone by but I  spotted the carnival lights from far away. The Ferris wheel's light shone from above the sky. 

I sat on one of the booths on the Ferris wheel. When it reached high above the sky, I could see the whole town from up here. Everything seemed so small and pointless. The houses, the skyscrapers, the carnival lights and my school. I imagined thousands of fireflies flying together on an endless journey. Somewhere, you were down there, kissing someone who's not me. You will probably be the prom king and she will be the queen. Both of you are perfect for each other. But deep down, I wished that I was her. I envied her. 

Perhaps, somewhere in another universe we are madly in love with each other and laughing at the fact that somewhere in another universe we aren't together. Perhaps in another life, God would make me yours and make you mine. So I wouldn't have to bear the pain of loving you from afar. Watching you kiss her, hold her and do all the things I wish you'd do with me. 

It's been eight years today. I am sitting at the same Ferris wheel and watching the lit up town from underneath me. Until today I never understood why you lied to me. I never understood why you didn't call me back or replied to my texts. I've been with a lot of boys after I graduated high school. But none of them made me feel the way you did. None of them made my heart race the way you did. But most of all, I couldn't love anyone the way I loved you. It is okay you know? the lies you've told me. I forgave you even though you never asked for my apology. You never got to know how I felt about you. One day, you might realize what you did to me was wrong. I hope that you wonder why every girl you meet won't look at you the way I did. I hope, you wonder why she never laughs at any of your jokes, when I was the one laughing at your most horrendous jokes. I hope you wonder why you lied to me on the day that was supposed to be memorable for every high school student. I hope you realize one day, that you broke my heart in a million pieces and nothing can fix it. I am in so much pain, but I learned to live with it. I hope you wonder, why you chose her instead of me. I hope that you try to find me in every woman you meet. But I swear to god, you will never find me.