In
spite of the camouflage, I can see her sharing last minute hugs with
the family she leaves. Behind the irregular shapes and shades of
beige and green, she begins to fight her first battles; the struggle
to hold back tears and to remain strong for those who aren’t.
As they watch her stride toward her departure gate, they savor the
last glimpses of their soldier while their minds are filled with
hopes of her safe return. She doesn’t look back. She can’t
now. All she would see would be blurry images of those she holds dear
to her heart. Her eyes are now filled with tears, just like those who
stood with her moments before. Within hours, the distance between
them will turn into thousands of miles, however the distance isn’t
captured by a measurement; but rather it’s the mere fact that
they are now apart and for a great deal of time.
The
airport employee holds out his hand for Sergeant Johnson’s
boarding pass, scans it and then very respectfully he boldly thanks
her for her service. His words are spoken with profound sincerity. It
is obvious that he is not speaking from a memorized training script.
Following just a few steps behind Johnson I’m taken by the
emotions welling up within me in just the few minutes that have
passed. I think about how her friends and family are feeling, how the
airport employee has shown his respect and thankfulness, and how the
other passengers are reacting. I wonder why Johnson is pulling on my
heartstrings. It’s not the first soldier I’ve seen, nor
is it the first time to see ‘good byes’ made in an
airport. But today, it is just different.
There she
sits, mysteriously patient, in the back row of first class. As I wait
in the holding pattern just within the door of the plane, I think
about how there is probably an automatic upgrade to first class for
the military and how honorable the staff of the airlines should make
her flight. This will be one of the last times this passenger touches
U.S. soil for a while, if ever again. A passenger just ahead of me
speaks to Johnson, but I’m not sure what was said. I wait
longer and my heart beats even faster. I know that I cannot walk by
without speaking; the urge is too strong to contain as I feel it
welling up inside. What will I say? I try to come up with something
creative; something that she hasn’t heard before and something
that doesn’t sound foolish. Before I know it, I’m
standing in front of the one who will soon face much more than I will
ever see. Even though I try to prepare for conversation, nothing
seems sufficient. “Where are you headed?” Without
expression she replies, “Afghanistan”. “You are in
my prayers and I want you to know that I appreciate your service”.
My heart continues to beat faster.
As
I step slowly in line down the aisle looking for seat 9D, I wonder
what it is that she actually does. Will she be on the front lines, or
back at the barracks assisting the injured? Will she be standing on
her feet all day cooking for the troops? What is her specialty? What
is she called to do? I try to focus more on locating my seat as the
line comes to a halt. Row nine is only just past first class. With
Johnson almost within reach, I stow my cute lime green backpack
overhead and sit in seat “D”, just one row behind first
class. With two more empty seats next to me, I wait for the other
passengers to board. I’m sure I’ll have to stand up and
move for the next to sit down at some point, so I’m sure to not
settle in just yet. The window view is a favorite, but for this
flight, the aisle suits me just fine. I have a clear view to the
fascinating soldier.
For
only moments at a time, can I take my eyes off of her? It is as
though a magnetic force is pulling my spirit toward hers. Her every
move is like a picture saved in my memory. She gently strokes her
silky black hair bound in a perfect circle on the back of her head,
as if to make sure not one single hair is out of place. The flight
attendant interrupts her concentration by offering another beverage
and this time there is a snack. I continue to watch as if a movie is
playing on a screen. The attendant returns promptly to ensure every
need is met for her VIP travelers. As if I’ve seen a falling
star, I make a wish that Johnson take advantage of every snack and
drink offered because going forward such little luxuries will be very
limited. She makes a choice without hesitation, consumes the chintzy
bag of chips and settles in for this leg of her journey.
With
appetite suppressed, the time has come for Johnson to take advantage
of the opportunity for some extra sleep. I can only imagine of what
this warrior has endured knowing her deployment date been set and
drawing near. The mental stress would only contribute to her pre-war
fatigue.. As she begins to drift off to sleep, her muscles flinch. Is
she dreaming of playing on a Sunday afternoon in the park with family
and friends? Maybe she is having a nightmare about being in a
fire-fight with enemy fire screaming past her. Does she dream of
flying away, escaping the battle she can see below? Maybe she is
dreaming of a sweet return home. Johnson will surely wake with a pain
in her neck from the awkward sleeping position. Sleeping in a tightly
packed airplane does not compare to what she will soon be exposed to.
