Gracie Bargo Harmon
© Copyright 2003 by Gracie Bargo Harmon
For all the days and all the nights that when i was a child would i had ever thought of how my life would turn out, sure when were young we think of proms, boyfreinds, our first dates or just hagging out with our freinds, or even thinking were in love but come to find out its just that little thing called puppy love, but to hear us we all were in love more than once, and then when we get older in our teens we sometime meet our real first love and think the world set and shines in them, until that relationship falls also, But really know that we are all growed up do we really set and think about those days, even the day when we got our first kiss and went with a smile and glow on our face for days, scared to tell our mothers about the kiss scared she would kill us for that,
I am twenty five know married first at fifthteen and stayed in the marriege for nine years had a beatiful son in the marriege but after nine long years the marriege failed i went my way with my son and he went his way, when somthing like that happens all of the memories that we had with our boyfreinds when we were kids seem like they all come back to us and again at that time we fill like a failer again, knowing deep down it wasn't our falt the marriege didn't work out but we feel as if we have to point our finger at our selves,
After nine years anyway me and my son left and went to florida and there i meet a man that was wonderful but in my heart i was scared of falling in love again i thought all men was crul and mean hearted until this man showed me that they wasn't and i desereved to be happy and that all men wasn't mean that they are good ones out there we just have to gain that trust back, and i did. I feel in love with him, he was wonderful in all ways he treated my son with all the respect that well a daddy could give, my son looked up to him, after a time had passed i again married. This marriege was different i had love that i had never felt before i had the trust that every woman should have in a marriege,.
Well i was pregnet with child two we all was so happy, after all i always wanted another child we found out it was a boy and talking about one happy brother my son was our life had turned out to be what we wanted it to be, my son had a daddy and i had a real husband someone that we new would love and take care of us, when i turned six months pregent we moved to kentucky my homeland, there we stayed with my parents tell we got our on place, we were so happy of having each other.
Janurary rolls around and here came my little angel, seven pounds fourteen ounce basby boy, and to me all my dreams had been fullfilded, Just having my second child with a man i truly loved made our lives brighter. Sure i still look at my past my child hood dreams all the boys i thought i loved as a teenager, I set and laugh from time to time thinking of all the mean things me and my sisters had done our even with my freinds, i would ground my boys for a year if they even tryed to do the things i done as a child growing up, our childeren seems to change our lives they turn us in the right derection and we find our selves being mommys something we really never thought of when we was growing up, we set and think of all the bad times we gave our parents and i often feel bad at my self when i think of how or even how i talked to my mother when i was young.
Well its been a year know that i have been married my son is now five months old and my another one is nine years old, i have a wonderful family my childeren are my life without them i couldn't live life they give me the sunshine i need each day there smiles and laughter i would take nothing for, when the sky is gray they still make me have sunshine, my husband on another hand he is the greatest he was sent like a angel in my life a time when i really needed someone so bad and he came to me, know i look to life as different as before just because i know now they are life out there they are someone out there that does care no matter what we go through in life they are always someone out there that is loving that does care, and now i look at my life as great after all the rough times i had getting to where i am today i can look back and say it was worth every mile i took, because i got myself to were i am today with my two sons and my husband that i care so much for.
But the memories goes right back to the times when i was
little and thinking i was all grown up, thinking i new it all even thow
i was told so by my parents i had to find out on my own, if i new what
i did no now i would had lession to my parents when they tried to talk
to me or even counsel me of my wrong doings, but that is the past now and
what i have now i am happy of, so next time when your parens try to give
there advice lession to them because after all they done lived the life
was are about to live.
Gracie Bargo Harmon
2003 by Gracie Bargo Harmon
Living in Florida at first was scary leaving a place were I grew up at and coming into a town to were I had never been before, when I first got here they were no mountains and all was different, My husband kelp telling me what a pretty place it was and walking down to the beach and watching the suneset over the Gulf of Mexico was like a dream, that it almost looked like the sun was setting down in the water when it went down , The day here he took me around showed me the beach, and oh was it so different than the mountains it seemed like water was all around me and it was but beatiful it was, but the only thing I wanted to see was the sun set out over the gulf, now this was my first time of seeing anything like this I never left the mountains, so seeing this much water with no land around it was supprising to my eyes , it was almost breath taking, and to my eight year old he him self had never seen anything like it also he ran on the beach and I watched him from a distance his hair was blowing from the wind, he had his pants rolled up to his knees and a smile was on his face that I had never seen before and from that moment I new all was going to be great, sure it was scary to us both not knowing anyone not knowing about the place was enough to scare any one, bt we took day by day as it was gave to us and we found new things that we liked more and more everyday,
But the second day we was there I wanted to see this sun set that I had heard so much about so bad,,, the only sun set I had ever seen was the sun coming up over the mountains and setting down between the trees in Harlan County you never got to really see it you just seen the raise that it put out between the trees, That evening came we went down to the beach and sat the sun was so bright it was like a bright light at the end of a howl, it almost hurt your eyes to look at it but the sky around it was the most beatiful thing it almost looked purpule, The sun had got close to the water and it did look like it was melting right into the it but at that moment it closer down they was a sail boat that went threw it and it was like a drawing you see of the ocean and a sail boat I had only seen something like this in a book or a picture but the longer I set there and watched the sun slowly fade away into the night, I that every word my husband had told me was true, and if you stand infront of the sun as its setting and take a picture it looks almost like your holding it in the palms of your hand,
To me seeing a new place was scary but they are more life
out there than I have seen we just got to get out, sure I miss the mountains
that's my home but so is Floirda now.
|Answers Of Angels
Gracie and Eddie
2003 by Gracie and Eddie Harmon
It was the month of August the sniper was on the lose he had already shot
seven people, chat rooms were
full of peopletalking and concerned about where he would be next, I go into chat room news august the fifthteenth at nine forty five by the name hope angel eyes, when all of a sudden I see this person going by the name of Sunday rain holler at me and says " hey angel are you ready to fly because I know you have the wings" I took it as a smart remark, a few min.s later this guy instant messages me and wants to talk, now I am going threw a bad marriage at the time and I know if my husband sees me talking to a guy I know he will be mad so I block him off, and ignore him, days go by when every time I get on I have this guy hollering at me but the words he would say was getting to were I could know longer ignore him so I start chatting back with him, at this time in my life I needed someone just to talk to or more like just be a friend that would stand by me threw my problems I was having in this marriage I was in.
