Thyroid Stories



Purbasha Roy


 
Copyright 2021 by Purbasha Roy



Illustration of a thyroid.

What can thyroid do to a poor body and common life ?
 
In my social handle , I have met almost my every school mate. Now , mature adults. Far from
the teen bodies we owned once. I have come of age along them.
 
About two years back I suffered bloating issues and visited the doctor. The doctor , an obese
human had one of the brightest smiles I have seen in one of the thousand faces I have met or
crossed. She asked with a sweet humility " What do you do to maintain yourself?". How
easy the answer came " Nothing madam , I keep check on calorie intake".
 
I couldn't forget this incident. It just uncorked my battle against my own body. In my puberty
years , one day my mother heeded my slightly swollen throat and took me to hospital. I was
diagnosed with hypothyroidism.  Thyroid , a sickness , sometimes the body carries whole life.
The way oceans carry salt. Mine , the case sprung out differently. I had to take three years of 
medicines . The early diagnoses and regularity in medicine intake helped me come out of the 
disease sooner than  later.
 
My body had started accumulating layers of lard. It didn't take time for me to swell like balloon.
I lost my sharp jawline as if it never existed in long past. The widow's hump gave me an elder
woman's look before my 16th birthday. Not a part of me was left to gain weight expect my hair.
Infact , my hair volume reduced like clouds from summer skies. What more , I felt shame
wearing my knee length school uniform. I stood before whole-length mirror and saw how ugly I
have become. It was a phase of trauma I was facing in absolutely privacy. I never let anyone see
a single sparkof shame . Burning me down like falling log in forest fire. 
 
I began abandoning food . I was stubborn to get back my old body. Who knew this act was
slowly making my body hollow. The bone aches are the living proofs of my foolish behaviour. In
the time I imagined was the only way out. Whatever I thought had great calories. I removed
from my eating list. My mother insisted me but in vain. What I knew my family is always there
for me . I just couldn't afford telling them my pain , fearing this would hurt them as well.
 
Like heavy weight ostrich. I wanted to ape the bird . Sink my face and body in my
pillow and mattress . So as to become invisible. I began avoiding social gatherings. I made lame
excuses to skip school picnics or any social ceremony . 
 
No one ever called names on face. One day oneof my friend of the same gender said" The boys 
call you pitcher ". I saw her laugh in a sarcastic way. I thought the big round vessel synonymous 
to my broad hips and thighs . Once again I felt warmth crawl beside my eyes. I stopped myself
from sobbing.Whenever hurt has met me , she has fallen flat before my underlying strength. I
don't self-pity like an easy ritual. That needs no fast but sweet meats placed before the devotee. I
let boketto win over me. A week passed. I had lost sleep. My important physics classes had me 
just physically I was stunned . Something had ripped my muscles. I was in deep pain. For which 
I hadno correct preface . A description made of silence... silence. My mental health was affected 
for sure.
 
Solving mathematical equations seemed an impossible trek to a precipitous mountain . I was
slowly losing hold of my biggest luxury : EDUCATION.  

Education for simple middle class can't be anything but luxury . I was lucky when girls my age
studied in company schools. I was getting education in the single english medium school of my
small town. I can say,  education is a paper-knife to cut the newspaper classifieds. To grab under
sleeves the beautiful bird of permanent job with an ok salary.
 
My board exams were closing in. I prepared myself for  refocus after my pre-boards fetched me
 very poor grades. One fine morning I turned my face to sun of unfeeling. Again I was neck
drowned in my studies. I was sitting long hours before books. I was not involved in any kind of
physical activity for months.  Those were the times computers were for rich homes . This phase
ended happy. I was partially satisfied with my performance. I was certain I would get some
respectful marks. My parents won't have reasons to droop their heads down I guessed. I had a
long three months vacations before the  results were to be declared out. The only  matter that
itched me . I was more plumper than before.
 
 One day mother told she would take us(I have a brother and sister . This makes us family of
five) to our uncle's house. We were very happy on the trip . There when my aunt saw me. She
hurled on me thousand suggestions. 'Don't take nap in noons'. She wanted me to actually starve
myself. Stay on water , literally. Again this kind of insult inflicted on me made me remember the
school incident. 
 
I returned back more determined. I had to lose excess flab resting like raw-wound on my body. 
Now , I had no better reasons to stay away from workout.  

I started my mornings with long walks . My childhood skipping ropes found there way out from
the trunk . We three kept our childhood toys in it. I skipped and skipped. Maybe more than a
stone is washed by the river overlapping its way through it.  

Slowly I could feel my body squeeze . Like extra cotton removed from an uncomfortable pillow.
Though I was far from what can be called as a healthy and beautiful body. I still believe beauty
of soul is the foremost thing . Yet , equally important is to have a healthy body. It's a fact extra
weight does no good to our hearts and insulin counts. I had begun my return journey to good
health. I was happy. Contented. 
 
My regular thyroid tests gave a shout-out for the normal levels , my body had reached in few
years time. My body felt good escaping the tunnel of illness. Like the butterfly out of spider's
web. 
 
My results were announced in the due course of time . I scored merit marks. Then , I got
admission in a college where our relatives stay. So , when I opted for hostel stay. They began to
pick me for their ocassional weekend home visit . One day , one of my cousin taunted me before
her family friend. I was so much hurt. I stopped going to their home .  

I was on my journey to good health. Nowhere , near destination. This was one of the most
heartbreaking incident of my life. I wondered how can anyone look down upon someone.
Doesn't this feel like we are strangling our concise with our own hands. We become more the
animal  that stays inside us like our breaths.  

I was a joke for her and many. In hostel I continued with my walks. Now , evening . I strolled on
the big ground for an hour or two. I continued losing weight. I kept feeling better. I could wear
my favourite tight jeans , corset-tops and all those were in fashion. No one could ever pass
remarks for baggy shirts or my large size Indian wears. Those I used camouflage my body. I was
somewhere between heavens with honey smeared strawberries on my hands. 
 
Meanwhile I had lost touch with my school friends. Then same happened to my college mates.
And so , when I met them on social media . I watched almost all who had vilified me have lost
their shapes. I am in amicable terms to my relatives. I didn't laugh back. Just thought , why
clocks are made round neither square nor rectangle. Anyways , life is something to be taken less
seriously , adding more of happy moments . A little forgetfulness. Ignorance to all that invites 
bitternessand pain.
 
I wish my journey for good health (I never call perfect body. It's health that needs healing . And
this includes mental health in obtuseness ) stays on track in the future I am to enter . This time
carrying the biggest asset 'healthy habits'. 
  

I am a writer from Jharkhand , India. To be true I have a failed career behind me and I try to write my heart out on matters that affect or affected me. A time of my life that has stayed inside me like bleeding wound.
My work has appeared or is forthcoming in Rigorous magazine , Golden Walkman magazine , The Raven Review , Everything in Aspic and elsewhere.



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