Is It Unrequited Affection?



Arpa Datta


 
© Copyright 2018 byArpa DattaE



Photo of a sunrise. (c) by Richard Loller.

Is having affection and falling in love are the two sides of a coin or is it a synonym. Every XX chromosome hopes and pine for their innocent and first love to be some XY chromosomal crosslinking. Meeting a stranger and finding the same self in him, isnít it predestined or no it doesnít have any kind of belonging!! Chatting online wasnít my cup of tea or my fancy. But if a doe finds a buck to be the adorner of its true beauty, will not the doe have the clasp of Cupidís presence.

The month of Christmas comes with a wonderful scent and sense of the belongingness and oneness. My hesitant self never tries to squander the shell of introvert through any known means. But it was fourth of the last month of the year. When something took my conscience from my own yearning principle to explore people in social networking site. A random chat box made itís prominence with a generous Hey! then he said that his urge to explore people is dominant over recessive flattery to his opposite sex. Which made me ponder upon my priority to know and familiarize other new human souls in this planet. The flow of conversation was kind of naÔve, as we were hoping to juggle through different dislikes and likes of our choices. It was a well faceted chat, which made me comfortable and reliable upon his subjects of discussion.

The array of inquiries were wonderfully settled from what are the favourite choices of ice-cream flavour, to reading or rather prefer to read which genre, the kind of music we listen , ordering which platter first , then we exchanged our Whatsapp numbers. Here you need to note I barely trade my number to someone but as I had mentioned I found a safe haven to unfold my being to another human. I became his corrector for the errors committed in his version of English writing, which made him more susceptible to cause mistaken sentences so that the petty wrongs could start talk. We both are introverts in our own way. He shared his nieces and nephewís pictures, they were too adorable to let go. The girls had sunken tomato hued cheeks and the boy I guess will grow into a handsome guy. The course of conversation would sometimes reach its recession period too. And I would be the cruel master to slack him off from any known conversation. He doesnít used to use major emojis while writing but my influence made him do so henceforth. Now the under covering of us through this virtual world made me little uneasy to move forward in knowing more and more each other blindly and maybe after a phase to keep the rattling of emotions at bar would end into something very worse. So we decided to meet at the happening place in the city of Kolkata in the month of December. The people staying there will discern the place by its attachment to the festivity and the positivity of the area.

I had some crazy ideas to make my first impression to be etched in his mind. I even surfaced him that if I interchange myself with another girl will he mind. His immediate reply to my connotation was ďBring it on!! ď. He has too evolved in his method of saying things with me. He acknowledged the idea of meeting in person as social networking sites do has a feel of plastic relationship. The day at last has arrived I was expecting nothing out of the box, so I turned up little late to meet him. But Oh! Boy he was there at our predestined place of meetup. He has a sturdy posture with flatten forehead, from the less populated country Caucasian land sandwiched with countries like Turkey, Azerbaijan and Georgia. I showed interest to know and learn his language, but the process became scanty in these couple of months. His voice was kind of low pitched where as I have a high decibel voice. We headed to a restaurant by crossing across the street, I presumed he would hold my hand for security but he didnít the reason I get to know sometimes later. We ordered our food and our talk was a string of knowing our passion and aspirations in our lives. He even showed his one of the nieceís snap, Angel as he quoted .I still had a film of meekness while glancing towards him, but nothing butterfly-ish sensation didnít run through my spine. It was a mild chilling night of the third last day of the year. Never imagined in my wildest of dream, that someone could ask first about my favourite flavours of ice cream and then in front of the sherbet shop He ordered the same for himself. It might slog in many peopleís head, that whatís the big deal! To me it was the triggering of my oxytocin supporting my current feelings. Returning home I opened his present that he had given to me. It was a parcel of one dark chocolate and one black current Cadburys .Then there was a sweets box too, which had my preferred choice. Even a seasonís greeting card had his handwritten message of how he felt I am and does giving me the honour of calling us a friend or a companion. Though later on I favoured the latter one to be my sole identity. The days to start with a new year of 2018 have hopefully promising days of love, respect, patience, choices, care and understanding. Time rolled on like a running breeze with some pleasant memories while even with some unbearable silence. His birthday had come; I hoped to make it special. It was an inner crux of heart which pumped only goodness and affection. But still something holded back from acclimating to the upbeat of my possessiveness towards him.

I have learnt a lot and gained a surety that my love for him never rested upon the things I provided but it has a divine drive to make the pieces paired for their existence. But his unvocal thoughts remained a fancy expedition to me. As though I have discovered his soul to not to lose again. He rather asked me to keep his heart preserved as long as I desired. Is it a stocked inventory in my life? Or is it the license to keep for our future endeavours? Concoction of my career priorities, family responsibilities and him made me jitter a bit. Anyways when something new gets seeded it requires a lot of hard work and perseverance to reach the ultimate line. Here I am waiting with positive serenity of his presence in my life. He is of another community with the similar tastes in life. Do we gap a bridge of unevenness in our lives? I need him because I want him not the other way round. I admire his less articulated words he used to write through the chat box.

My humble prayers for his success and prosperity have a bit of partiality of myself in it. While I sometimes think will I still persist to survive with him? My heart is generous enough to pause and resume in season and out of season. Living the every recorded texts and in my saved documents of his audio, his small clipping at workplace. Especially his eyes of unfathomed world of imagination for me. The smell of his scent was the last thing I kept in my storehouse locked with bolts of imperishable love. I feel his slow pace will gear as he is setting up his world for our settling up in pairs. Books and music has a great deal of commonness in us. As speaking words unravel lesser thoughts than writing words, in our case. He remembers less of me in these busy days but I rejuvenate his absence to my prime happiness in the hoped wonderful future.




Contact Arpa


(Unless you type the author's name
in the subject line of the message
we won't know where to send it.)

Book Case

Home Page

The Preservation Foundation, Inc., A Nonprofit Book Publisher