So days go on and every time I would get on the Internet me and this guy would talk I started opening up to him of what I was going threw at home and to me doing that with any one was strange because I wanted to keep it all bundled up inside me, but this man gave me answers to all my problems and it felt good to have someone there that could give me answers to were I needed them, seems like I was growing more closer to him by just the words that he was sending me, I seen that this man had a good heart and so caring he was, at this point neither of us had seen pictures of each other he lived in Florida and I lived in Harlan County, so I decided I would send him a picture of me now at this time I had been sneaking and talking to this man at least two weeks but I felt so opened to him and I was, here I am getting a picture of me ready to send him I push the button send, I am setting in the chair thinking what am I doing sending a picture of my self to a man that I don't really even know, he receives the picture in his mail box opens it up and the replies back at me I have butterflies in my stomach of what he thought about me, and his reply back at me was, " you look like a angel" just all the words this man said to me was like it was meant to be for us to meet the way we did, Everyday was getting more and more interesting the words we spoke to each other were reaching our hearts and we were helping each other, but for me he was really showing me that there was more to life than staying home in a closed up room and having a husband that just didn't care, in a months time we were getting really close sharing our thoughts with each other laughing and showing love, we both seen what was happening we were falling in love with each other but I didn't want to believe it I was scared of the word love from the marriage I was in, and he taught me not to be scared that all men weren't that way he really started showing me love and I felt it even though we were so many miles apart it felt like he was there in the same room with me telling me about his life, about his daughter and his grand children, and before long here I am calling him, I would catch my husband
gone and he would buy me calling cards to call him, and by the first month was over with I had talked to his mother, brother,
daughter, and his granddaughter., I was getting so close to him a day went by that I didn't call him and I was feeling so down,
Starting the second month of us talking we are getting more and more involved in each other were telling each other everything like we had new each other a life time, he was helping me with the way I felt about my self, I was taking what my husband was doing to me and my son and keeping all that in me and by the time September is here I notice that this man was helping me more than just one way, he had guided me out of a way that I had built up in my self by the way of feeling inter heart a special way chosen by him by saying you don't have to use just your heart use what's in side your heart that's were your true feelings come from, and he was bringing this trueness out of me that I didn't even know I had, he came to teach me the new way of living without all the pain that I had put on my self because of someone else I rather not even talk about, he always told me there was always a way out, but I needed to find it with in my self and maybe he was that angel on my shoulder teaching me the way, showing me the way, the right way, once he taught me I could take away the hurt any time I wanted to, all I had to do was go back threw the words that he had spoken to me and seemed like all the hurt would go away, the second month was almost over with and he was always in the back ground when ever I needed him,, when one night I tried to get him into my home town chat which he new nothing
of, trying to direct him into the room turned out to be fun he couldn't find it, but after all it turned out to be fun, so we both
decided to talk by instant massager because it was much easer, in the last of the second month I decided to tell my niece about
him so I did and with her she thought it was great, she even got to the point were when I would call him she would have to talk as well, she seen nothing wrong with me talking to him, she seen that he was opening me up to where I was feeling better about my self and my life, each night we would talk on the internet till late in the morning and times my husband would walk in the room I would push x to let him know that my husband was in the room not to type back to me and he wouldn't, nights was so much better laughing and having that internet friend that I needed so bad, just to know that I had someone there to talk to and open my feelings and my heart up to made my days go so great with him it felt like I could face any problem that life threw at me, I felt safe and secured with him didn't have a worry in the world as long as I new that he would be there when I got on the computer was all I ever worried about and he was each time I gave a holler he was there to answer me, and he is the only person I have ever seen that could give me a answer to each of my questions and be right about the answers he gave me, my love for this man was growing each minute that I had with him either on the phone or on the internet, that love was there at all hours threw out the day, and the next day the same love was there but a little bit stronger than the day before it was starting to scare me I really never had this feeling that I had with this man with any one not even my husband, the bond was so strong between us, when the end of the second month of talking to him came I felt like a angel and I new at this point in my life that this man was also my angel. Some one I could trust and believe in not only as a friend but as a soul mate as well, Yes all is true as she is telling I am her trust, her best friend, of all her soul mate for life. Three months ago this change in my life
came by way of faith, belief, and a true feeling that I could make the most wonderful thing happen to this woman by teaching her a different way of looking at herself instead of being withdrawn from a world she had and was so close to all but giving up on I was not going to let this happen, I was going to be that chosen angel in her life, I was by her side in feelings of need and I was her guide to her heart by spirit and by faith to open up and not hide what can hurt you, fear is no where but within your self stand in front of it and you have it made, I opened up a part of her being she had kept shut inside and didn't know how to lift away that hurt not caused by her, but by the lack of care needed and not given when so,
This meeting between our hearts and our souls will last forever I am that chosen angel for her in spirit. She attends church and feels spirit of life as she has mine, we did meet in a god sense way and for a purpose that only our hearts and souls know, or I wouldn't have come to know her as I do. He had told me that there is so much more to life then just getting up and throwing your whole life away, just ask your inter heart and it will give you your answer to anything you ask and I was the one that had taught her that way of thought that she had buried in her self and wouldn't let go to come out and say this is the real me I have lifted her self esteem up and told her that this is the most important quality of your life that keeps you from sickness makes you healthy and the most of all happy.
This is how I was bought up to believe that once this is stripped away from your heart that true sense of your self and spirit just disappears. This must have been my job to do , to keep this from happening from this special person or at least try to stop this because know one should have there self worth put down because someone told you to be that way, that choice is your own and know one else's and that your guide is your faith in God and the angels that do his work for him, I found this out a long time back with my younger brother we had found out that our father was to sick to bare the weather change and the doctors said it would be best if he moved to the south were the climate was better suitable for his health. Well unfortunately my father died leaving mom and brother on there own, in my heart I knew I had to be there with them and that's when I became my brothers role model, an angel on his shoulder and today he has a great career and is doing fine I had kept him from going down the wrong road of trouble drugs and everything else in his way growing up, today I have a daughter I raised my self she is a fine mother of three and a angels work always goes on as if its coming from your heart to do so faith will take over as your guide for I feel a special ones cry for answers she cant find she knows my gift to make better as her angel to help her in need to always be there I guess my path threw life will be an angel of faith ,trust and well to help those you truly love to feel the real life in them selves from my gift of word to know you put them special words into someone's heart that you come to love for that life's a highway and I am her guide, of pure untouched feelings for one another in a way that cant be explained by either of us and to this day we are both in awe, and wonder why this has come about for our two lives meeting each other, There are angels among us what else could it be, we have taught
each other that there is so much in life out there and that there is a real world that I taught her how to find threw inter heart, I taught her how to find the hole that was in her heart how to fill it up, with faith and belief in her self and that she could do any thing that she wanted to do by letting her fear go away, and stand up for her self as the true woman I taught her to be,
As the third month came on, the killers had been caught and the chat room had disappeared as far as we knew, our instant
messages came more frequently soon as the messages weren't enough then came more phone calls, as she started opening
her heart up to me more and more each day I started finding the real truth about who she was and what the real troubles were in her life, that's when I knew I wasn't going to stop until I could really take her away from all this, I am that angel on her shoulder and not just for her but for her son that she loved so much, they were and are going to be part of my life for ever, my heart told me that with each passing day and each day got brighter as she started telling me more about her life and the marriage she was in, a marriage that know one should be in it made me hurt and more determined to pull her and her son away from that all together, our time on the net started getting better and fun especially when we drifted into early morning hours, times on the net were good times and bad times, I always seemed to make the bad times she was having go away, every night was different meaning I always had something else different to say to her it was never the same this is how she was learning in her heart, lord above did she ever love it, and so did I for both of us knew that each of our hearts were intertwining to become one, this was truly one of a kind relationship that was building between us and we both knew that this doesn't just happen to any body we knew there was a helping hand it
could only have been the man up above our angel that has guided us together with his on special path with love, she never wanted to believe that something like this could really happen, as of me I wasn't going to back away I knew she was in trouble but at the time I couldn't really get the whole truth from her for she was that scared not knowing what would happen if the other part found out meaning husband I didn't want to play with fire but I chose to do so because I knew this was the right thing to do and she knew that to or she would had let me go in the beginning so this told me she wanted this to, but in her she didn't want to believe the inter heart that she had wouldn't let her go this far so I wrote her a poem and this is the poem, " My angels walk as do my angels talk my angels fly as do my angels cry my angels sing as do that bell I ring, angels don't fall they only rise to keep watch over us with there open eyes yes my angel walks my angel talks my angel flies my angel cries can never close an