With eyes shut, she dreams. I stare in wonder.
Slowly Johnson
wakes, positions herself back upright in her seat and begins once
again to ensure her hair is tightly bound, all silky strands in
place. Waking up in an unfamiliar place, she looks around as if to
make sure nothing has changed since she drifted off. Reality sets
back in as her flight is headed to the war zone. Her flight wasn’t
a nightmare after all, then again, maybe it is. She reminds herself
that she chose to serve her country and that she will overcome the
unknown fears ahead. She is proud to wear the government issued
clothing and rugged boots, but now she will be tested far more than
boot camp ever prepared her for. The thousands of miles between home
and her destination are reducing by hundreds every minute now.
Leaning over to look out the small filmy window, Johnson knows the
beautiful fall mountainside view will turn into a sandy desert all
too soon. In the midst of the storms she will ride out in the future,
she hopes to recall in detail this vivid landscape for which she is
fighting.
As
the flight draws to an end, my heart begins to race with thoughts of
how I will never see Johnson again. Not knowing her first name is
wearing on me. What can I do in these last few moments? I want to be
able to keep in touch with the soldier who unknowingly made an impact
on me today. There may be times where she cannot share with her
family and friends, but could confide in a total stranger or soon to
be friend. “That’s me”, I want to urgently declare.
I quickly grab for a pen and paper. I need to pass on a note to her
as if it is her last chance to have a new- found friend. I know that
she can live her life without ever knowing me, but maybe I could be
the one who would be there for her during those tough times. Coming
from a conference where a name badge was provided, I decide to use
the back for my message. Okay, reality is that it is the handiest
piece of paper and I only have a few minutes to get this done. Before
turning the badge over to the back, I read over the conference logo
and my name clearly typed out. Amazingly, the theme of the conference
is fitting for Johnson as it is titled “Survivor- Outwit,
Outplay, and Outlast”. Second thought, this theme seems to fit
me for this hour of my life. The reminder to ensure seatbelts are
buckled, seats are upright, and all electronic devices are turned
off, blares over the speakers. Faster I write to finish my message,
all with the intention of asking the stewardess, who will soon walk
by checking seatbelts, to hand my note to Johnson as she exits the
plane. I look around to ensure that I have all of my belongings, all
while holding tightly to my only hope of staying in contact with the
brave angel who boarded before me today. I wait patiently. I wait. I
look around anxiously, but the flight attendant is nowhere in sight.
Surely she’ll check on her passengers just one more time before
touching down. I wait. My ears begin to pop as we descend lower in
preparation to land. Hopes of keeping in touch with Johnson start to
wither and optimism turns to pessimism with every foot drawn closer
to the runway.
With
my body being pulled forward by the momentum of the landing, I find
that there are more parts of me being moved than anyone could ever
begin to imagine. With disappointment, I gently fold my heartfelt
written words as if I’m closing this chapter of my life. At the
same time, I look up to see that Johnson is deep in thought as she
gently touches her bottom lip with the pointer finger of her left
hand. She is intensely pondering over something, but what? From
moving several hundred miles an hour and traveling over several
states, we now are at a complete stop. The cabin is now depressurized
and we are about to be released out of these constrained quarters. As
everyone prepares to stand and exit, I’m overwhelmed with a
sense of clairvoyance. Sure enough, Johnson turns her head slightly
to the left as if she is looking to her neighbor. At this point I
know without a doubt that she senses me, just as she has the past
hour but chose not to admit it. She boldly turns her head to look
over her left shoulder and our eyes meet for the second time, all
while feeling as if it was the first. A connection is clearly made.
It was as if this was the final moment where the last breath was to
be taken and I’m the one who watches so grimily. So much still
lies ahead, but this chapter ended prematurely. Happily ever after
will only be seen when Johnson’s boots are walking again on
U.S. soil and her arms are tightly wrapped around a body which holds
a heart that longs for her. For me, the chapter ends with words never
to be.
I'm not a published author by any means. I'm a 40 year old
mother, full-time employee and 'domestic partner' of a wonderful
man! I just write what's on my heart. This story is true to
every detail! I was on the plane with "Johnson".
I hope that this touches you in a way in a way that this soldier
touched me. I write as a hobby when inspired and as time
permits with a career and family. Send me your feedback or if this is
available for publishing. Thank you for reading.
(Unless you
type
the
author's name in
the subject
line
of the message we
won't know where to send it.)