angels eyes" I started writing these little things to her it became a habit I was writing quotes, stories, poems the more I wrote the
more she took in because she knew in all I was writing was only the truth she was really starting to believe my word, she was really starting to feel what I taught her as inter heart,
The forth month starts of us talking about everything that he could give me as well as my son, of making our lives new and for ever change, at this time being so confused in what my life has turned out to be at this time would I do right or wouldn't I , I
didn't really know at this time but he was sure trying to make me believe that it was the right thing to do, but at this time in my
life between him and my husband it was almost like tossing a coin in the air and seeing what way it turn heads or tails, I was closed up at this part in my life and didn't want to believe in love at all didn't want to believe that someone could really make thischange in me and my son as he wanted to do, do I jump for a better life as he was telling me it would be or do I stay with the man I married and be put threw so much hell that I had went threw for nine years what was the decision that I must take I didn't know, besides telling him I had to take this one day at a time he told me that my heart would let me know when that time was right that it was up to me to do that just listen and open up to what my heart told me and that would be my answer, I started going to church and looking for my answer but seemed like the answer wasn't coming to me in the way I wanted it to, I thought it would have came easy but I learned that life doesn't work that way pray and seek and you will find but at his time he will tell us but we have to be open about all to him as well, this is when we both told each other that we will wait for that answer, we keep up with the phone calls but I was always hiding them because I feared of what would happen to me if I were caught, I knew what would happen but he didn't, this kind of hurt and pain happened to me everyday I just couldn't tell him that, this is what held me back from everything and made me not believe in my self anymore, he seemed to know this but waited for me to tell him taking the kids to the movies out in the cold making phone calls at the pay phone just to get to hear his voice made all worth while, as far as I was concerned it made that much difference in my life to know that he was there to hear me , he gave me more courage everyday he was teaching me to stand up for my self and be the woman I was never had any body to show me or teach me the way he did and the way he does, Thanksgiving comes around and all though we are so many miles apart we still have it together as if he was right
around the corner by me calling him every time that my husband would leave the house, it was coming that strong between us, if the world only knew how hard this was to me to keep this a secret between me and him and not for any one else to find out, has to have been one of the hardest things anyone could do in there life but I chose to do it this way and I did it, each day that passed by I knew that my love for this man was getting more and more, when time came for me to go to bed and leave him we always used this special code which was 1 2 3 that way we could leave together but when we got to 3 it was hard for either of us to leave but once we did, we knew that we would be with each other threw out the night we would meet each other in our dreams, Morning came and he was there on my mind, know matter where I was threw out the day he was there with me teaching me guiding me threw out the day,
Fifth month comes about which is the month of December, my birthday was around the corner which was the tenth and his was the twelfth another thing about us two that caught our eye our birthdays, I will never forget it when he told me his was the twelfth, thought at first it was someone playing a joke on me that knew me, well any ways my birthday comes about and I had already sent him a present which was a necklace and a card with a little saying about love, hope, and faith, to me birthdays was just another day before I met him I looked at them as nothing and this was the first birthday that I felt really good about, he had changed my whole day by just saying the little words that he had always said to me from the beginning, someway some how he always could make my days brighter if I was sad, all I had to do was hear and talk to him and by the time we were finished I had forgot about why I was sad or just hurt, so our birthdays pass by, and Christmas is almost here hoping so bad at that time I was there with him spending this special day with him my heart wanted it so bad as did I, it was like the air I breathed was for him, Christmas morning comes and yes we spend it together we had our time with each other and then our time with our families but neither of us weren't happy enough just knowing we had to spend the holidays away from each other but it made us happy just getting to hear each others voices, at this time we are making plans of what we wanted in life, we even had plans of a child which we wanted a girl, and we had picked the name Chrissie Lee out that was going to be our little girls name, and yes we believed this with all of our hearts nothing could change
the way we felt about each other what was there was there, we always had time for each other know matter if it was two o'clock
in the morning we made that time with out each other we were lost I even caught my self so many times wanting to tell my mom about this man that I loved so much, she knew that my marriage was going down hill she seen what all I went threw at home and even her my mom told me so many times why do you let someone treat you so bad, and my excuse would be mom we have a child by each other, and she would always tell me I know but your happiness you deserve as well I knew this deep down, but I was so scared of my feelings scared to make a move and go on with my life, Christmas wasn't even joyful at home seemed like all went on was fighting and then bed time would come and I can remember going to sleep with tears praying for god to help me answer me show me the way, lead me in the right direction for me and my son, I wanted god to show me on what to do about my life , but seemed like days would go by and I would receive nothing I was giving up on my faith which I shouldn't have done, but every morning I would wait for my husband to leave and when he did I couldn't wait to either call this man or get on the internet to see where he was I would find him and when I did I was so safe from the world almost like he was holding me in his arms or being a shield that wouldn't let any one bother me, But as I can remember it Christmas night was special we had each other and the love we wanted was there, Christmas is gone by and the year is coming to an end the year that turned out to be so special to me, our plans together were to celebrate the coming of the new year on line, and know one was going to stop us from doing that and if you think about it how many people really do that not many of them I am sure, Yes we were and the best way to do that was to take it right from the top and I did just that , it went as perfect as anyone
could imagine 11.59 with 10.sec,s to go right to the strike of midnight we had did it , I could not have made it any better I hollered back at her on line we did it baby we did it , never in my life was I ever so happy to do something knowing that on the other end of that computer line she was just as happy you really can't describe that special moment in someone's life unless you have been there to do it yourself .Have you ever heard that old line try it you'll like it ? Well, we tried it , and we loved it. There is no
better way of bringing in a new year then the way we had done it. I remember I kept telling her that in no way could we be doing this alone we were being helped with and by that big man above our lords angel and that we have been blessed this far and will be forever in our lives together. So the new year is here and now were following it day by day, waking up to her little lines of hope, for that time
to come her wishing to make her life brighter, she told me that if things did not change in her and her child's life that she would be with me in April that's when I knew something was really wrong up there in what I come to call the hell hole she was living in and she so agreed to that as true, it was just that and she wanted out but she had to keep trying to make it work for the sake of her family and I told her that in 3 strikes he would be out and I would be in and she excepted my word to that she knew I was not going
to back down at any cost and I would be there in waiting . Everything I seem to do weather it be walking the beach, working, eating, playing my music , spending time with my daughter and my grandkids , she was always there in my thoughts and in my heart , my faith and love for this woman I only knew by voice and on line told me that in do time she would be my partner, my companion, my best friend, my love as my wife , all I had to do was let it happen, So here it is the first couple of days into January and my feelings for this man was strong I was confused and going threw a sickness that I had put my self into and lying to him, to make him think I was fine and in good health, but I didn't have the heart
to tell him the truth, so the truth finally comes out and he is very upset about what I had been doing to my self my whole self esteem was gone for my self, and we both make the decision that January the 16 I was flying to Florida to be with him and my son, at that time I say okay but deep in my mind I was scared to what would happen to make that move and what would my son think would he hate me for this I didn't know what to believe at this point but I knew deep down my heart wanted to be with this man, making
the move was the hardest part of all, how would I do it how would I begin, I didn't know, so days pass and my heart is so happy just thinking it would take four hours to meet this man that has helped me in so much and helped me over come my sickness that I had, in everyway he had helped me feel good about my self, So its Wednesday night I go to church and that following Friday I was to meet him in Tampa, but then again something tells me not to make the move just yet , I was setting in church that night and I
wanted a true answer should I or shouldn't I make this move so my heart tells me go home and talk to my husband about all was on my mind so I do so, at that point I am so scared but I make the move to tell him all, so I begin telling him what he was doing to me and our son and that if he didn't change then I was leaving, he promises me nothing but lies but at that point I think he is true about all he is telling me, I wanted to get on line so bad to tell this man that is waiting on me but at that point my husband tells
me I was know longer aloud to get on the computer any more my heart falls to the floor, I don't know what to do I have to talk to this man that I love so much, so that night I go to sleep crying not knowing what to do, what to tell this man or how I was going to get to tell him, this next day comes and I am made to get on line and do nothing but lie to him but I throw in words that he knows isn't mine and hoping he would catch on to what I was saying, and deep in my heart I know he does, but as soon as I got the
chance to call him I did, and this man was there waiting for my call, we both are so happy were in tears just to get to hear each other's voice made a big difference in it all, I tell him I was forced to write what I did by my husband that I didn't want to but he had made me, and he answered back I knew that wasn't your words, January slowly goes by day by day he would tease me, he would tell me that I would be there with him by valentines day I would always reply know way to soon, each night he would tell me
this , its meant to be this will happen I knew in my heart that something had to come out of this but I didn't know what, so my husband never did change didn't keep his promises if anything he got worse with his drugs and his attitude, throwing things at me cursing me staying on to of anything he could find, that s when I knew it was over, my boy and I were going to have a better life with the man I cared so much about and loved me for who I was, and was going to take my son and I under his wings as his own,
everyday seemed to get worse by the minuet, income taxes come and I didn't get any thing from them he took it all and used all of it on drugs and didn't think about me nor my son, seemed like the month of January was going bad I was getting sick again from starving myself losing weight fast, the time comes to were I did eat and I couldn't keep it down how was I to over come this sickness I had, and lying to this man that held the key to my heart was about the hardest thing I could do, here I have someone
miles away from me that loves me and cares for not only me but my son as well and wants us in his life as we were his family, and I wanted that more than anything I wanted my son a better life but this scariness I have for my husband I just couldn't get it out of me scared to talk, or was I wearing the right clothes, was I laughing to loud with my son, always scared of making him mad was enough on me besides trying to find away to be with this man that promised me the moon if he could get it for me, and I knew deep
down that this man wasn't lying of all he would give me and my son I new there was truth in his heart and his word because he had not failed me yet and I knew he never would, but how was I to make this move that I wanted, at this point I go to talk to my church and they are welling to help me with all they could just to get my son and I out of this home that wasn't good for neither of us they were welling to take that extra step to help me with all they could, at this point I start praying to the lord to show me signs
show me what I must do and I wanted and wanted for those signs, and seemed like one day I woke up and all started hitting me right in the face sign after sign I seen, I seen my husband taking drugs spending all the money we had on his habit he had and I knew that these was the signs that I had prayed so much to see, they hurt to see but all started being played out like a deck of cards it was like a puzzle being put together the answers were there and they were all opening up now right in front of me, and at this point in
my life I know the angels have had a hand in bringing us together knowing that a friendship like ours was simply meant to be, but it was more than a friend to friend thing it was almost like being married to him but looking at it in a way that he was just on a trip and at the end I always new he would be there for my son and I, would always look back over the months we had talked and shared so much of our lives with and I would try to find the words that he said or the poems he wrote me to see or understand what had happen here between us why were we pulled together the way we were, it could only be meant to be we both agreed on this so many times, here we were sharing our nights our days together as if we were arm and arm with each other trying to make each other feel that we were together with each passing minute but sometimes yes it did get old because there were times that we just wanted to hold each other and cry and love each other the way it should be and not by our computer's I remember one night I was wanting to hear his voice so bad and as with him he wanted to hear me as well I couldn't get the chance to call him from home so I make up this big excuse that I needed to go down my moms house at 10:00pm so I do, go to call him were both so happy to hear each others voice but at that moment mom knows something is up, but all alone she always told me she wished I would get out of the mess I was in always trying to get me and my son to come live with her, or get up the courage to get out at least, it comes to the point to where I tell her about this man she doesn't like the idea or at least she tells me she don't but deep down inside I know she does but for her telling me would come in a way that I don't even know about at this time,
February comes rolling in and knowing that with all the trouble and pain that she was going threw my time to make my move was there and I wasn't going to turn back I told her it was time to make that choice before her life was really to go down hill and she told me that was fine she had enough hurt and that it was time to leave she said the twelfth would be the day, the reason was that she wanted her son to have his eighth birthday with his grandparents before she would make her dream of that new life come
true. All of a sudden I want to change the date to the twenty second to keep anyone from knowing about it, I talk this over with my church and they had planed to take me to Knoxville airport but I knew my son had the fear of fling so that's when he decides to drive up and get me from Knoxville, which would take time so I had to leave earlier, I choice the sixth, I go to church and talk it over with them and the plans are set as of February sixth to meet him in Knoxville so he had to leave the fifth early that morning and my
son wasn't going to have his birthday in Harlan as of now, this hurt me a little bit but I knew I had to do what I had to do, to make his life as well as mine the best its ever been, and from here on out I knew our lives would never be the same, they were going to be better he told me he would be spending valentines day with me and at that point I believed him I was going to spend that day with him, that day was soon approaching up on us and he tells me to wipe out and delete all that was on my computer leave know trail
behind to were my husband could get a hold of anything, and I did my last contact with him on the computer he told me good luck he was on his way he would see me on the morning of the sixth, so that morning comes I have two close friends of mine from church picking me up at my sons school, all I had with me were two bags and my son his own bag, my son didn't know at the time anything if what was going to be, so my friends come to the school and pick us up to take us to Knoxville to meet this man that
means so much to me , as were driving to there I call him two times to see where he is, he tells me he is in a white ford tarsus, so we get to the point were we are to meet at a place called the American steak house as setting in the parking lot I don't think I had ever seen so many white cars in my life but I see one white car turning of into the parking lot and at this point I know this is him my heart had never felt so happy in so long, as it did when I see him getting out of this car, we switch my bags from one car to the
other and off I am with the man that had talked and had been there for six months of my life and had showed me and my son more love than we had ever had, we stop to
eat at this little dinner when all of a sudden my sons throws one of these tantrums and wants to go home I am stuck not knowing what to do about this, but Ed talks to him and explains all to him and from there on out all changes things start to look so much
better and our love that we have for each other takes over us it seems like it takes forever for the three of us as my bond with her and the little man I will come to know as my son to reach that new place that we together will call home I catch myself sometimes laughing at what has happen to me for it all came down to faith in thee above because it does work when you want a change in your
life all you have to do is ask and believe and it will come true, it surly has come true for me and I thank you lord for lending me your helping hand.
As he said we are both happy with our lives and how all turned out to be, he is my heart my friend and someone that I would be lost to death if I didn't have him in my life now I cant imagine not having him in my life, my son loves him and they get along great which it has took some time for my son to except us as we are but day by day that passes by he sees how happy his mom is and he takes that in, with all the hurt a sadness I had in my life seven months ago I never imagined my life could be filled with so much care as it is now, its amazing how things have worked out a month ago I was ready to give up all I had, give up on life and that meant giving up on my son as well, but I never thought that I would ever find my way out of the dark hole I was in and that's the way I felt all the time I begged for help or cried out just for someone to hear me and help me or just be my friend, and then this special man comes into my life and helps me and my son escape the pain and sadness that we both had and takes us in as his
own and loves us just as much as he does any one else, a big step he took as taking us both on and being a father to my son that really never had a father to do things with him and even share his thoughts with, well now he has that and every time I see them together and sharing what there day has been, it brings a tear to my eye just to see my son finally have that man in his life and not just mom, I thank the lord as well as he does for all he has done and all the angels that helped us both not give up of something we
believed would happen as it did,
So here it is March and were together and still happy as we could ever imagine taking life as its gave to us, our love only grows with each passing day, and for us were trying to have our little Chrissie as we had talked about months ago, I would have never believed life could be as it is today, the darkness that I once had is gone and the sun shines brighter for my son and I as well as the man I love, he took me away and gave me something far beyond just being happy he gave me life again, took away all the hurt I had
in me, he is always by my side and I know if I am feeling down he will always say those special words to me as he always have, my parents are happy of the move I have made for me and my son they know I am happy and know that I did right by making the move I did, sure I am miles away from them but they know as well as I do that I am there by love and spirit and I haven't gone a day without calling them, but as for me and my son were both happy and we feel the love that is given to us, if I hadn't made the
change I did today I wouldn't know were I would be or what would be going on in my life today, it took me a while to get use to the fact of someone loving me as I do them because I was always given the love and never receiving it back but now I give it and receive it, for so long I was scared of the word love but this man showed me that everyone isn't mean and cruel that there are people out there that care and can give you the love that you need and that's exactly what he done all the years I spent in hell sometimes I wonder was it meant to be that way, because at one time in my life I thought all people were good, but from this I not only found out that people do care I learnt that what ever happens in life there are ways out, and that there is an angel out there that can help you and that's just what I found, I will always believe that this man was sent to me by god and the angels in heaven helped us both out, and showed us what we had to do, we had that faith and never gave up in what we wanted and all our dreams we
talked about and all the words we spoke to each other are planned in our hearts like a plant that grows beside the waters they never die because they always have what they need and now I can say I have all I will ever need in love, caring, faith, a campaign I know that this man will never lead me wrong and watch over my son and I, for all the days we talked and so many hours we spent talking, all the laughing and crying we did together I thank god for each and everyone of them, I've heard so many people say we get
trouble and trials to learn from them and I use to think how can you learn from your mistakes, but now I look back at those words and I do believe them we do learn from them nothing never happiness with out a cause and this is what had happen here god sent me this man and I learned so much from him that life is just more than waking up and doing the same routine everyday get out and explore the world, live life as its your last day here on earth and love what you have not because you have it but because you were
given a chance at it, and ever who said there not angels out there I don't believe that because they are, my angel talks to me sleeps with me, walks by my side and never leaves me alone, and to this I call him my husband that we will soon be come June the fifteenth on fathers day as well as his daughters birthday for my love only grows stronger for him and he is the best father to my son and soon will have a child that was made from the both of us, I look at life in a different way now when morning comes and he is
laying along beside me its like he is my strength to go on with each passing day he gives me hope to go on and makes me happy for what I done, he is my sunshine my rainbow with each word that we speak to each other only makes our life brighter, six months ago I would have never thought that my life as well as my sons life would have came to a change as it is today but all is for the better even though I lost two sisters of doing what I had to do doesn't change a thing about the way I feel for this man, so don't
never say never and never think that you can never escape a abusive life or marriage because you can I did and was so sacred but once I left that house I was so relieved and I left my pain behind sure I still think back to what my life was for nine years, but I have to over come that and start out a new life
to make my son happy as well, and to all of this I thank the angels that helped me over come the scariness I had within my self and thank them for the new life me and my son has now it could never be better each morning of my life now is different I don't have to worry about waking up and knowing how my day is going to be, I know now each day will be as bright as the sun that shines down on the waters, for all this my angels still stand with me guides me to were I need to be and gives me the joy that I need for
each passing day, I opened my ears up my heart up and I was given a whole new life for my son and I we do have a new life, I will always know that it was meant to be this way and love the man that my angels help me get to for caring and his loving thoughts that he always gave me, and love me for who I am. Our love was patient, it was and still is kind, it don't envy it wasn't proud, it wasn't rude, it wasn't self seeking, it wasn't easily angered, it kelp no records of anger, it keep no record wrong. The
love we had didn't delight in evil but rejoiced with the truth, it always protected us, they were always trust, always hope. Always persevered, love never failed neither of us, and now these three remain of us faith, hope and love, but the greatest of all of these we had and still does do have is love, and this is how a loving couple should treat each other love is the main thing that all couples should have and that's what we do have for each other is love, nothing nor know one can take that away from us, for all the trouble and all the pain that we both have had in these seven months I think we deserve all the happiness we can get, and all the love we also can get , each day that passes by we always think our angels for all the work and all the days that they helped us over come, have truly done there work for us. Having almost traveled twelve hundred miles to make both of our dreams really come true and to take away any doubts in anyone's minds that something so magical could ever happen to her or I or anyone for that
matter is the gift of a life time that we both wish everyone had at least one time to experience but to challenge the odds and win is what its a about and when you do win its only with that special help that extra something , that we both tried to figure out but at the end we see our lives as one and what ever comes we together will fix all the trouble that life throws at us, we will work as we have from the beginning and like we have since I have been with him, sure life throws problems at us all but the thing to do is talk things out and work as if we have a life time, but of all we love each other more everyday we share our thoughts with each other and our problems are worked out together not as one but as a couple that we are and will be, only more good can come out of this fascinating relationship which it can only be, god grants these special relationships far and few between I guess we must be one of the few that's out there what a honor to be blessed with this event, miracles do happen to those who believe but with that you have to have also faith ,hope, and surly lots of love, or nothing like this could have never happened, its amazing what computers can do, bring two people together as it has us can only be faith we believed it then and we believe it now, to make things work as they have is another thing to have it happen is another thing but out of all of this we have each other my son and the baby that we will have, the man I will soon marry the blessings that my parents have gave to this man, for taking me and my son from what he did he
has all of there love, my family has took him in as one of there own, for now things look great just as planned for us and our family soon to be, for his family also took me and my son on as we were always in there family they show all there love to us both, and for me being a mother and a grandmother to his daughter and his grand children, and for him being a father to mine has only made things in our lives that much more special, my son now has a sister that he never thought he would have and looks up to her as if
she was his big sister all along, for so many hills that I had climbed threw out my life and never seem to reach the top with out trouble, he knocked down those hills to were I could see what lied on the other side he opened all that was in me that was there for so long but never could find its way out, all the bad things are gone and filled with happiness I now look at life as a gift and not another day, the air I breath is so much better, I don't see those mountains anymore I see flat land and sunny beaches, the air
is clear the sun so bright, the sunset is so beautiful, but of all of this there is love that I long for so long and never could get, at one time I didn't think I would ever find that love that I longed for so long, but all the words we spoke and all the wonderful days we spent on the computer we will never forget about we hold them so dear and close to our hearts, that's why we wish to share this festinating and true story of real faith of real hope of real love, that we share as one, that others we hope will read with reason and
understanding anything can happen in life if you out your heart to it and this is how it all came a bought if it wasn't for a story that we both chose to look into, of all things a chat line, my name was hope angel eyes his name was Sunday rain and those names we can never forget, but with each passing day that we talked we read our horoscope and they came out as we were living our lives day by day, he taught me how to read the stars and the way I taught her was to show her that the inter heart of our souls revolves
around those stars there your everyday way of living and that there's nothing false about them this goes back to the beginning of time its self when all they had were the stars in the heavens to make there day go by, they studied them they watch them , in a way the stars told each of us how to live right not wrong in this world we call earth. If you look at the blind side of your self and ask where's everyone well when times get rough and it seems your life feels hopeless and yet you pick yourself up and put the
pieces back together yet your still alone in the dark because your star isn't shining , you just want to scream out but there's no one there to hear you or listen and then you say to yourself can I walk that extra mile will I find what im looking for, can I find that road that everyone wishes to travel down, maybe so maybe not that choice in your life has to be yours and no one else'sfor you want all the goods inside to be right at your feet well that won't happen as easy as said if it were that way this world surly would have ended a long time ago. For Gracie and Ed we both knew the risk we both knew the truth that would come out of all of this, but for the best of all reason's we took on that challenge weather it was wrong but in our lords eyes it was right and we both knew it in our hearts to make it and let it happen yes we will have our hard times , but we will have our good times and many of them more to come only because we come to believe in each others hearts souls and minds and that it only came by way of our feelings
and the true answers to both
Our angels answers.
|The Love Of My Son
Gracie Bargo Harmon
2003 by Gracie Bargo Harmon
My son is now eight years old, he is my little man we have been threw bad times and good together but know matter how hard times have got for me and him he always new the words to bring a smile to my face, i watch him sleep at night and thank God i have such a loving and understanding son, sure he is a kid he has his days were he is so mean but under all i know what the in side of him shows, i am just like other mothers when it comes to there kids they are your life your rainbow, and when there skies are gray yours is also,
I have recently remarried to a wonderful man i was worried at first what my son might think about him but at the beginning they were friends, my son took the ideal like a little man, he just didn't want mommy making a mistake and him being eight years old he talked to me about marring this man looking over me as a little adult, but the wedding went on June the fifteenth of this year and he walked proud and happy to be his stepson, as a mother its hard to make decisions for you and your children but we do and sometimes its not the best but we all learn from our mistakes, when they happen, but as a mother of my son i am proud to be,
On May the twenty third i found out i was pregnet at first it scared me what will i tell my son how can i tell him, what will he think of me and me not married yet but he new i was going to, all sorts of things were going threw my head i was scared to tell you the truth would he hate me we he be happy on the way home i thought of everything of how i could tell him, i stopped and got him a happy meal at McDonnell's and still at this point i wasn't for sure of how the words were going to come out, i pull in to the drive way get out and walk into the house were he is he comes to me and asks well mom what did the doctor say i "well bud Mom is going to have a baby " i just spelled my words right out i showed him a picture of what the baby looked like at that time and he looks at me with the prettiest smile that he could ever give me, it was a big relieve off my shoulders and now i am three months and my son is as happy as he could e about it all, but to see my son happy the way he is and his laugh he gives me each and every morning makes my day, for so many times we have had our little words with each other, its always learnt us both something about life, and with my new baby i hope to be just a better Mom with it as i have been with my son for each and every good word and all the love you show to your kids pays off and then you finally see your self in them, but i am a proud wife and a very proud mother with my second child on the way...
2003 by Gracie Bargo
Then one day I was setting feeling so helpless when that angle appeared in my life I didn't know it at the time because to me having a angel meant nothing but as days went on and even weeks I caught myself opening up to the person telling them of my life sharing good things and bad, it was like I could tell my whole life story to them and they would come back with answers that I needed for so long, to me I didn't know what to think was this a game what was it, I went threw my whole life and felt a emptiness and know I didn't feel that anymore I felt so whole but what could I offer this person that helped me nothing, but my love that's all I had so I gave it and they gave me there's in return it felt like I was a new person, they were there when I needed someone the most they listened to my problems and gave answers back,
Now weeks had
went on I was feeling on top the world like I had know problems in my life,
just put it this way I didn't think about problems even though they was,
it was like they wasn't I paid know attention to them because this person
always told me why worry why get your self so down, on things that you
cant help, even before this person cam e in to my life I was feeling so
bad about my self always putting what I did down I just gave up on my self
and my life, they taught me to be me not to live for what someone else
wants you to be and that's what I was doing trying to be someone that I
wasn't and they taught to stand up look the world in the eye and tell them
who you are, put that smile on your face not for someone else but for you,
and when you laugh don't let it be fake let be real, because there know
one on this earth that's better than you, this person showed me what life
was they opened me up when I was trapped for so long, they put that back
in me and that's what I call a angel, when someone feeds you and helps
you threw all your bad times and always can find away to left you up and
make you feel as good as this person did that's your angel, and today my
life is great just because a few words that was spoke to me from my angel
lifted me so great and opened my eyes and made me see the real me and gave
me nothing but there love and showed me they are life out there you just
have to seek and look and listen and all those roads that seem closed they
will open and from there on out your life will have a different meaning
to it just because of that special angel that you looked so long for came
in to your life, and as long as I live that angel will always be with me
threw my life, it will never leave me because when I found it I found a
friend for life, and now I know when I have that problem or just sadness
that bothers me I can always look ahead on that person and they will give
me a answer because they have the first time yet of leaving me alone, and
I love this angel very much I hold them dear in my heart and nothing can
take that away from me as long as I live.
2003 by Gracie Bargo
I have seen kids that are so hurt over there parents of being addicted to drugs that they are a shamed of them, people that are addicted they take all they can, they steal they take what ever they can to seal and to get that one high that they are looking for, they don't care for others or about what you think of them all they think about is were they are going to get that high for that day,
They turn against there kids there family and all they do this for is to get their hands on this one pill, they never think about tomorrow or anything else, they just care about that one minute when there sniffing the pill or shooting it up in there arms while there child is watching them around the corner and asking god why, blaming god for there parents turning out this way, I have seen so many families go threw this that my self I can't understand why people just can't enjoy life as god gives it to us, I will never understand what people get out of being high everyday of there lives and running of from there families and not caring about if they are food on the table or shoes on there children's feet, they never care about how there children is doing in school, never go to a ball game with there child,
So finally the child grows up and that's all they know to do also because they seen mommy and daddy do it so nothings wrong with it in there eyes, we as parents have to wake up our kids are the future and if we don't raise them up the way we should they will never be nothing, you hear about it everyday on the news that someone has took a over does and died because of these addictions that more and more is falling in to it don't have to be like this, I know they are some out there reading this and saying sure once your on it your on it but that's not true sent your mind that you want to stop and help your self and we all have a friend that will help us threw our hardest times but he have to show him first that we want to stop what we are doing, and things can change with out a doubt, I know some of you are reading this and saying its easier said then done, yes its hard to but I know by washing a very close person to me that it can be done not by your self but by the grace of god it can,
In Corinthians 13:13
it talks about faith, hope and love but the greatest of these is love and
if we have that then we have all we ever need to escape from these addictions
that's in our homes today you can accomplish anything if you have the gift
of love, I once was told that a drug is like the devil it controls all
your thoughts and all you do it makes you do things that you would never
do not in a life time, and mothers that takes drugs when they are pregnant
just think of what your going to put this child threw that wasn't even
asked to be brought in to this world to a parent that can't take care of
them selves I think its sick and it makes me so mad to see these little
babies born in to the world with problems that they will have to live with
for the rest of there lives because there parents were to stupid and didn't
care at the moment they we doing there pill to think about what it was
doing to this child that's in them, people wake up this is life enjoy it
don't throw it away to something that is no good, and to something that
is going to control you as long as you will let it, look at your life and
thank god for it look around and see what these drugs have done to so many
families before you touch one and look at the little children's that are
threw away and not knowing what to do, ask for help and you will receive
it seek and you will find it knock and it will be opened for you.
|Sisters But Not By
© Copyright 2002 by Gracie Bargo
I became Marys aunt in 1994 we became very close as soon as we meet she
was six and I was 15, we had our times when we had our differences
and all though we loved each other, we fell apart we could not communicate
with each other we didnt see eye to eye on things at all we were like
to sisters fighting, seemed like everything I did Mary didnt seem to like
me at all, she always did things that she new would make me mad, sure she
was still a child but still I tried every thing to get her to like me but
no matter what I did she would just hate me that much more,
As years went on we had rough times things were good for a while and then in know time things went bad, I was even the first person to take her to her first day in school she cried and begged me to stay, even after that day she still could not like me for who I was, I tried so hard to be her mom her friend and her aunt all at the same time but for some reason I could not get close to her, it was like she was scared or didnt want me to love her but no matter how she felt I loved her and that was all it was,
Days went by she was growing into a young lady and seemed like she was starting to come to me for answers, but seemed I would give my advice and she would do the opposite from what I told her, I was the one taking her to school, going to her cheerleading games just doing all I possibly could do to make her like me,
Although Mary had a big sister named Samantha we were close from day one she was like a child that I never had, I think we were so close because she was so much like me in so many ways, we tried to let Mary do things with us it would last for a hour or two and then Mary would get mad go home and the next day she was so hateful at us what could I do I thought to my self to make this child that I love so much love me back,
Years went on that way Samantha and I was like sisters always trying to get Mary to join in the fun with us but she wouldnt, we kelp drifting farther and farther apart and at this point I was giving up on trying to make her love me for who I was and to try a make her understand that I wasnt trying to take her mothers place I just wanted to be her aunt, and know matter how long it took me to get her to love me I was welling to try for a life time if it took that,
The year 2002 came alone Samantha was wanting to live with her mother and so she did sure Mary and Samantha didnt get alone very well but it broke Marys heart to see her sister leave her alone, but at this time in mine and Marys life we finally started agreeing on so much we even caught our selves laughing together and seemed like all those years that we couldnt even have a laugh it was catching up with us we started being like to friends, we still had our rough times at disagreeing with each other but as time went on we figured out how to work things out together besides being alone we were working together as one,
Seems like know we are the best of friends, all this time that we was apart I figured out Mary didnt want me to be her aunt but she wanted me to be her sister, and to be the one she could come to, lean on when times got rough, and thats all I wanted to be for her to but we couldnt see eye to eye on what we both wanted,
We are friends we are sisters, we are there for each other when one is felling down the other has a shoulder to cry on, and know when you see one you see the other we are not apart know longer but together, know Mary is fourteen and I am twenty three but like some young teenagers they would not like having there aunt tagging alone, but Mary does not think of me as her aunt but as her sister, when me and my son goes out she is with us and were like one best friends hanging out, our day starts with a laugh and ends with a laugh so this goes to show us all never give up on someone just because you cant get their love right then and there never give up on what you want because in the end it will all come together.
|Angels Among Us
2002 by Gracie Bargo
|Life Is A Highway
Gracie Bargo with Donald
2002 by Gracie Bargo
Life goes bye so fast its like driving down a long and lonely road, sometimes
we all dont know what to do life throws things at us that we must face
we cant ignore, we have to decide what the choice is for our selves to
take, they are problems in everyday life that we have and that we and only
we have to make decisions for, some times for the better,
Going threw life is hard but we all have to press on and do what our hearts tell us, your heart will not lye if we lesion to what it has to say we learn a lot, but sometimes we seem to want to ignore what our hearts tell us and we go on and do our own thing instead of following our heart, and then at the end when its to late we wished we had made that right choice, sometimes threw life its hard to lesion to what our heart tells us but I have learnt in life that we must, even though it seems like it may be the wrong choice at the time its not,
We all have angels among us each and everyone of us we may not see it or feel it but its there and all we have to do is follow our heart and it will lead us in the right direction, we all have anger and some of us keep it bundled up in us for so long that finally we get tired of holding our feelings in and we let it out we feel so much better, all of us deserve to be happy and thats what we should do, have a laugh it feels so good, dont let your selves be unhappy life is to short not to have what you want in life,
Unexpected changes do come, they may be hard to understand at first but all will make sense in the end, and we are not to question our selves why or why not that this has happened to us we go on and hold our head up high live life as it is given to us, dont question it,
You know sometimes we feel like we have covered so much ground in life and we have, we feel like sometimes the roads get longer threw life and theres know way out but they are we close our selves off to everyone, but if we get out and talk and tell people what we feel and what life has gave us it takes so much from your shoulders and you feel like you could fly, the birds in the sky has no worries of tomorrow and we should be the same take one day at a time and we all are sure to see that they are life out there,
My granny use to tell us kids that if you write a letter and everything is going well for you emotionally, in other words set down if you have know one to talk to and write about your life, write what you feel down and things will go good for you, I even took that advice myself and it helps me just to know that I am not holding all the hurt and all the anger in helps me threw life, I use to see a rainbow and wonder were the end was so I could get the pot of gold from it but know I think this way a rainbow is good luck even if you dont find the pot of gold at the end of it, it tells me that they are roads out there that never stop and hills so tall almost looks like they touch heaven and threw our lifes we all must seek and look for our answers and they lay in our hearts if we just look hard enough we will find what we are looking for threw this life that we have.
2002 by Gracie Bargo
|Double First Cousins
2002 by Gracie Bargo
Summer of nintyfour i married this man that had a twin brother me and my husband hadn't been married but about a year when my older sister married his brother and things did seem weird at this time here are two sisters that could not stand each other growing up and know we go and marry twin brothers, boy was this talk of the community two sisters marring twins and what was going to happen know, which at this time i was pregent and i wasn't feeling to good at the ideal of my sister marring my brother in law,
So on a cold Feb. night at 7:15 i go in the hospital to have my child he was a seven pound twelve ounce baby boy, seemed like everything was changing so fast for me here i was a married woman and a mother and all this had happened in a years time but looking at my son i would not change none of it for nothing in this world, after coming home with my son i got depressed i was still in school i was only fiftenn and i had alot of growing up to do, and that is what i plained on doing, and thats just what i did i grew up at the age of fifteen and was a wife and was feeling like a hole new person, and i was in every way, things were so diffiernt for me, well it was just my life know had changed so fast a littl eto fast but as a mother and a wife i done my best and gave it all i had in me to be the best mom and wife taht i could be, sure being a mom was hard at fifteen but i think i done a very good job at what i had to do,
Know time had passed on things couldn't have been any better my son was growing up right in front of my eyes he wasn't no little baby any more and I was loving mother hood so much, just watching this child play and learn things in life i was above the world as you can call it, At this time my sister finds out that she is going to have a baby also things were changing everyday for not only me but for the whole family,
April of two thousand was here and my son was playing little lead basket ball he was only five at this time, he had a game one night and my sister was going to go with us but she didn't feel to good so she decided to stay home, so thats what she did, the game was over we came home and my husband had told me that my sisters water had broken she was only seven and a half months pregnet also, we were all scared at this point, her husband calls and tells us that they are taking her to uk hospital to have the baby because its to early for her to have this baby and that things could go wrong, we are all praying and worried to dealth that something is going to be wrong with this child, that night i don't think that none of us sleep any my husband had went to knoxville with his brother were my sister had to go, the next moring rolls around and my husband calls and tells us taht she has had a boy and he was so little but all was ok, she stayed in the hosptial with him for four days, i could not wait to see this baby boy i was so excited about them coming home i danced around the house all day couldn't wait any longer i had waited for four days and i was ready to see this baby, so that night came and they had finilly got home with him i could not belive my eyes how small he was, he only weighed 5 pounds 9 ounces boy was he small, he was adourable a very perfect baby also all was ok,
Time passed on and
my son and my sisters boy they were growing up so fast right before our
eyes they were like brothers them selves, well they were as close as brothers
could be they were doulbe first cousens, they even fault like brothers
but they love each other more than anything me and my sister had our hands
full, boy are they a hand full they fight all the time and we are constanly
begging and pledding to them not to fight we can not let them be together
by them selves because we are scared of what they might do to each other,
and times that me and my sister are out by our selves with each other we
laugh at what they do but we can't let them know that we laugh at them
or what they do,
seems like they are so mean and the other one gets jelious of the other one or they get mad because one has somthing that the other one don't have,
But nothing else in
this world could make us both as happy as these two boys do they have gave
us something to live for and to go on with life they bring us joy each
passing day and not a moment goes by that one of them isn't learning new
things in this life.
2002 by Gracie Bargo
|The Will To Live
2002 by Gracie Bargo
2002 by Gracie Bargo
As a child growing up in Harlan times were rough, worrying about what other
kids thought of you because of your cloths that you whore, walking down
that long hall way in school you could feel eyes allover you hearing people
talk about you and laughing at you. But in my mind the words came back
to many so many times that my grandmother use to tell us kids no matter
who you are or what you are they are no one that is better than you and
these words kelp me going on threw life, so I would hold my head up high
and paid know attention to these words.
Living in Harlan County has really showed me what life is about, sure jobs were short growing up here but it made us respect things more and showed us how to love and share and be kind to people. We had gardens in the summer and worked in them and what fun that was, picking the green beans off there lines, putting them in baskets taking them to momma and knowing that she would have the best supper ever that night thats really what we kelp in our minds, and when it came time to shuck the corn we really enjoyed that.
Seemed like everyone enjoyed life so much better then, people handing a hand helping you in so many ways, parents didnt have to worry about letting there children go out side and play, Because they knew everyone you didnt hear about people trying to pick your kids up and taking them off if anything they washed your kids,
Sure a lot people say what do you see in Harlan theres nothing there but they really are we have love and we know what hard times are really about and that has taught me to be a better person to respect and to work for what I get.
I remember growing up here and yes I wished so much as a child of waiting to get out of here and couldnt wait tell I was out of school and just pack my things up and get out of here, Im twenty three know and wouldnt trade my life for nothing and still today theres not much here in Harlan, the only thing really to do here is to work in the coal mines, unless you do have a degree of some sort, which know the coal mines is not booming that much at this time we still find ways of making a living here.
I know a lot of people think that Harlan is a poor county but its not we have morels and values and people help one another and we pull together know matter what happens, sure we all get aggravated at times but we have learnt to go on and live life for today and not worry about tomorrow live today as its your last day because we are not promised tomorrow.
Church was one of the most important things to do here on Sunday mornings as growing up if we didnt go then rest of the week we had to stay home and help which we all had chores to do but, like on Fridays nights if we didnt go to church on Sunday morning then moves was out of the question and we knew not to ask to go, I raised in church and today I have my own child and he is in church also every Sunday morning, I also teach him the morels that I was raised with .
I am a better person today because of Harlan and I thank god I live here it has taught me to be a better person I am out going and loves to meet knew people I am learning more things everyday as life goes bye,
The mountains here are also one of the most beautiful places that we have the pleasure of getting to walk in the hills are as pleasuring as can get its a pleasure to me just to straw threw the valleys here, when times get hard and seems like the day cant go on I take a walk and just admiring the trees and the beauty that god has gave to us all in Harlan, the wonderful thing about it all is Harlan is surrounded by mountains and its a refresh to me to know that we have what we got here and to know that farmers lived here and still does. And that at one time wagons roamed the land that we know drive cars on,
I look back know at all the times I said I was leaving from here and laugh they are know way that I would leave my home that I had so much fun in as growing up here so many memories that I keep in my mind of when I was a child and a place in my heart that I can call home that I would never think twice of leaving behind, and all those laughs that I heard behind my back in school I thank those people know because for them it has brought the good out in me, know matter how many tears I left school crying back then everyone of those are like in a jar and can never be released because if I let go of them I let go of what I am.
|As A Child Growing
2002 by Gracie Bargo
I was born in Harlan County December tenth of 1978 as the fourth child
to Betty, Sonny, here I am the third daughter they had and one son, growing
up being the baby of the family wasn't to much fun seemed like the others
constantly found a reason to pick on me, my other two sisters and I didn't
get alone to good at all but my brother he always stuck up for me he was
always on my side growing up, sure we had our good times but as I can remember
they were more bad than good, they all ways would say I got my way with
everything but not true I had my share of whippings also, but for some
reason my sisters couldn't see me as being there sister though.
So as time went own seems like things was just getting worse for me will I thought so anyway, But being the baby of two sisters and one brother maybe I did want everything to go there way it was really my way or I wasn't going to play at with them, so after a while they would do it my way, and I just ate that up and yes if I have to say so my self I was a brat.
Well times were changing we was older and still fighting a lot seems like us being in our teens things was hitting up, I was stuck at home the others going out with boys and here I am not old enough to go out, I was feeling left out of everything, mom and dad would tell me though you will have your turn Gracie, but still that was no good for me, when my sisters would get home all I would do was pick on them and then I would end up getting my hair pulled by them or running to the bathroom and locking the door so they wouldn't get me and I would actually set in the bathroom and laugh boy I look back on that and laugh.
Here I am know old enough to start talking to boys myself and I thought all right its my turn know but for some reason I didn't want no one but I would go to the movies and come home go to my room and had a journal that I wrote everything in my whole life would go into this book and it was like all my hopes and dreams was in this book that I kelp so dear to my heart I mean that everything happened to me went into this book my dreams that I would have and just what the day would bring,
I am fourteen know and I had meet some boys but I just couldn't find myself getting to like just one, I have always growing up just like meeting people and talking and just sharing my thoughts and dreams with them I couldn't understand here I am I can talk know to boys but I donut want to, and how jealous I would be of my sisters when I was smaller I took it as a laugh and pushed it a side, all growing up in school I was a cheerleader and as my sisters would call me miss perfect and boy would that make me mad but o well I learnt to live with it.
Ok here my oldest sister has feel in love and soon to be married, I didn't like that one bet me and her boyfriend didn't get alone at all, I always found ways to really make him made at me, October rolls around and they have this big church wedding and I am crying my big sis is leaving me and all those memories of us growing up they just keep coming in my mind one after another and those tears that are coming from my eyes some to be happy tears seems like all our life all we did was fight and fuss and to me it felt like we had just threw our sister hood away by being jealous of one other, and at this time I am happy for her and for the first time I look at her and tell her I love her and all those little fuses we had growing up just mad us love each other more.
So time pass on she moves away to Tenn. and all that was left was my other sister and brother and me and for some strange reason my other sister and I was doing things together we had our fuses but not as much, she had her friends and I again would get jealous of her friends because she wasn't spending the time with me, I felt alone it was like I was in a dark hole and looking to find a friend and they wasn't there and at this time I knew that I had to change I had to get out, I had to meet people and open up.
So years and days went bye I had found me someone I really loved I was fifteen and he was thirty four, my sister didn't like that ideal at all but we soon get married, and my husband has a twin brother and a year after we are married, my sister and his brother gets married oh did that make me mad, here we was enemies growing up and know we are married to twin brothers it felt so strange, and seemed like the older we got the more of best friends we came we looked back at all those fuses and laugh at each other, my older sister that lives in Tenn. we are sisters and best friends never dreamed that we would be this close in life, and brother is married has his own family and we are all doing so good we love each other very much were always there for each other know matter how many miles we live from one another were there know matter what.
So today our parents are proud grand parents of four grand children and two step grand children we are as close as we can be and love each other very much, sure we look back all of us do and laugh at the pass and even sometimes cry over the stupid stuff we done as growing up but all four of us has came to the conclusion that we were children and children does some pretty nasty things, but I have to say it has brought us closer and never in a million years would I have thought that we would be like we are today,
Life is good for us all four we married people that we really love and we have children of our own know, we can see us in them to we set at moms and she will say my grand baby's put me back to were you all was little. We all love life today and enjoys being around each other cant wait for week ends so we can spend them with each other.
2002 by Gracie Bargo
Then on a cold day in January ,This man that my dad knew all his life came to my house and told on me for sitting with other guy dad didnt like it and I got mad at my dads friend for telling on me, at this time this guy that told on me was interested in me also and told my dad this he was thirty two years old ,he explained to my dad that if he wasnt too old that he would love to come set at the house with me and talk and get to know me better at this time dad replied Ah buddy if she would I wouldnt care for you to come down and set with her .
After this man left dad was telling me about what he said I w as like know way dad he is to old but do remember that older men was right for me, I took it as a life and got on with rest of my day but to tell you the truth I did find this guy interesting in always he was nice had a job not a bad looking man at all. The rest of the night I had this on my mind here is a guy that likes me and is cute and nice works everyday in a coal mines and he is also thirty two what do I do I asked my self?
So finally the next day was upon me and I had decided to call him I asked dad his name and he said Donald so here I go looking in the phone book for his name I came up on his mothers name and so I called her she answered the phone she said hello and I said yes is Donald at home she said yes he is then gave him the phone I didnt know what to say I was frozen my words would not come out and so he started talking and then I felt ok to talk back. So we both decided that he should come down to the house so he did.
When he got down there he told me that he had his eyes on me sense I was twelve years old he said he thought that I was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen, that made me feel so close to him we talked and told each other about our lives and laughed and had a good time together .At this time I was getting to were I more and more enjoyed being around him and hadnt been around him but three hours at the most I felt comfortable with him around me.
So days went on and we still enjoyed being around each other I was falling in love and it was scaring me this feeling that I had for Donald was getting more and more deeper in side and out and at this time he was to.
The next month rolled around February and Donald and me was still together so in loved I was going to school and calling him at break I was making every excuse to call him everyday at while in school. In my heart I had never felt this way about anybody which I was only fifteen also I was falling more and more in love with Donald I hated being apart from him at anytime.
Months went on Donald and I had talked about getting married I was so ready I could not see living with out him or having him not in my life I loved him so much, and sure we got talked about him being so much older than me and all but we didnt seem to care what people thought we just knew we cared for each other and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.
So time went own it was March 1994 we decided that we would try being apart so we did, weeks went on and I was so depressed being away from him. So here I am sitting on my porch and missing him so bad, I look up and here comes Donald riding on his four wheeler I was so happy to see him, He says we have to talk I said yes we do , we tell each other how much we love one another and that how we dont care about what people thinks that we should think about our selves and not focuses on everyone else around us ,mom and dad is gone at the time we set down and we decide that we want to get married I was already for it.
When mom and dad got home we sat them down and tell them how we fell and that we want to be together in more ways than just boy friend and girl friend Donald tells dad that he wants to marry me they set down and talk about it, dad says yes so here we are the most to happy people in the world.
April was here and we have planned on getting married the big day arrives the four teeth we go to the court house and we tie the note it felt so weird I was fifteen married and he was thirty two but no matter how many years was between us we loved each other and that was all that mattered,
A month had passed on we were still happy as ever and here I am worried about being late on my minstrel period I was scared and lie to his mother told her that I had ,me and Donald had decided that I should go get a pregnancy test. I go out get one brings it back home and takes the test o lord was I so scared, I wait two minutes and I go back in the bathroom to see what its says at this time we are both like o lord were in a shock were really scared to go see what it says, so I get up enough of courage and go in see what it says, I open the door its laying on the sink I take a fast look at it and its purple which means we are going to have a baby, we are happy I cry and then I think I have some explaining to do to Donalds mother I go over to her house which is next door to us and tell her she is happy but worried also were I am so young.
So nine months pass bye I am fat as can be this child in me it feels so I dont know its part of me I have made this person its wonderful, to fell a child in you moving and kicking words can not explain it. But something happens I cant have my child natural, so Dr. Lee which is my doctor he sits a appointment for me to come in and do a c-section on me I go in on February the ninth he sedates me puts me to sleep and I wake up and my life has changed I am a mother of a seven pond fifteen once baby boy I name him Donald after his father.
Its been seven years
ago since my child has came in to this world and everything about my life
has changed instead of me thinking of what I want its the other way around
I am always thinking of his needs doing all I can for him. He is my life,
and now I look back on my life and thank the Lord everyday for my wonderful
family he has given me. And my goes to show you follow what your heart
tells you dont lesion to strangers about what you need best in your life
if I had lessoned to everyone that told me I was making a mistake I wouldnt
have what I got today.
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Gracie's Story List and Biography